As Time Changes, Time Carries Me Along...
This is probably going to sound rediculous, or stupid. or both. probably both.
i think im gonna just... stop messing around online, or worrying if my friends are on or such. I read your guy's journals, and it makes me look at my life. You guys post about stuff and have a life, where you do things. Visit relatives, go shopping, spend the weekend with friends, do things that will improve your future. You impact your life and are happy about it. "I had such a great weekend!" how many times do you see that in my journal compared to everyone elses?
I hardly have great weekends. My journal is about how bad or difficult my life is right now. i dont post about how happy of a time i had at so and so's place where we did such and such and how wonderful it was. i dont have special places to go to to make me happy. i dont have things like you guys do. i stay around the house, trying to make sense of my life.
I waste time on LJ... i waste time sitting around on AIM, or any other random website i go to. To the people i talk to... its just... getting me no where. Lately i feel like, i really just dont want to get on the computer...
I think maybe itd do me some good, to just stay off my computer. i should unplug it, give the parts to my mom, so i dont get on here. maybe try to make something of my life. Maybe have something in which i can look back on, and find happiness in life.
i truely think though, that its impossible. I think this is just... a way to self harm me. just me being depressive... wanting to be alone with my troubles while the world around me changes... for the better.
Maybe i can come back to livejournal, with comments like you guys. of triumphs, of happiness, of accomplishments, of good times. of the great weekend i had... of the love i found... or anything.
i dont have any of that now... what good is it doing me to be online?...
i'm just gonna go. maybe in the change of times, it will bring me happiness, or possibly.... more sorrow.
See ya around.
Matthew
Flames
Close your eyes,
let me touch you now,
let me give you something that is real.
Close the door,
leave your fears behind
let me give you what your giving me.
You are the only thing,
that makes me want to live at all,
oh when i am with you
theres no reason to pretend
that when i'm with you
i feel flames again
just put me inside you
i would never ever leave
just put me inside you
i would never ever leave.
You...