Period

[esmithe]

so emotionally distraught that getting somewhat drunk did nothing. MOstly b.c whom I was drinking with could not listen to me and such is soooo important to me. they could not hear me out, could not listen, could not let me express myself< merely buy me more liquor. such is not the fuckin solution!!!!!!!!

i miss my best friend. he moved away for better things but he was the only person who could hear me out as well as he, which wasnt as much as me for him. we are both emotionally/ needy people, but he's the best i've ever had. and i miss him so much.

i want me in another person, i want to talk to someone ANd EXPRESS MYSELF AT THE SAME TIME. Why is that so hard??!!!

Such is why I hate me and my life so much.

I hate me even further b.c I know later, I will appreciate this time so much more but I need someone to help me deal w/ my emotions NOW, not these emotions a year from now..

I hate me

I hate my life

so much worth ending.

so much worth saving.

such a lack of freedom.

fuck my life

fuck everything except those who care about me, excludin me