LJ Idol Week 8 - "First World Problem"
This is an entry for Therealljidol. The topic this week was "First World Problem"
“I need a Decaf, Jumbo, Half soy, Half non-fat, latte. With four shots, one and a half pumps of mocha, 2 splender, and 3 ice cubes on the side. You can put them on an overturned lid, I don't need a cup.” The man that had approached my counter with his ludicrous order fit the profile of most of our customers. He was middle-aged with a belly to prove it and the beginnings of salt in his hair. Glasses sat a little too far on his nose and his ear housed a blinking Bluetooth device. A normal day at work for me.
“Would you like for us to steam it to a little bit of a lower temperature for you?” I asked in my best Customer Service voice. Catering to people who really have no idea what they want but make up for it with gratuitously modified coffee beverages is something I've become quite good at over the last few years. He rolled his eyes.
“Let's try this again,”he started,”I need a Decaf. Jumbo. Half soy. Half non-fat latte. I need four shots of expresso, one and a half pumps of mocha, no more, two splender stirred in with the expresso, and three ice cubes on the side on an overturned lid, not a cup.” Stone faced and glaring, I kept my mouth shut and rang him out.
“That will be $6.27 sir.”
He threw a fifty dollar bill on the counter and continued to look disinterested. I gave him $43.73 back in small bills, mostly singles, and repeated his directions to the girl making drinks. She made the drink, in her artful, precise way, having been slinging caffeine to daily junkies for the better part of five years.
I watched from my side of the store as the man collected his beverage and headed over to the condiment counter to bastardize it even more. I have come to the conclusion that the goal of many of our customers is to change their drink so many ways that it no longer resembles anything even remotely like a cup of coffee. The goal is just to jack themselves up on as much caffeine as humanly possible while seeming sophisticated.
The man was back at the counter, leaning over and hovering by the bar.
“Did you put 2 splender in here? I can't taste the splender!” He bellowed.
“I did sir. I stirred the Splenda in with the espresso. Is something wrong?” she asked.
“It doesn't taste like it has two full splenders,” he said, stirring his cup furiously.
“I can remake that for you,” she smiled.
“You should just learn how to make it correctly. Thanks for ruining my day!” he snapped as he headed for the door, leaving his cup on the counter with mocha colored foam oozing from the lid.
Later that afternoon my husband and I stopped in for a coffee at the location up the road while running errands. We got our drinks out to the car and pulled into traffic. I took a sip and was met with a dense layer of foam.
“Goddamnit!” I muttered, removing the lid to discover half a drink hidden under a mountain of diminishing froth.
“What did they do?” My husband asked without taking his eyes off the road.
“There's too much foam. It's like half foam.” I licked some foam off the lid
“Do you want to take it back?”
“No. It's not worth it. I just want to get one decent double, small, one pump vanilla, nonfat, no whip, mocha. Seriously.”
“I need a Decaf, Jumbo, Half soy, Half non-fat, latte. With four shots, one and a half pumps of mocha, 2 splender, and 3 ice cubes on the side. You can put them on an overturned lid, I don't need a cup.” The man that had approached my counter with his ludicrous order fit the profile of most of our customers. He was middle-aged with a belly to prove it and the beginnings of salt in his hair. Glasses sat a little too far on his nose and his ear housed a blinking Bluetooth device. A normal day at work for me.
“Would you like for us to steam it to a little bit of a lower temperature for you?” I asked in my best Customer Service voice. Catering to people who really have no idea what they want but make up for it with gratuitously modified coffee beverages is something I've become quite good at over the last few years. He rolled his eyes.
“Let's try this again,”he started,”I need a Decaf. Jumbo. Half soy. Half non-fat latte. I need four shots of expresso, one and a half pumps of mocha, no more, two splender stirred in with the expresso, and three ice cubes on the side on an overturned lid, not a cup.” Stone faced and glaring, I kept my mouth shut and rang him out.
“That will be $6.27 sir.”
He threw a fifty dollar bill on the counter and continued to look disinterested. I gave him $43.73 back in small bills, mostly singles, and repeated his directions to the girl making drinks. She made the drink, in her artful, precise way, having been slinging caffeine to daily junkies for the better part of five years.
I watched from my side of the store as the man collected his beverage and headed over to the condiment counter to bastardize it even more. I have come to the conclusion that the goal of many of our customers is to change their drink so many ways that it no longer resembles anything even remotely like a cup of coffee. The goal is just to jack themselves up on as much caffeine as humanly possible while seeming sophisticated.
The man was back at the counter, leaning over and hovering by the bar.
“Did you put 2 splender in here? I can't taste the splender!” He bellowed.
“I did sir. I stirred the Splenda in with the espresso. Is something wrong?” she asked.
“It doesn't taste like it has two full splenders,” he said, stirring his cup furiously.
“I can remake that for you,” she smiled.
“You should just learn how to make it correctly. Thanks for ruining my day!” he snapped as he headed for the door, leaving his cup on the counter with mocha colored foam oozing from the lid.
Later that afternoon my husband and I stopped in for a coffee at the location up the road while running errands. We got our drinks out to the car and pulled into traffic. I took a sip and was met with a dense layer of foam.
“Goddamnit!” I muttered, removing the lid to discover half a drink hidden under a mountain of diminishing froth.
“What did they do?” My husband asked without taking his eyes off the road.
“There's too much foam. It's like half foam.” I licked some foam off the lid
“Do you want to take it back?”
“No. It's not worth it. I just want to get one decent double, small, one pump vanilla, nonfat, no whip, mocha. Seriously.”