Patience vs. Desire
For the last two months, I've been coming closer to the man I want but its going so slow, which is also somehting I wanted although I had hoped that things would have picked up by now, and they have not, to where I don't know how much I want it anymore, because most of all that I've had is longing- alone, all by myself longing for someone I barely see for two hours twice a week- thats nothing to pine for regularly, and if nothing continues to happen, I'm gonna grow up and just get over him. Preferably, I'll just try to put him out of my mind and if something happens, great, if not, fine. The problem with that is, my behavior may become very coarse to him and I don't want. Somethings it seems that if I am not actively sweet, then I'm just a pain in the ass. I dont want to be a dickhead to this guy.
I suppose I need to continue to have patience, because that is the name of the game. Patience. Everythign we, "we" have is based upon that principle. But, at what point do I need to give up what I simply desire. Its a Taoist principle, give up what you desire, and be better for it.... But, should I get what I can before I graduate? I don't even know what he's thinking. All I know is he likes me and I'm never gonna ask him, because then he might ask me and I couldn't answer him because bearing myself like that would be painful viscerally, and he wouldn't do that to me and I won't do that to him. I'm also glad he knows nothing about this blog. :) :( :).
I suppose I need to continue to have patience, because that is the name of the game. Patience. Everythign we, "we" have is based upon that principle. But, at what point do I need to give up what I simply desire. Its a Taoist principle, give up what you desire, and be better for it.... But, should I get what I can before I graduate? I don't even know what he's thinking. All I know is he likes me and I'm never gonna ask him, because then he might ask me and I couldn't answer him because bearing myself like that would be painful viscerally, and he wouldn't do that to me and I won't do that to him. I'm also glad he knows nothing about this blog. :) :( :).