I know that things are going wrong for me

[karina_vb]

Afternoon of Day 126. Day 22 without sleep.
Home.

I shouldn't be outside, but I like the fresh air as it rains. We don't have a chair that rocks inside. So I sit and I rock, likely looking as mad as I feel, and listen for Erzebet's movements.

I don't like what she's doing. I don't like her. I think I've lost Valmont's confidence in me, in

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[tereixa_zann]

It's been a kind of hollow achey few days, one of those times defined by absence instead of shape or sound. Not holding Genny. Not bringing her coffee. Not hearing her step outside my trailer and feeling that small lift.

Hux's been good. And Essa too. Family always helps, these times, but there wasn't much today today, and won't be until evening, and the rain's making me think of Anushka, all fine bright strands holding us together and together and together, and I want to be alone to think for a bit. She showed me what she did, and she's other and more, but she still thought I mattered, we mattered.

That's something to hang onto, and feels good right now.

It's pretty still out here as I'm trotting down the road, me and the rain, and so when I see a woman sitting and rocking on Karina Bathory's porch she kind of stands out, you know, not 'cause it's bright or flashy but just 'cause it's so steady. There's one hell of a family resemblance, I guess she's maybe a sister or a cousin or something--

--oh, hey, no, she is Karina.

[karina_vb]

"Miss Bathory?" I hear from the street and it's not something I've been called in some time, I think to myself. I look down and for a moment I can't recognize the small girl on my steps. "It's me, Zann--you had me over at your housewarming. How--how're you doing?" she says and I smile.

"Oh, Zann," I say with a tired smile and straighten my back before motioning for her to come out of the rain. "Of course. I'm well, thank you," I lie. "How are you, Darling?" I ask. "How are things at the carnival? No more violence, I hope."

[tereixa_zann]

"Oh, Zann," and she sounds smoother than Genny, gathering herself up all neat, but... I don't know, maybe I've just got Genny on the brain. "I'm well, thank you," and, uhm, I... well, I think I've maybe seen her looking better, but okay. Guess maybe the election thing might be worrying her. Doesn't hurt to be polite, and I hop up onto the porch when she waves me up, and drop easily into a crouch beside her so that we're on a level to talk.

"How are you, Darling? How are things at the carnival? No more violence, I hope.""No, no, nothing like that," I say, smiling a little. "I got Luke--you know Luke? He's a really nice guy, kinda quiet, post rider--to run a couple of handbills a few towns over, and that was good along with the Saturday markets, but it's getting pretty quiet now, you know? Cold nights, earlier dark. Makes the lights on the fairground look really pretty, though." Run one hand through my hair and glance up at her

[karina_vb]

I can't remember if I know Luke, but Erzebet stirs beneath my surface at the mention of his name. It takes me a moment, but suddenly I realize that she's crouched next to me and I smile. How unladylike.

"Oh, Zann, no need to crouch." With a hand I motion to the other seat. "I don't believe Luke and I have met formally, but I am glad we finally have a postman in this town."

"...Cold nights, earlier dark. Makes the lights on the fairground look really pretty, though." I let my eyes lose focus for a moment and I imagine what it must look like, the quiet of a cold, dark evening with the lights lit like that. Of course, I could see it from over the river, but it's not quite the same. "How're you and--Maryk? And the election for mayor's real soon, right? I hope you win." My eyes regain focus and I look over at her.

"We're well, thank you. Yes, not much longer until the election. I fear for the town if I don't win," I confess and take hold of her hand. My eyes go to her again and I look over her for a moment. Something seems