The beginning of the end
Who: Jiann, Essdara
Where: A cothold outside the weyr
Comment: Dara tells Jiann some of what's bothering her, which has the expected result. I know a lot of the Jiann/Dara logs remain unposted, but posting this to keep things in order.
High Reaches keeps crops?! Since when! Well, since there's a cothold nearish. For the typical services of protection from Thread, fruit is tithed directly to the Weyr. (It probably doesn't hurt that over time a handful of folks have been Searched from that selfsame cothold, cementing the relations between holder and dragonman.) At any rate, it is understood that the Weyr is, on occasion, concerned and might sent a representative or two to inspect the trees, or help with the harvest in autumn, or check up on the family. Whether she volunteered or drew that duty or switched with someone else, Jiann's turn is up, and she has elected to eschew dragon transport in order to take a runnerbeast. What, nobody thought she could ride? And she invited Essdara. It's a trip away from the Weyr, site of so much misery.
A much needed trip, and Dara accepted the invitation with no small amout of relief, though her emotional distance and wariness when speaking is clearly obvious. Riding with Jiann to the hold, she is largely quiet; no doubt a welcome change for the taciturn girl she is with. Still, they eventually arrive and dismount, and Dara gives her butt a little rub. "Always hurts, riding those things." She says quietly. "Be stiff for days..."
"'M sure yonder holder's got some numbweed if'n y'truly need it," Jiann says, sympathy and amusement both mildly evident. Her gaze, rather than tone, better conveys the worry. She briefly looks her friend over, then jerks her chin to the squat, stone-roofed building. "Y'wanna talk to 'im, or whoever might be there? I'll take these 'uns to th' barn." She nods to her own runner, and reaches for the reins of Essdara's mount, meaning to lead them along.
Essdara lets her handle the beasts; she wouldn't have the slightest clue, it's apparent, what do with an animal with no wings. "I'll stay with you?" Is the quiet request, a brief look towards the building filled with uncertainty. "I've never done this, and I'm not so good with people lately. Don't wanna say the wrong thing." She moves to walk near Jiann, matching the woman's pace. "And holders don't usually like me..."
"Uh..." Jiann looks between cothold and nearby, similarly stone-tile-roofed barn. "Alright." A little unsure of how to handle a mourning and potentially touchy Essdara, she capitulates far sooner than she might have, and shrugs as she accepts the company. "Firs' thin's firs'," she says, unnecessarily, perhaps. "This pair d'serves a rest, an' gets a rubdown, some water an' feed, too..."
Essdara doesn't smile, but the relief is still there as she walks with her. she nods along to Jiann's explanation of what needs to be done. "Can do that, I think. Rubbing them down, just brushing them clean you mean? Food and water is easily enough found, I am sure. They're used to people riding in here, I assume, and offering those to us?" She is looking around, taking in the cothold around them as they walk; Jiann is very carefully not looked at for more than passing moments here and there.
Nodding, Jiann replies, "Reckon so." Since her hands are used to keep leather held beneath each runner's chin, she nods for Essdara to get the barn door. "'Fact, I reckon we coulda jus' rode on in an' checked the fields straight off, but I s'pose this is more polite. I'd not want folk ridin' in on my land without givin' me greetin', I know. 'Mittedly, I ain't got the same dealin' like this set-up here. But there ain't no harm in sayin' hullo, now, is there?"
Essdara shakes her head as she oves to open the door. "No, no harm at all, and it will help to keep a good relation between them and the Weyr, if they feel we know them and appreciate them. It's the right thing to do." She holds the door open auntil Jiann has passed in with the runners, then follows her in, the door closing behind them. "Do you know anyone here?" She asks, curiously.
This time Jiann shakes her head, and she enters the beasthold looking around curiously, noting the efficiency of the layout. A few animals, those kept indoors rather than being shepherded around without, look over stall doors, blinking in mild consternation and lowing at the strangers. Jiann ignores these, and finds two stalls, leading a runner into each, although it's just a tad awkward without help. "What's to know? Who's to know? Ain't a hard mission. A visit, a check-up, an' we head back. Brought some'f our own provisions, no less, so we don't /gotta/ d'pend 'pon hospitality, if there's none t'be offered, or if we wanna rough it." She begins to strip saddle and tack off her own borrowed runnerbeast, a blue roan gelding. "What's your pref'rence?"
Essdara shrugs softly. "I think, if it were up to me, we'd not be here long, Ji." She must be tired, to slip into using a nickname. "Like I said, I'm not so good around people lately, and the less I am, the less damage I can do." She moves herself, finding the water used for the beasts, and making sure each runner has a half bucketfull, enough for a short stay. "Only came at all to get out, and cause I haven't seen you..."
Jiann says nothing of the nickname; it's not worth disputing, even if Essdara weren't in A Mood lately (for good reason, admittedly, but still a mood). "Bet the fresh aid did some good. An' it's useful work, makin' sure the Weyr'll 'ventually get some produce from here." With only a mild sense of disorientation -- she hasn't been in a barn for awhile, and everything is located in a different spot than what she's familiar with -- she finds the supplies to give the horses a once-over so that they don't stew in their own sweat. But there's a reason she set a very easy pace, too. "Any rate... we won't be 'round people so much. Maybe this one holder if'n he demands t'come along. May not be th' case. Jus' you, me, an' some trees."
"That's... A very good number." Dara agrees, in a quiet voice. The pail she used is replaced where she got it, and she moves a bit towards the door, waiting for Jiann. "And fresh air has helped. Getting away, not having to see her, see them, feel the memories everywhere I go..." A soft shudder. "I don't wanna go back." She admits.
Jiann is not an expert beasthandler, but has some experience, and so it isn't long before she joins Essdara, the runners content to be fed and resting. Tack is briefly wiped down, but not given a completely thorough cleaning; it is likely to be used again soon enough. Or maybe the cotholder has some younglings who will handle the task. Either way, the self-professed former almost-drudge gives a very small smile to Essdara, and nods, indicating the door can be opened again. "Don't gotta," she points out. "Why, you could even stay on here. Or anywhere else."
Essdara shakes her head a bit as she opens the door to let them out. "No, Jiann, I'll not give into that. I won't run away, I won't let my problems take the rest of the people I love away from me." A glance over, "And I'd miss you." She admits.
Jiann dusts her hands off as she follows, then wipes them on her skirt. A shrug rolls her shoulders as she steps out of the barn with Essdara. "That's perfectly 'septable, too, though. Movin' on, leavin' bad things b'hind an' hopin' for the best in a new place. An' it ain't like I couldn't go with you. Or your rider friends couldn't visit. They're a bit more mobile."
Essdara looks over at her, surprised. "You'd do that? Come with me?" She sounds entirely too hopeful of the idea. "They could, yeah, though I imagine the novelty of that would wear thin eventually." She walks with Jiann towards the orchards, and eventually gives a sigh. "But... No, I don't really want to. I don't wanna go back, but I don't wanna live somewhere else even more.'
Jiann shrugs again. "Sure, an' why not? Ain't like I never moved before, an' left th' bad behind." Lightly she takes Essdara's arm, and adjusts trajectory to head to the cothold first, rather than the orchards. "Gotta give greetin', she reminds. Y'ain't gotta talk, if'n y'want. I'll do it. I know y'cain't wait t'have me to yourself, but it's right an' proper. Y'said so y'self."
Essdara winces at the implication in the words about Dara having Jiann to herself, tensing noticibly. Still, she is easily redirected and they are soon close to the cothold. "I'll let you talk." Dara says, in agreement to Jiann's offer. "And it'll go quicker. We'll get this done, and done right." And they are at the door, and Dara is not quite hiding behind her.
Jiann gives Essdara something of a bewildered look, then clucks her tongue and turns back to the door, lifting a hand and giving a firm rap with her knuckles, several times over. It takes a few moments, but a sturdy woman perhaps half again Jiann and Essdara's age, with a five-turn-old boy clutching her leg, appears. "Hullo," Jiann greets, summoning up a smile, although her people skills still leave something to be desired. "M'name's Jiann of High Reaches Weyr. This here's Essdara. We're come t' check th' orchard," she explains. The woman looks between the two other women, and seems dubious, but eventually is won over. She introduces herself, and the child, and explains her husband is out tending to a herd with their older son. She expresses some misgivings about two women -- and no men -- being assigned to this, but Jiann gives a coherent enough rundown about orchards that it's clear the former Tillek resident knows her stuff, for all that she doesn't use technical terms the Farmcraft might teach.
Through it all, Essdara is quiet, avoiding eye contact with either the woman or Jiann. When she is introduced, a brief curtsey is offered, polite and simple. As the woman is slowly won over and tells them where her husband is, Dara gives a small, thankful smile to her, glancing to Jiann then to see where she plans to go; to find the man, or direct to the orchards to do their duty.
Jiann takes her leave, along with Essdara. Herds, and the men tending them, hold little interest for her; seems she's headed toward the stands of trees. She no longer needs to steer Essdara, but she keeps a hand upon the other's arm anyway.
in short order they are in the trees. This close to high reaches, they aren't the beautiful trees you migth see in the more temperate areas, but they are not bad either. Dara once more relaxes to be away from people, looking around the grove of trees with some small curiosity. "They must get a decent yield from them." She says, though her voice is distracted.
Nodding slowly, Jiann releases Essdara, and steps close to one of the trees, keeping an eye on the bark itself to inspect it for any burrowing insects or the like. "Ain't a lot of folk to feed. Not like at a Hold proper. Ayeah, they seem t'do well."
Essdara moves to another tree, though it's to put her back against it and watch Jiann as she looks over the trees; her own knowledge is all about the resulting fruits. "It has a pleasant feel to it. Close and intimate. Not at all like the weyr, where everything is loud and invasive."
"Well... Holderfolk can be like that, too. 'Specially if'n y'get a big family crammed in one cothold or such," Jiann replies. "But otherwise... ain't a bad life," she says quietly. She trails off, shrugs, and then gets back to work. No damage to the bark; she drops to a crouch and inspects the base of the trunk, and some of the roots that have broken through soil, still above ground. No rot or infestation there either. So far so good.
Essdara nods a bit. "Guess so." She says, with a small smile as she watches her friend work. "You know a lot about trees, it seems like? I never knew you had an interest there... It've read a bit, but never had any practical use, so don't remember much of it." Hands move behind her back, resting between her and the bark behind.
"I know a fair bit 'bout farmin'," Jiann admits, her voice muffled since she's crouching down there for the moment. Her attention shifts to the soil itself. "S'what m'family, least m'father an' his sire, an' his sire, an' so on, been doin' awhile."
"Why didn't you do that?" Dara asks curiously, poking a bit at the dirt in front of her with the toe of her show. "I don't know much about where you came from, before you came to the weyr... You're always so quiet about it... I always thought you were from something like a fishing family or the like. I know you said you were drudge... But you don't seem the type who would ever have been one, you're too smart."
Jiann crumbles some soil in her hand -- not that it /crumbles/ much. It's pretty wet. But then, it's a valley, and there had been a lot of rain in spring. No wonder she was concerned about rot. Looking upwards at Essdara, Jiann blinks placidly, and then gives one of her patented, maddeningly calm shrugs. "Wasn't born at Tillek. An' no one likes strangers. So I took what I could, an' ain't 'fraid'f work."
Essdara nods a little. "No, you're not, but anyone who took someone like you on as a drudge would have to be blind, and stupid not to find you something better to do..." A shrug. "Don't have to tell me about it. I shouldn't be distracting you from the job anyway." And she looks down again for a moment.
"Well..." Jiann says slowly as she straightens. "Tillek's a fishin' hold. I didn't know nothin' 'bout fish. Not namin' 'em, guttin' 'em, cookin' 'em, catchin' 'em... anythin'. I ain't never served folk in a large hall before, an' I weren't pretty an' fast-hustlin' enough like some girls at the tables. Obviously didn't have m'own cothold there. But a Hold can always use drudgework."
Essdara nods a little, with a shrug. "I guess so. And obviously, it didn't last forever." A small grin. "Since one of our riders was smart enough to see the catch you are, and drag you back here. Even if you didn't Impress, you're good for us." Still, she's not looking at Jiann as she talks; her feet are more interesting at the moment, it seems.
Jiann turns her gaze upward, to a low bough, and she squints as she eyes the leaves. But eventually she realizes Essdara isn't talkative even now, one on one; nor is she herself subject to the usual scrutiny. Scrubbing her hand with a cloth dragged out of a pouch, she eyes her companion. "Y'glad t'be here, with me?" she asks.
Essdara is quiet a little longer after the question, considering it with the care it deserves. When she speaks, her words are careful and her tone even. "Not much makes me glad anymore, Jiann. Not much makes me even not be sad. Being out with you, it comes close." More poking at the ground. "I've missed you." She adds. "I know I've been hard to find lately... I'm sorry..."
Jiann bobs her head in acceptance of the apology, at least. "Y'missed me?" she wonders. Then she cocks her head, and challenges, "Prove it."
Essdara eyes her warily, her expression guarded. "What do you mean?" She asks, in an uncertain voice. "I said it, and I've never lied to you..."
Jiann seems mildly surprised, then allows a quiet sniff, nodding once more and rolling with that, as usual. "Jus' thought I'd give you a chance t'hold me, or some such, with practic'ly no one around t'watch. If'n y'don't want to, that's alright, too. I'll admit I ain't sure how t' treat with you these days. Jus' know I missed you." And that said, she gets right back to her inspection, moving slowly down a row of trees, letting her eyes search for anything out of place.
Uncertainty is the word of the day, Dara looking at Jiann with that and with a small dose of fear. She does, finally, move; she slowly walks over towards Jiann, kneeling down beside her and gentle hugging her. "I'm sorry." She says, softly. "I just... I don't know what's right and what's not, anymore. Dunno what to do, how to keep from hurting you..."
Jiann rights her balance, then shifts her hand to stroke Essdara's hair. She is silent a long moment, before speaking quietly. "I reckon anythin' that makes y'feel better, jus' 'bout now, is right. I don't like seein' y'hurtin'. Anythin' I can do, you jus' tell me, an' I'll try it."
Essdara shakes her head a little, shivering. "I did something, Jiann. Took advantage of someone, when they weren't really in a place to resist. I don't... I don't know how to handle that. I'm not that kinda person... But at the time, it just... Well, it's what happened."
Jiann's fingers don't even pause; they continue to lightly thread through and over Essdara's hair, gently petting. "An' when was this? Who was this? If it was a mistake, I reckon you should go an' apologize." It's quiet advice, and it's not given in a judgemental tone.
Essdara sighs, softly. "I've done so, Jiann, I have. And she's not upset or anything. I almost wish she had been, yelled at me and hated me like I hate myself." She closes her eyes. "Was about a week ago, bit more. That new healer and I were visiting a bronzerider. Mead flowed, and things... Went entirely too far, with someone I know isn't interested in that, with me." It's a hard confession, especially to Jiann, and she's shaking by the end of it, eyes tightly closed.
Jiann has no reply for that. None. She opens her mouth to do so, but no sound comes out. Finally, her hand does still. It rests where it is a moment, and then its warmth is removed, the limb swinging down to her side, limply. She nods; this can be felt. To her credit, she does not try to break the hold. But she cannot speak.
Essdara says, softly, "It was stupid. I just... Didn't want to think about things, if only for a little while. Shouldn't have accepted drinking, bad always comes of that, always does." She rests on her knees, looking down. "It's horrible, what I did. And unfair. To her, to you..." A quiet pause, though she doesn't add anything to that, other than a soft, "I'm sorry. I figure you've probably heard the rumors, but..."
"A rumor ain't nothin', 'less confirmed," Jiann says, a bit shakily. Strong fingers begin to gently pry Essdara's arms away, and the former farmer rises to her full height. Her hand is there to pull the other woman up, but her dark eyes, somewhat shadowed, have turned back to the nearby trees. "So... this is what you're lookin' for," she says, and begins a brief lecture on pests and problems that commonly affect fruit-bearing trees.
Essdara lets her go at the request, though doesn't move at all. "Rumors usually have a grain of truth to them somewhere." She says, softly. "And like I once said, most of them about me are. I'm sorry, Jiann. Hurting people... It's what I do best, and you don't deserve that. You've never done anything wrong."
Jiann nods, somewhat distractedly, without interrupting her speech. It is lesson and litany both, and if her voice is strained, she dutifully lectures. Even if Essdara forgets everything she said about harmful fungi, root rot, and such, it is an alternative to talking about other things. And so Jiann does what she came here to do.
Essdara lapses quiet, no longer pressing the issue; all the fight has gone out of her. She simply sits there and listens, nodding in the right places even if she's not absorbing any of the information. And so the inspection passes, until Jiann's work is complete in the orchard.
When the initial lecture is complete, Jiann lapses to silence. She has no hide, no slate on which to make marks; she couldn't write or read anyway. Whatever she notices she applies to memory. In due time, merely a few hours, she makes the trek back to the cothold. If her motions are a bit more wooden, if her back is stiffer, if her tone is lacking something, the wife at the cothold says nothing of it, and wishes the Weyrfolk -- Jiann smiles thinly at the appelation -- clear skies. Back to the barn, back to the runners. Jiann will saddle them both up, and take the lead on the way back home.
Essdara walks quietly beside her back to the cothold, and then the barn. Once more, Dara has retreated into silence. As they start on the trail back to the Weyr, riding near each other, Dara speaks again, quietly. "I understand, Jiann, why you'd hate me for this. I hate myself. I hate that I can't just... I dunno. I'm sorry, and I think that's about all I can say."
The grey-and-white gelding prances nervously in place for a moment, and gives his head a shake as though to pull the reins a bit, needing some slack in them. It's true Jiann's hands are tight upon those leather straps, and only the runnerbeast's antics remind her to relax that grip. She keeps her gaze upon the trail, ostensibly so that she doesn't get lost, but her mount knows the way back anyway. She nods, hesitantly, to Essdara's words. Her only reply is "Then maybe that's all you should say."
Essdara nods in reply, and indeed lets that be the last she says as they make the trek home. Time passes and they eventually make their way into the bowl, and towards the corrals where the runners live. Dara quietly lets one of the stablehands have her mount, backing away a little to watch Jiann.
Seizing on an excuse to temporarily distance herself from Essdara, Jiann mumbles something about caring for the mounts herself; it's only fair. The nod she gives to the other kitchen worker is part dismissal, part farewell. She then leads her grey into a stall, there to strip off the tack yet again. And so on, and so forth.
Where: A cothold outside the weyr
Comment: Dara tells Jiann some of what's bothering her, which has the expected result. I know a lot of the Jiann/Dara logs remain unposted, but posting this to keep things in order.
High Reaches keeps crops?! Since when! Well, since there's a cothold nearish. For the typical services of protection from Thread, fruit is tithed directly to the Weyr. (It probably doesn't hurt that over time a handful of folks have been Searched from that selfsame cothold, cementing the relations between holder and dragonman.) At any rate, it is understood that the Weyr is, on occasion, concerned and might sent a representative or two to inspect the trees, or help with the harvest in autumn, or check up on the family. Whether she volunteered or drew that duty or switched with someone else, Jiann's turn is up, and she has elected to eschew dragon transport in order to take a runnerbeast. What, nobody thought she could ride? And she invited Essdara. It's a trip away from the Weyr, site of so much misery.
A much needed trip, and Dara accepted the invitation with no small amout of relief, though her emotional distance and wariness when speaking is clearly obvious. Riding with Jiann to the hold, she is largely quiet; no doubt a welcome change for the taciturn girl she is with. Still, they eventually arrive and dismount, and Dara gives her butt a little rub. "Always hurts, riding those things." She says quietly. "Be stiff for days..."
"'M sure yonder holder's got some numbweed if'n y'truly need it," Jiann says, sympathy and amusement both mildly evident. Her gaze, rather than tone, better conveys the worry. She briefly looks her friend over, then jerks her chin to the squat, stone-roofed building. "Y'wanna talk to 'im, or whoever might be there? I'll take these 'uns to th' barn." She nods to her own runner, and reaches for the reins of Essdara's mount, meaning to lead them along.
Essdara lets her handle the beasts; she wouldn't have the slightest clue, it's apparent, what do with an animal with no wings. "I'll stay with you?" Is the quiet request, a brief look towards the building filled with uncertainty. "I've never done this, and I'm not so good with people lately. Don't wanna say the wrong thing." She moves to walk near Jiann, matching the woman's pace. "And holders don't usually like me..."
"Uh..." Jiann looks between cothold and nearby, similarly stone-tile-roofed barn. "Alright." A little unsure of how to handle a mourning and potentially touchy Essdara, she capitulates far sooner than she might have, and shrugs as she accepts the company. "Firs' thin's firs'," she says, unnecessarily, perhaps. "This pair d'serves a rest, an' gets a rubdown, some water an' feed, too..."
Essdara doesn't smile, but the relief is still there as she walks with her. she nods along to Jiann's explanation of what needs to be done. "Can do that, I think. Rubbing them down, just brushing them clean you mean? Food and water is easily enough found, I am sure. They're used to people riding in here, I assume, and offering those to us?" She is looking around, taking in the cothold around them as they walk; Jiann is very carefully not looked at for more than passing moments here and there.
Nodding, Jiann replies, "Reckon so." Since her hands are used to keep leather held beneath each runner's chin, she nods for Essdara to get the barn door. "'Fact, I reckon we coulda jus' rode on in an' checked the fields straight off, but I s'pose this is more polite. I'd not want folk ridin' in on my land without givin' me greetin', I know. 'Mittedly, I ain't got the same dealin' like this set-up here. But there ain't no harm in sayin' hullo, now, is there?"
Essdara shakes her head as she oves to open the door. "No, no harm at all, and it will help to keep a good relation between them and the Weyr, if they feel we know them and appreciate them. It's the right thing to do." She holds the door open auntil Jiann has passed in with the runners, then follows her in, the door closing behind them. "Do you know anyone here?" She asks, curiously.
This time Jiann shakes her head, and she enters the beasthold looking around curiously, noting the efficiency of the layout. A few animals, those kept indoors rather than being shepherded around without, look over stall doors, blinking in mild consternation and lowing at the strangers. Jiann ignores these, and finds two stalls, leading a runner into each, although it's just a tad awkward without help. "What's to know? Who's to know? Ain't a hard mission. A visit, a check-up, an' we head back. Brought some'f our own provisions, no less, so we don't /gotta/ d'pend 'pon hospitality, if there's none t'be offered, or if we wanna rough it." She begins to strip saddle and tack off her own borrowed runnerbeast, a blue roan gelding. "What's your pref'rence?"
Essdara shrugs softly. "I think, if it were up to me, we'd not be here long, Ji." She must be tired, to slip into using a nickname. "Like I said, I'm not so good around people lately, and the less I am, the less damage I can do." She moves herself, finding the water used for the beasts, and making sure each runner has a half bucketfull, enough for a short stay. "Only came at all to get out, and cause I haven't seen you..."
Jiann says nothing of the nickname; it's not worth disputing, even if Essdara weren't in A Mood lately (for good reason, admittedly, but still a mood). "Bet the fresh aid did some good. An' it's useful work, makin' sure the Weyr'll 'ventually get some produce from here." With only a mild sense of disorientation -- she hasn't been in a barn for awhile, and everything is located in a different spot than what she's familiar with -- she finds the supplies to give the horses a once-over so that they don't stew in their own sweat. But there's a reason she set a very easy pace, too. "Any rate... we won't be 'round people so much. Maybe this one holder if'n he demands t'come along. May not be th' case. Jus' you, me, an' some trees."
"That's... A very good number." Dara agrees, in a quiet voice. The pail she used is replaced where she got it, and she moves a bit towards the door, waiting for Jiann. "And fresh air has helped. Getting away, not having to see her, see them, feel the memories everywhere I go..." A soft shudder. "I don't wanna go back." She admits.
Jiann is not an expert beasthandler, but has some experience, and so it isn't long before she joins Essdara, the runners content to be fed and resting. Tack is briefly wiped down, but not given a completely thorough cleaning; it is likely to be used again soon enough. Or maybe the cotholder has some younglings who will handle the task. Either way, the self-professed former almost-drudge gives a very small smile to Essdara, and nods, indicating the door can be opened again. "Don't gotta," she points out. "Why, you could even stay on here. Or anywhere else."
Essdara shakes her head a bit as she opens the door to let them out. "No, Jiann, I'll not give into that. I won't run away, I won't let my problems take the rest of the people I love away from me." A glance over, "And I'd miss you." She admits.
Jiann dusts her hands off as she follows, then wipes them on her skirt. A shrug rolls her shoulders as she steps out of the barn with Essdara. "That's perfectly 'septable, too, though. Movin' on, leavin' bad things b'hind an' hopin' for the best in a new place. An' it ain't like I couldn't go with you. Or your rider friends couldn't visit. They're a bit more mobile."
Essdara looks over at her, surprised. "You'd do that? Come with me?" She sounds entirely too hopeful of the idea. "They could, yeah, though I imagine the novelty of that would wear thin eventually." She walks with Jiann towards the orchards, and eventually gives a sigh. "But... No, I don't really want to. I don't wanna go back, but I don't wanna live somewhere else even more.'
Jiann shrugs again. "Sure, an' why not? Ain't like I never moved before, an' left th' bad behind." Lightly she takes Essdara's arm, and adjusts trajectory to head to the cothold first, rather than the orchards. "Gotta give greetin', she reminds. Y'ain't gotta talk, if'n y'want. I'll do it. I know y'cain't wait t'have me to yourself, but it's right an' proper. Y'said so y'self."
Essdara winces at the implication in the words about Dara having Jiann to herself, tensing noticibly. Still, she is easily redirected and they are soon close to the cothold. "I'll let you talk." Dara says, in agreement to Jiann's offer. "And it'll go quicker. We'll get this done, and done right." And they are at the door, and Dara is not quite hiding behind her.
Jiann gives Essdara something of a bewildered look, then clucks her tongue and turns back to the door, lifting a hand and giving a firm rap with her knuckles, several times over. It takes a few moments, but a sturdy woman perhaps half again Jiann and Essdara's age, with a five-turn-old boy clutching her leg, appears. "Hullo," Jiann greets, summoning up a smile, although her people skills still leave something to be desired. "M'name's Jiann of High Reaches Weyr. This here's Essdara. We're come t' check th' orchard," she explains. The woman looks between the two other women, and seems dubious, but eventually is won over. She introduces herself, and the child, and explains her husband is out tending to a herd with their older son. She expresses some misgivings about two women -- and no men -- being assigned to this, but Jiann gives a coherent enough rundown about orchards that it's clear the former Tillek resident knows her stuff, for all that she doesn't use technical terms the Farmcraft might teach.
Through it all, Essdara is quiet, avoiding eye contact with either the woman or Jiann. When she is introduced, a brief curtsey is offered, polite and simple. As the woman is slowly won over and tells them where her husband is, Dara gives a small, thankful smile to her, glancing to Jiann then to see where she plans to go; to find the man, or direct to the orchards to do their duty.
Jiann takes her leave, along with Essdara. Herds, and the men tending them, hold little interest for her; seems she's headed toward the stands of trees. She no longer needs to steer Essdara, but she keeps a hand upon the other's arm anyway.
in short order they are in the trees. This close to high reaches, they aren't the beautiful trees you migth see in the more temperate areas, but they are not bad either. Dara once more relaxes to be away from people, looking around the grove of trees with some small curiosity. "They must get a decent yield from them." She says, though her voice is distracted.
Nodding slowly, Jiann releases Essdara, and steps close to one of the trees, keeping an eye on the bark itself to inspect it for any burrowing insects or the like. "Ain't a lot of folk to feed. Not like at a Hold proper. Ayeah, they seem t'do well."
Essdara moves to another tree, though it's to put her back against it and watch Jiann as she looks over the trees; her own knowledge is all about the resulting fruits. "It has a pleasant feel to it. Close and intimate. Not at all like the weyr, where everything is loud and invasive."
"Well... Holderfolk can be like that, too. 'Specially if'n y'get a big family crammed in one cothold or such," Jiann replies. "But otherwise... ain't a bad life," she says quietly. She trails off, shrugs, and then gets back to work. No damage to the bark; she drops to a crouch and inspects the base of the trunk, and some of the roots that have broken through soil, still above ground. No rot or infestation there either. So far so good.
Essdara nods a bit. "Guess so." She says, with a small smile as she watches her friend work. "You know a lot about trees, it seems like? I never knew you had an interest there... It've read a bit, but never had any practical use, so don't remember much of it." Hands move behind her back, resting between her and the bark behind.
"I know a fair bit 'bout farmin'," Jiann admits, her voice muffled since she's crouching down there for the moment. Her attention shifts to the soil itself. "S'what m'family, least m'father an' his sire, an' his sire, an' so on, been doin' awhile."
"Why didn't you do that?" Dara asks curiously, poking a bit at the dirt in front of her with the toe of her show. "I don't know much about where you came from, before you came to the weyr... You're always so quiet about it... I always thought you were from something like a fishing family or the like. I know you said you were drudge... But you don't seem the type who would ever have been one, you're too smart."
Jiann crumbles some soil in her hand -- not that it /crumbles/ much. It's pretty wet. But then, it's a valley, and there had been a lot of rain in spring. No wonder she was concerned about rot. Looking upwards at Essdara, Jiann blinks placidly, and then gives one of her patented, maddeningly calm shrugs. "Wasn't born at Tillek. An' no one likes strangers. So I took what I could, an' ain't 'fraid'f work."
Essdara nods a little. "No, you're not, but anyone who took someone like you on as a drudge would have to be blind, and stupid not to find you something better to do..." A shrug. "Don't have to tell me about it. I shouldn't be distracting you from the job anyway." And she looks down again for a moment.
"Well..." Jiann says slowly as she straightens. "Tillek's a fishin' hold. I didn't know nothin' 'bout fish. Not namin' 'em, guttin' 'em, cookin' 'em, catchin' 'em... anythin'. I ain't never served folk in a large hall before, an' I weren't pretty an' fast-hustlin' enough like some girls at the tables. Obviously didn't have m'own cothold there. But a Hold can always use drudgework."
Essdara nods a little, with a shrug. "I guess so. And obviously, it didn't last forever." A small grin. "Since one of our riders was smart enough to see the catch you are, and drag you back here. Even if you didn't Impress, you're good for us." Still, she's not looking at Jiann as she talks; her feet are more interesting at the moment, it seems.
Jiann turns her gaze upward, to a low bough, and she squints as she eyes the leaves. But eventually she realizes Essdara isn't talkative even now, one on one; nor is she herself subject to the usual scrutiny. Scrubbing her hand with a cloth dragged out of a pouch, she eyes her companion. "Y'glad t'be here, with me?" she asks.
Essdara is quiet a little longer after the question, considering it with the care it deserves. When she speaks, her words are careful and her tone even. "Not much makes me glad anymore, Jiann. Not much makes me even not be sad. Being out with you, it comes close." More poking at the ground. "I've missed you." She adds. "I know I've been hard to find lately... I'm sorry..."
Jiann bobs her head in acceptance of the apology, at least. "Y'missed me?" she wonders. Then she cocks her head, and challenges, "Prove it."
Essdara eyes her warily, her expression guarded. "What do you mean?" She asks, in an uncertain voice. "I said it, and I've never lied to you..."
Jiann seems mildly surprised, then allows a quiet sniff, nodding once more and rolling with that, as usual. "Jus' thought I'd give you a chance t'hold me, or some such, with practic'ly no one around t'watch. If'n y'don't want to, that's alright, too. I'll admit I ain't sure how t' treat with you these days. Jus' know I missed you." And that said, she gets right back to her inspection, moving slowly down a row of trees, letting her eyes search for anything out of place.
Uncertainty is the word of the day, Dara looking at Jiann with that and with a small dose of fear. She does, finally, move; she slowly walks over towards Jiann, kneeling down beside her and gentle hugging her. "I'm sorry." She says, softly. "I just... I don't know what's right and what's not, anymore. Dunno what to do, how to keep from hurting you..."
Jiann rights her balance, then shifts her hand to stroke Essdara's hair. She is silent a long moment, before speaking quietly. "I reckon anythin' that makes y'feel better, jus' 'bout now, is right. I don't like seein' y'hurtin'. Anythin' I can do, you jus' tell me, an' I'll try it."
Essdara shakes her head a little, shivering. "I did something, Jiann. Took advantage of someone, when they weren't really in a place to resist. I don't... I don't know how to handle that. I'm not that kinda person... But at the time, it just... Well, it's what happened."
Jiann's fingers don't even pause; they continue to lightly thread through and over Essdara's hair, gently petting. "An' when was this? Who was this? If it was a mistake, I reckon you should go an' apologize." It's quiet advice, and it's not given in a judgemental tone.
Essdara sighs, softly. "I've done so, Jiann, I have. And she's not upset or anything. I almost wish she had been, yelled at me and hated me like I hate myself." She closes her eyes. "Was about a week ago, bit more. That new healer and I were visiting a bronzerider. Mead flowed, and things... Went entirely too far, with someone I know isn't interested in that, with me." It's a hard confession, especially to Jiann, and she's shaking by the end of it, eyes tightly closed.
Jiann has no reply for that. None. She opens her mouth to do so, but no sound comes out. Finally, her hand does still. It rests where it is a moment, and then its warmth is removed, the limb swinging down to her side, limply. She nods; this can be felt. To her credit, she does not try to break the hold. But she cannot speak.
Essdara says, softly, "It was stupid. I just... Didn't want to think about things, if only for a little while. Shouldn't have accepted drinking, bad always comes of that, always does." She rests on her knees, looking down. "It's horrible, what I did. And unfair. To her, to you..." A quiet pause, though she doesn't add anything to that, other than a soft, "I'm sorry. I figure you've probably heard the rumors, but..."
"A rumor ain't nothin', 'less confirmed," Jiann says, a bit shakily. Strong fingers begin to gently pry Essdara's arms away, and the former farmer rises to her full height. Her hand is there to pull the other woman up, but her dark eyes, somewhat shadowed, have turned back to the nearby trees. "So... this is what you're lookin' for," she says, and begins a brief lecture on pests and problems that commonly affect fruit-bearing trees.
Essdara lets her go at the request, though doesn't move at all. "Rumors usually have a grain of truth to them somewhere." She says, softly. "And like I once said, most of them about me are. I'm sorry, Jiann. Hurting people... It's what I do best, and you don't deserve that. You've never done anything wrong."
Jiann nods, somewhat distractedly, without interrupting her speech. It is lesson and litany both, and if her voice is strained, she dutifully lectures. Even if Essdara forgets everything she said about harmful fungi, root rot, and such, it is an alternative to talking about other things. And so Jiann does what she came here to do.
Essdara lapses quiet, no longer pressing the issue; all the fight has gone out of her. She simply sits there and listens, nodding in the right places even if she's not absorbing any of the information. And so the inspection passes, until Jiann's work is complete in the orchard.
When the initial lecture is complete, Jiann lapses to silence. She has no hide, no slate on which to make marks; she couldn't write or read anyway. Whatever she notices she applies to memory. In due time, merely a few hours, she makes the trek back to the cothold. If her motions are a bit more wooden, if her back is stiffer, if her tone is lacking something, the wife at the cothold says nothing of it, and wishes the Weyrfolk -- Jiann smiles thinly at the appelation -- clear skies. Back to the barn, back to the runners. Jiann will saddle them both up, and take the lead on the way back home.
Essdara walks quietly beside her back to the cothold, and then the barn. Once more, Dara has retreated into silence. As they start on the trail back to the Weyr, riding near each other, Dara speaks again, quietly. "I understand, Jiann, why you'd hate me for this. I hate myself. I hate that I can't just... I dunno. I'm sorry, and I think that's about all I can say."
The grey-and-white gelding prances nervously in place for a moment, and gives his head a shake as though to pull the reins a bit, needing some slack in them. It's true Jiann's hands are tight upon those leather straps, and only the runnerbeast's antics remind her to relax that grip. She keeps her gaze upon the trail, ostensibly so that she doesn't get lost, but her mount knows the way back anyway. She nods, hesitantly, to Essdara's words. Her only reply is "Then maybe that's all you should say."
Essdara nods in reply, and indeed lets that be the last she says as they make the trek home. Time passes and they eventually make their way into the bowl, and towards the corrals where the runners live. Dara quietly lets one of the stablehands have her mount, backing away a little to watch Jiann.
Seizing on an excuse to temporarily distance herself from Essdara, Jiann mumbles something about caring for the mounts herself; it's only fair. The nod she gives to the other kitchen worker is part dismissal, part farewell. She then leads her grey into a stall, there to strip off the tack yet again. And so on, and so forth.