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so much has happened. some good, some indifferent, all of it worth it. nothing really seems to phase me anymore. i'm not sure if that means i'm jaded or really, really cynical. well, almost nothing phases me. i don't let it; try not to. sometimes it gets to be far too much. it's then when i have to walk away. physically, mentally. either leave the area or zone out. neither of which are good things, but it works for now.
haven't made any attempt at a relationship. i mean none. haven't had the urge. not sure if that's an acceptable thing or not, but it is refreshing to say the least. don't have to put on the "game face" or whatever the shit it's called; over-compensating or hoping to be i'm someone i'm not, i think. not sure if that one's acceptable either, but it's what's happening. i'm not faking anything or pulling punches. it's too "not me." i know who i am and i'm cool with that. other people are as well, so it's a nice balance. hell, balanced either way as i'm cool with me and i think that's the more important thing; others is the cherry on top.
someone asked me if i heard about the anna nicole thing and what i thought. i told them, flat out, i didn't care; it wasn't anything i'd ever care about, ever. however, i did almost have a nervous breakdown the other day; mental fucking collapse. things just got to me. a handful of incompetence and gossip i didn't want a part of, a customer being a bitch, three people i loathe invading my personal bubble.. i just couldn't handle it all at once. but that's in the past and i'm cool now.
days seem to blur into one constant. my days off are few, but i make them worth it. friends, old and recently found, help. i like being able to hang or cuddle or whatever with them; no weirdness, no "oh god what's next?" it's a fresh changeup. and, for once, there's no drama involving any of us. for fucking once. oh, how it is nice.
i hear the roommate coughing up a lung in his chair. it's balls-ass cold, again. thanks global warming.
pretty much writing words as they stem from the cerebellum. and they're not going anywhere. i'll stop.
haven't made any attempt at a relationship. i mean none. haven't had the urge. not sure if that's an acceptable thing or not, but it is refreshing to say the least. don't have to put on the "game face" or whatever the shit it's called; over-compensating or hoping to be i'm someone i'm not, i think. not sure if that one's acceptable either, but it's what's happening. i'm not faking anything or pulling punches. it's too "not me." i know who i am and i'm cool with that. other people are as well, so it's a nice balance. hell, balanced either way as i'm cool with me and i think that's the more important thing; others is the cherry on top.
someone asked me if i heard about the anna nicole thing and what i thought. i told them, flat out, i didn't care; it wasn't anything i'd ever care about, ever. however, i did almost have a nervous breakdown the other day; mental fucking collapse. things just got to me. a handful of incompetence and gossip i didn't want a part of, a customer being a bitch, three people i loathe invading my personal bubble.. i just couldn't handle it all at once. but that's in the past and i'm cool now.
days seem to blur into one constant. my days off are few, but i make them worth it. friends, old and recently found, help. i like being able to hang or cuddle or whatever with them; no weirdness, no "oh god what's next?" it's a fresh changeup. and, for once, there's no drama involving any of us. for fucking once. oh, how it is nice.
i hear the roommate coughing up a lung in his chair. it's balls-ass cold, again. thanks global warming.
pretty much writing words as they stem from the cerebellum. and they're not going anywhere. i'll stop.