All good things...
Who: Jiann, Essdara
Where: Dorm lounge
Comment: And so it ends, as it was destined to do.
*Snap!*
*Flap!*
These whipcrack sounds, accompanied by similar motion, are the result of Jiann pulling laundry from a basket, and snapping it out to be rid of excess creases before she folds the formerly crumpled stuff more neatly. Organized stacks on the table before her, and a mostly empty basket, indicate she's been at it for a little while now.
Essdara is coming into the lounge from the lower caverns, hair damp and a clean set of clothing being work. Over one arm, the small basket of bathing supplies she has. Eyes shadowed, pace slow and shuffly, it's clear the girl is still pushing close to exhaustion The sound of snapping laundry does get her attention and she stop, spending a long moment watching Jiann as she performs her duties.
Once shy and self-conscious about Weyrfolk watching her go about such duties -- perhaps feeling they were waiting to judge her, some Holdbred bumpkin -- now Jiann has learned to prettymuch ignore all about her in order to focus on said duties. Whether it's cooking, mending, cleaning or folding laundry, she applies herself with a patient single-mindedness that makes her efficient... and, some have said, rather boring. But it's neither here nor there. She's useful, and that's probably enough for her. Drawing a sturdy pair of trousers from the basket, she snaps it out, then brushes a hand along the denim-like fabric, sweeping away what excess bits of lint she can.
Essdara approaches closer, coming to stop on the other side of the basket from the other girl. Again, a moment's watching Jiann, a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Hey, Jiann." She says, softly. There's a nervous tone to the words, and uncertainty as to their reception.
Jiann folds the pants lengthwise as she looks up from them to Essdara. Her hands seem to falter just a moment, but then briskly resume motion, and the trousers join one of the small piles. "Hullo, Essdara."
"How're you doing?" Dara asks; it's a carefully neutral greeting, the forms of politeness to go through. "Not seen you in a few days, and I've... Been concerned." A glance down at the basket, away from any stray eye contact.
"Well 'nough," Jiann says, her shoulders rolling in a shrug. She finds the last garment in the basket, a tunic, and gives it much the same treatment: snap, check for lint, fold. "Reckon you've been 'voidin' me. Or everythin' in general." She's blunt, she is, and even if Essdara will not meet her gaze, she is looking right at the younger woman. "Everythin's in a tizzy. 'Cept I refuse t' be. Life goes on."
Essdara shrugs, still looking down. "Everything, for the most part. It's more than I can handle. Yevide, Jensen, the attacks... Everything." She looks up at Jiann, "We can't all stand back and not care about the world around us, especially when it's our friends being hurt and killed."
Jiann gives each of the topmost garments a little pat, smoothing and compacting them down, before she begins to carefully pack them back into the basket, preparation for delivery. "Y'cain't go an' throw y'self into it too much neither, else you'll be a casualty, too."
Essdara shrugs, softly. "That doesn't bother me." She admits. "Better me than someone else. But I'm not important enough, don't know enough, to be in any real danger, so that's not a worry. But this is my home, and it has a sickeness,and I can't sit by and let it fester and kill. I wish you could see more of that."
"We ain't important 'nough, or knowledge'ble 'nough, t'do anythin', either," Jiann replies, her tone just mildly strained as she works while she speaks. "If they didn't listen t'you afore, what makes y'think they'll listen t'you now?"
"They are." Dara insists. "D'ven, R'vain, others. Even E'sere pays attention a bit. I can help, and I can make a difference. She'd want that, she'd want things to get better. I know it isn't much, but I have to try. I have to." She looks back up, eyes fierce. "I don't have a choice in this, at least, and I'm done hiding from it."
Jiann twitches faintly at a few of those names, but otherwise simply nods. "Then make up y'mind, Essdara. Are y'important, or ain't you? Go on an' do what y'have t'do. Th' more folks listen, though... th' more of a target you are."
"True." Dara agrees. "But like I said, that doesn't bother me. If we all hide from being a target, then they win. They get what they want, and we all will suffer for it, even more than we already have. For now... Now we need to come together, start working together and bringing a sense of community back. Sinopa isn't going to be able to foster that, she's all arrogance and ego. So it will be up to the rest of us."
Jiann pauses, and quirks her eyebrows. "Y'tellin' me that folks done come from other Weyrs, an' givin' orders they /know/ won't go o'er well, was 'fosterin' community?'" She shakes her head, and goes back to packing clothing in the basket. "But, enh. What do I know. I ain't from here."
Essdara shakes her head. "The orders weren't wrong, and they had to do what they had to do. And it was their place to make that decision. People had already written them off at that point anyway." A slight frown. "Did it bring people together? No. But I don't think anything they did would have. And even then, what happened was too far."
Jiann narrows her eyes, and it's clear she just literally bit her tongue. But it is not in her to maintain vitriol, so she merely forces a jerky shrug. "So. Now that one Weyrwoman's gone, you're... already plottin' 'gainst the new one? Or sommat? Weren't it better for the Weyr if'n y'could work together, stead'f around an' underneath her? She ain't had much chance to foster anythin', seems like. An' if she cain't, why not find someone t' teach her? Weyrwoman Lexine's back, no? Seems like she's got a li'l experience."
Essdara shakes her head quickly. "You misunderstand me, Jiann. No, I don't like Sinopa. Sorry, I have an issue with people who raise their hands to me. But I don't plan to work against her, I plan to work for her. E'sere'll probably be the one to fly her, and he... Well, he'll bring people together, that much is certain." There's a moment's uncertainty in the words. "We've few enough choices."
Jiann hoists the basket, and sets it against her hip. She regards Essdara a long moment, then says, slowly, "What if her queen ain't th' first one t'rise?"
Essdara shakes her head. "Near as I can tell, she doesn't want the job. She stood down, didn't she? And she hasn't put any effort towards disputing Sinopa's claim to it." A small smile. "Me? I'd rather see Roa, seeing as she's one of us now. But then where will we be? Right back with another foreign gold? I figure she'd get much the same reaction as Yevide did, and that's not a healthy cycle to be in."
"Bet y'would," Jiann agrees, quietly. Maybe too quietly. "Well, I ain't no goldrider an' I ain't got as much stake as you. Leaders need good advice, Essdara. You'd be be sure'f yourself, an' think /smart/, not with heart an' loins. Y'might be a bit too young for all'a this."
Essdara shrugs. "Maybe I am I dunno Jiann. I don't care, either. People can either lsiten or not, but discounting me cause of my age? That's just stupid. Just 'cause I am young, doesn't mean I am wrong, or stupid." Still the other barb hits home a bit. "I don't think with my loins, Jiann. One doesn't have to influence the other.
"An' it don't mean you're right, or smarter'n someone else who could give advice," Jiann says bluntly. "You'll have t' prove y'self... an' I seen you make plenty'f bad decisions an' snap judgements jus' where /I'm/ concerned. Hope you'll forgive me if I ain't jumpin' on your boat."
"I've never claimed perfection." Says Dara, softly. "I can only do my best, and we both know all too well that often falls short. But that doesn't mean I cna, or should, just stand by and watch, living my life outside of everything and not caring about anything. That's a place better left for other people."
"Yup," is all Jiann can say to that, her shoulders somewhat rigid. She gives a little nod, and then moves along, keeping the basket at her hip, meaning to deliver the clothing.
"Jiann." Dara says, with a sigh. "Walking away isn't going to fix this, if it even is fixable. Or if you don't want to, then say so so I can stop trying." She watches the girl walk away sadly.
Jiann slows to a halt, shifting her grip to carry the basket before her, the rim leaning against her midsection. She looks over her shoulder, then half-turns, moving a little out of the way so that she doesn't block the passage. "'Tryin'?' 'This?'"
"Yes." Dara says, moving closer again. "We have a problem, and we should talk about it. Figure it out, and figure out what to do about it. Or do youw ant to hide from that, too?" A touch of bitterness enters her tone there.
Jiann's eyebrows draw closer together, surely not a good sign. But abruptly her gaze snaps aside, another young woman -- a girl, really -- drawing her attention. "Nalina," she calls, somehow pitching her voice to be heard without making it a shout. "There y'are. Be a good lass, an' take this t' your mother? Thankee kindly." She offers a genuine smile to the (very) young lady, and sees her off. That smile fades even as the girl retreats, and Jiann turns back to Essdara, not at all pleased. "Way I see it, ain't no point in hidin'. Ain't much point in goin' on an' tryin'. I done tried afore, an' noticed how y'thanked my efforts."
Essdara sighs softly. "Yeah. I know, Jiann. I screwed up. I can't deny it, and won't try to justify it. I don't think what happened could have been more wrong, or hurt more people. And I understand that you probably can't forgive me. It's not like I can forgive myself even. So if that's all there is, that's fine." She looks towards Jiann, no longer avoiding eye contact. "I'm sorry, Jiann, that I can't be the person you want me to be. I can only be the person I've always been."
"Y'ain't sorry, if y'ain't gonna change. An' that's that. I don't always know what I want... but I know that ain't it. You ain't it." It costs Jiann to say it, but there, it's said. "I was willin' t' change. Started. But if you ain't gonna meet me, then we ain't gonna walk nowhere t'gether. I've had enough. But y'ain't what I expected, an' I ain't what you need. Maybe that healer. Or whatever bronzerider or goldrider you prefer. But not me."
Essdara nods, softly. "I'm not it." She echoes. "I was trying to change, too, Jiann. I promise that. You didn't change overnight, either. But I'm not going to fight it anymore. You deserve more than I can give, and all I have to offer is more dissapointment and pain. It's best we don't even go there." A sad smile. "And this way, too, I won't have to be a dirty little secret for you anymore. Goodbye, Jiann. I hope soemday you find that person worth being seen with, whoever it is will be plenty lucky to have you."
Jiann smiles thinly. "Aye. My... my dirty li'l secret," she echoes, and almost chokes on the words. "Goodbye."
Where: Dorm lounge
Comment: And so it ends, as it was destined to do.
*Snap!*
*Flap!*
These whipcrack sounds, accompanied by similar motion, are the result of Jiann pulling laundry from a basket, and snapping it out to be rid of excess creases before she folds the formerly crumpled stuff more neatly. Organized stacks on the table before her, and a mostly empty basket, indicate she's been at it for a little while now.
Essdara is coming into the lounge from the lower caverns, hair damp and a clean set of clothing being work. Over one arm, the small basket of bathing supplies she has. Eyes shadowed, pace slow and shuffly, it's clear the girl is still pushing close to exhaustion The sound of snapping laundry does get her attention and she stop, spending a long moment watching Jiann as she performs her duties.
Once shy and self-conscious about Weyrfolk watching her go about such duties -- perhaps feeling they were waiting to judge her, some Holdbred bumpkin -- now Jiann has learned to prettymuch ignore all about her in order to focus on said duties. Whether it's cooking, mending, cleaning or folding laundry, she applies herself with a patient single-mindedness that makes her efficient... and, some have said, rather boring. But it's neither here nor there. She's useful, and that's probably enough for her. Drawing a sturdy pair of trousers from the basket, she snaps it out, then brushes a hand along the denim-like fabric, sweeping away what excess bits of lint she can.
Essdara approaches closer, coming to stop on the other side of the basket from the other girl. Again, a moment's watching Jiann, a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Hey, Jiann." She says, softly. There's a nervous tone to the words, and uncertainty as to their reception.
Jiann folds the pants lengthwise as she looks up from them to Essdara. Her hands seem to falter just a moment, but then briskly resume motion, and the trousers join one of the small piles. "Hullo, Essdara."
"How're you doing?" Dara asks; it's a carefully neutral greeting, the forms of politeness to go through. "Not seen you in a few days, and I've... Been concerned." A glance down at the basket, away from any stray eye contact.
"Well 'nough," Jiann says, her shoulders rolling in a shrug. She finds the last garment in the basket, a tunic, and gives it much the same treatment: snap, check for lint, fold. "Reckon you've been 'voidin' me. Or everythin' in general." She's blunt, she is, and even if Essdara will not meet her gaze, she is looking right at the younger woman. "Everythin's in a tizzy. 'Cept I refuse t' be. Life goes on."
Essdara shrugs, still looking down. "Everything, for the most part. It's more than I can handle. Yevide, Jensen, the attacks... Everything." She looks up at Jiann, "We can't all stand back and not care about the world around us, especially when it's our friends being hurt and killed."
Jiann gives each of the topmost garments a little pat, smoothing and compacting them down, before she begins to carefully pack them back into the basket, preparation for delivery. "Y'cain't go an' throw y'self into it too much neither, else you'll be a casualty, too."
Essdara shrugs, softly. "That doesn't bother me." She admits. "Better me than someone else. But I'm not important enough, don't know enough, to be in any real danger, so that's not a worry. But this is my home, and it has a sickeness,and I can't sit by and let it fester and kill. I wish you could see more of that."
"We ain't important 'nough, or knowledge'ble 'nough, t'do anythin', either," Jiann replies, her tone just mildly strained as she works while she speaks. "If they didn't listen t'you afore, what makes y'think they'll listen t'you now?"
"They are." Dara insists. "D'ven, R'vain, others. Even E'sere pays attention a bit. I can help, and I can make a difference. She'd want that, she'd want things to get better. I know it isn't much, but I have to try. I have to." She looks back up, eyes fierce. "I don't have a choice in this, at least, and I'm done hiding from it."
Jiann twitches faintly at a few of those names, but otherwise simply nods. "Then make up y'mind, Essdara. Are y'important, or ain't you? Go on an' do what y'have t'do. Th' more folks listen, though... th' more of a target you are."
"True." Dara agrees. "But like I said, that doesn't bother me. If we all hide from being a target, then they win. They get what they want, and we all will suffer for it, even more than we already have. For now... Now we need to come together, start working together and bringing a sense of community back. Sinopa isn't going to be able to foster that, she's all arrogance and ego. So it will be up to the rest of us."
Jiann pauses, and quirks her eyebrows. "Y'tellin' me that folks done come from other Weyrs, an' givin' orders they /know/ won't go o'er well, was 'fosterin' community?'" She shakes her head, and goes back to packing clothing in the basket. "But, enh. What do I know. I ain't from here."
Essdara shakes her head. "The orders weren't wrong, and they had to do what they had to do. And it was their place to make that decision. People had already written them off at that point anyway." A slight frown. "Did it bring people together? No. But I don't think anything they did would have. And even then, what happened was too far."
Jiann narrows her eyes, and it's clear she just literally bit her tongue. But it is not in her to maintain vitriol, so she merely forces a jerky shrug. "So. Now that one Weyrwoman's gone, you're... already plottin' 'gainst the new one? Or sommat? Weren't it better for the Weyr if'n y'could work together, stead'f around an' underneath her? She ain't had much chance to foster anythin', seems like. An' if she cain't, why not find someone t' teach her? Weyrwoman Lexine's back, no? Seems like she's got a li'l experience."
Essdara shakes her head quickly. "You misunderstand me, Jiann. No, I don't like Sinopa. Sorry, I have an issue with people who raise their hands to me. But I don't plan to work against her, I plan to work for her. E'sere'll probably be the one to fly her, and he... Well, he'll bring people together, that much is certain." There's a moment's uncertainty in the words. "We've few enough choices."
Jiann hoists the basket, and sets it against her hip. She regards Essdara a long moment, then says, slowly, "What if her queen ain't th' first one t'rise?"
Essdara shakes her head. "Near as I can tell, she doesn't want the job. She stood down, didn't she? And she hasn't put any effort towards disputing Sinopa's claim to it." A small smile. "Me? I'd rather see Roa, seeing as she's one of us now. But then where will we be? Right back with another foreign gold? I figure she'd get much the same reaction as Yevide did, and that's not a healthy cycle to be in."
"Bet y'would," Jiann agrees, quietly. Maybe too quietly. "Well, I ain't no goldrider an' I ain't got as much stake as you. Leaders need good advice, Essdara. You'd be be sure'f yourself, an' think /smart/, not with heart an' loins. Y'might be a bit too young for all'a this."
Essdara shrugs. "Maybe I am I dunno Jiann. I don't care, either. People can either lsiten or not, but discounting me cause of my age? That's just stupid. Just 'cause I am young, doesn't mean I am wrong, or stupid." Still the other barb hits home a bit. "I don't think with my loins, Jiann. One doesn't have to influence the other.
"An' it don't mean you're right, or smarter'n someone else who could give advice," Jiann says bluntly. "You'll have t' prove y'self... an' I seen you make plenty'f bad decisions an' snap judgements jus' where /I'm/ concerned. Hope you'll forgive me if I ain't jumpin' on your boat."
"I've never claimed perfection." Says Dara, softly. "I can only do my best, and we both know all too well that often falls short. But that doesn't mean I cna, or should, just stand by and watch, living my life outside of everything and not caring about anything. That's a place better left for other people."
"Yup," is all Jiann can say to that, her shoulders somewhat rigid. She gives a little nod, and then moves along, keeping the basket at her hip, meaning to deliver the clothing.
"Jiann." Dara says, with a sigh. "Walking away isn't going to fix this, if it even is fixable. Or if you don't want to, then say so so I can stop trying." She watches the girl walk away sadly.
Jiann slows to a halt, shifting her grip to carry the basket before her, the rim leaning against her midsection. She looks over her shoulder, then half-turns, moving a little out of the way so that she doesn't block the passage. "'Tryin'?' 'This?'"
"Yes." Dara says, moving closer again. "We have a problem, and we should talk about it. Figure it out, and figure out what to do about it. Or do youw ant to hide from that, too?" A touch of bitterness enters her tone there.
Jiann's eyebrows draw closer together, surely not a good sign. But abruptly her gaze snaps aside, another young woman -- a girl, really -- drawing her attention. "Nalina," she calls, somehow pitching her voice to be heard without making it a shout. "There y'are. Be a good lass, an' take this t' your mother? Thankee kindly." She offers a genuine smile to the (very) young lady, and sees her off. That smile fades even as the girl retreats, and Jiann turns back to Essdara, not at all pleased. "Way I see it, ain't no point in hidin'. Ain't much point in goin' on an' tryin'. I done tried afore, an' noticed how y'thanked my efforts."
Essdara sighs softly. "Yeah. I know, Jiann. I screwed up. I can't deny it, and won't try to justify it. I don't think what happened could have been more wrong, or hurt more people. And I understand that you probably can't forgive me. It's not like I can forgive myself even. So if that's all there is, that's fine." She looks towards Jiann, no longer avoiding eye contact. "I'm sorry, Jiann, that I can't be the person you want me to be. I can only be the person I've always been."
"Y'ain't sorry, if y'ain't gonna change. An' that's that. I don't always know what I want... but I know that ain't it. You ain't it." It costs Jiann to say it, but there, it's said. "I was willin' t' change. Started. But if you ain't gonna meet me, then we ain't gonna walk nowhere t'gether. I've had enough. But y'ain't what I expected, an' I ain't what you need. Maybe that healer. Or whatever bronzerider or goldrider you prefer. But not me."
Essdara nods, softly. "I'm not it." She echoes. "I was trying to change, too, Jiann. I promise that. You didn't change overnight, either. But I'm not going to fight it anymore. You deserve more than I can give, and all I have to offer is more dissapointment and pain. It's best we don't even go there." A sad smile. "And this way, too, I won't have to be a dirty little secret for you anymore. Goodbye, Jiann. I hope soemday you find that person worth being seen with, whoever it is will be plenty lucky to have you."
Jiann smiles thinly. "Aye. My... my dirty li'l secret," she echoes, and almost chokes on the words. "Goodbye."