Fic Post
Bartholomewverse, rated G
Mrs. Jessop, Cuthbert’s parents’ housekeeper, gives Ernest and Cuthbert a sceptical look as she buttons up her coat, “Now are you sure I can trust you to remain here unsupervised while I pop out for a few hours?”
While Ernest nods his head solemnly Cuthbert steps forward to hand Mrs. Jessop her hat with a flourish, “My dear, Mrs. J, of course you can! Ernie here is head boy, a most responsible and respectable young man! Now off you go and don’t worry about a thing!”
Mrs. Jessop continues to look unconvinced but Cuthbert’s parents are scheduled to host a gathering for the extended Kennedy family that evening and Mrs. Jessop must attend to business elsewhere to prepare. She has already left out a selection of cakes to cool that she has baked that morning. On her departure Ernest and Cuthbert head to the kitchen to given the spread assembled so far an admiring glance before ambling to the study to admire Cuthbert’s father’s exotic stamp collection. They are interrupted by the doorbell and when Cuthbert looks at him expectantly Ernest sighs and makes his way to the front door.
On opening the door he is greeted by a girl who looks to be his own age, very pretty, Ernest is rather lost for words but suddenly Cuthbert appears at his side to proclaim, “Lucy! Looking as lovely as ever I see, has Uncle Archie sent you to help Mrs. J? Do come in!”
Lucy gives Cuthbert an indulgent smile, “No, Master Cuthbert, I’m just dropping off himself for the party tonight, Mrs. A wants me back as soon as.”
Ernest and Cuthbert both frown and look down at the same time, Ernest is most disconcerted to see the impertinent spaniel belonging to Cuthbert’s great uncle standing by Lucy. Lucy scoops the creature up and kisses his nose while Ernest and Cuthbert look on enviously, “Bye then and be good Barty Bop!” With that she places the dog back on the ground and saunters off with a wave.
~
On reentering the house Cuthbert speaks to the dog as if it can understand, “A drink, old boy? Or perhaps a custard cream? Let’s see what we can find.” Ernest merely shakes his head and follows; his Papa says it is expected for the old families to be eccentric and Ernest has learned to tolerate the quality in Cuthbert. In the kitchen Cuthbert procures a bowl and holds it under the tap while Ernest turns the valve and releases the water. They both glance back to see the dog has stopped by Mrs. Jessop’s table and is gazing up at it with a wild look in his eyes and what Ernest thinks might be drool dripping from his chops. Cuthbert is quick to act, “Now, Barty! None of that! Mrs. J will have my guts for garters if anything happens to those cakes, there will be plenty for you this evening!”
With that comment Cuthbert hands the bowl to Ernest, “Here, Ernie, you carry his water, I shall collar Barty and we can go back into the study.” Cuthbert lifts the animal up and while it barks in protest it offers no other resistance but Ernest is witness to its feral look as it is carried from the room as Ernest follows behind them with the water.
~
On arrival in the study both bowl and dog are deposited on the floor. The dog laps at the water in the bowl before jumping onto a leather couch and trampling up and down it, Ernest looks on frowning, “Should it be on the furniture, Bert?”
Cuthbert looks up from the stamp albums with a dismissive shrug, “He’ll settle down for a snooze in a bit, Ernie, really he’s just a little dog, completely harmless! I don’t know why he makes you so nervous!”
Ernest’s reply is heated, “I’m not nervous! I’m concerned.”
Cuthbert merely snorts and beckons Ernest over, “Come and look at this, Uncle Archie sent these stamps back from the West Indies at the turn of the century, he spent several months sojourning there, have I ever told you about that?”
~
Ernest is not sure he believes Cuthbert’s story of mad captains, court-martials and mysterious surgeon strangers, it sounds very much like the sort of tall tale Cuthbert’s Uncle Archie would delight in telling. Cuthbert tells it well though and they are both so engrossed in the dramatic flourishes that it is only when the tale comes to an end that Cuthbert frowns, peers past Ernest and comments, “Where has Barty gone? Did you notice him leave?”
Cuthbert is answered by a loud crash and his eyes widen in horror for the sound undoubtedly originated from the kitchen. They both rush towards the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen where they are greeted by the sight of the spaniel standing on the kitchen table, snout covered in crumbs and cream, seemingly having nudged the plate that once hosted a cake off the table. The dog gives them an unrepentant glance before turning to start on the next cake, Ernest is quicker though, lunging forward to grab it by the collar, “No you don’t you little thieving fiend!”. Ernest deposits the struggling creature onto the floor.
Cuthbert meanwhile collapses into a chair and begins to wail, “That was Mrs. J’s signature cake he’s devoured! Barty how could you! I’ll be blamed of course and it’ll be the Navy for me, just like Aunt Violet keeps threatening! I don’t want to join the Navy, Ernie, I get seasick on the boating pond!” Cuthbert carries on in this somewhat hysterical fashion for several minutes and Ernest is not quite sure what to say in reply. The shameless little beast for its part edges forward and Ernest is about to shout at it to stay away from that table or it’ll receive the hiding it deserves for being such a disobedient wretch. It is not aiming for the table though but for Cuthbert. It makes a small whining sound and places its front paws on Cuthbert’s knees. Ernest thinks it looks almost contrite. Cuthbert pulls the animal onto his lap and begins to pet it, “There, there, Barty, don’t be upset, I know you didn’t mean to get me into trouble.” The dog replies by licking Cuthbert’s face causing Cuthbert to giggle like a small child and declare, “Stop that, it tickles!” Instead of pushing the dog away Cuthbert cuddle him closer and Ernest shakes his head before asking, “What shall we do about the cake, Bert?”
~
Mrs. Jessop is alarmed at the silence when she enters the house. It is not often what resonates when Master Cuthbert is in residence. She enters the kitchen to find Master Cuthbert washing what looks to be her mixing bowls, his friend from school meanwhile is wiping down the work surfaces and the final odd site in her kitchen is a cake that was not there when she left and the young girl that works for Lord Hornblower and Mr. Kennedy sitting with a cup of tea and Mr. Kennedy’s pet spaniel on her lap. Master Cuthbert offers an explanation, “Mrs. J, you’re back! We had a slight mishap I’m afraid but don’t worry about a thing. We’ve had to replace one of your cakes, Ernie and I baked it ourselves! Well under Miss Lucy’s supervision….”
Mrs. Jessop directs a raised eyebrow at Lucy who answers with an ‘I’ll tell you all about it later, shrug.”
Mrs. Jessop, Cuthbert’s parents’ housekeeper, gives Ernest and Cuthbert a sceptical look as she buttons up her coat, “Now are you sure I can trust you to remain here unsupervised while I pop out for a few hours?”
While Ernest nods his head solemnly Cuthbert steps forward to hand Mrs. Jessop her hat with a flourish, “My dear, Mrs. J, of course you can! Ernie here is head boy, a most responsible and respectable young man! Now off you go and don’t worry about a thing!”
Mrs. Jessop continues to look unconvinced but Cuthbert’s parents are scheduled to host a gathering for the extended Kennedy family that evening and Mrs. Jessop must attend to business elsewhere to prepare. She has already left out a selection of cakes to cool that she has baked that morning. On her departure Ernest and Cuthbert head to the kitchen to given the spread assembled so far an admiring glance before ambling to the study to admire Cuthbert’s father’s exotic stamp collection. They are interrupted by the doorbell and when Cuthbert looks at him expectantly Ernest sighs and makes his way to the front door.
On opening the door he is greeted by a girl who looks to be his own age, very pretty, Ernest is rather lost for words but suddenly Cuthbert appears at his side to proclaim, “Lucy! Looking as lovely as ever I see, has Uncle Archie sent you to help Mrs. J? Do come in!”
Lucy gives Cuthbert an indulgent smile, “No, Master Cuthbert, I’m just dropping off himself for the party tonight, Mrs. A wants me back as soon as.”
Ernest and Cuthbert both frown and look down at the same time, Ernest is most disconcerted to see the impertinent spaniel belonging to Cuthbert’s great uncle standing by Lucy. Lucy scoops the creature up and kisses his nose while Ernest and Cuthbert look on enviously, “Bye then and be good Barty Bop!” With that she places the dog back on the ground and saunters off with a wave.
~
On reentering the house Cuthbert speaks to the dog as if it can understand, “A drink, old boy? Or perhaps a custard cream? Let’s see what we can find.” Ernest merely shakes his head and follows; his Papa says it is expected for the old families to be eccentric and Ernest has learned to tolerate the quality in Cuthbert. In the kitchen Cuthbert procures a bowl and holds it under the tap while Ernest turns the valve and releases the water. They both glance back to see the dog has stopped by Mrs. Jessop’s table and is gazing up at it with a wild look in his eyes and what Ernest thinks might be drool dripping from his chops. Cuthbert is quick to act, “Now, Barty! None of that! Mrs. J will have my guts for garters if anything happens to those cakes, there will be plenty for you this evening!”
With that comment Cuthbert hands the bowl to Ernest, “Here, Ernie, you carry his water, I shall collar Barty and we can go back into the study.” Cuthbert lifts the animal up and while it barks in protest it offers no other resistance but Ernest is witness to its feral look as it is carried from the room as Ernest follows behind them with the water.
~
On arrival in the study both bowl and dog are deposited on the floor. The dog laps at the water in the bowl before jumping onto a leather couch and trampling up and down it, Ernest looks on frowning, “Should it be on the furniture, Bert?”
Cuthbert looks up from the stamp albums with a dismissive shrug, “He’ll settle down for a snooze in a bit, Ernie, really he’s just a little dog, completely harmless! I don’t know why he makes you so nervous!”
Ernest’s reply is heated, “I’m not nervous! I’m concerned.”
Cuthbert merely snorts and beckons Ernest over, “Come and look at this, Uncle Archie sent these stamps back from the West Indies at the turn of the century, he spent several months sojourning there, have I ever told you about that?”
~
Ernest is not sure he believes Cuthbert’s story of mad captains, court-martials and mysterious surgeon strangers, it sounds very much like the sort of tall tale Cuthbert’s Uncle Archie would delight in telling. Cuthbert tells it well though and they are both so engrossed in the dramatic flourishes that it is only when the tale comes to an end that Cuthbert frowns, peers past Ernest and comments, “Where has Barty gone? Did you notice him leave?”
Cuthbert is answered by a loud crash and his eyes widen in horror for the sound undoubtedly originated from the kitchen. They both rush towards the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen where they are greeted by the sight of the spaniel standing on the kitchen table, snout covered in crumbs and cream, seemingly having nudged the plate that once hosted a cake off the table. The dog gives them an unrepentant glance before turning to start on the next cake, Ernest is quicker though, lunging forward to grab it by the collar, “No you don’t you little thieving fiend!”. Ernest deposits the struggling creature onto the floor.
Cuthbert meanwhile collapses into a chair and begins to wail, “That was Mrs. J’s signature cake he’s devoured! Barty how could you! I’ll be blamed of course and it’ll be the Navy for me, just like Aunt Violet keeps threatening! I don’t want to join the Navy, Ernie, I get seasick on the boating pond!” Cuthbert carries on in this somewhat hysterical fashion for several minutes and Ernest is not quite sure what to say in reply. The shameless little beast for its part edges forward and Ernest is about to shout at it to stay away from that table or it’ll receive the hiding it deserves for being such a disobedient wretch. It is not aiming for the table though but for Cuthbert. It makes a small whining sound and places its front paws on Cuthbert’s knees. Ernest thinks it looks almost contrite. Cuthbert pulls the animal onto his lap and begins to pet it, “There, there, Barty, don’t be upset, I know you didn’t mean to get me into trouble.” The dog replies by licking Cuthbert’s face causing Cuthbert to giggle like a small child and declare, “Stop that, it tickles!” Instead of pushing the dog away Cuthbert cuddle him closer and Ernest shakes his head before asking, “What shall we do about the cake, Bert?”
~
Mrs. Jessop is alarmed at the silence when she enters the house. It is not often what resonates when Master Cuthbert is in residence. She enters the kitchen to find Master Cuthbert washing what looks to be her mixing bowls, his friend from school meanwhile is wiping down the work surfaces and the final odd site in her kitchen is a cake that was not there when she left and the young girl that works for Lord Hornblower and Mr. Kennedy sitting with a cup of tea and Mr. Kennedy’s pet spaniel on her lap. Master Cuthbert offers an explanation, “Mrs. J, you’re back! We had a slight mishap I’m afraid but don’t worry about a thing. We’ve had to replace one of your cakes, Ernie and I baked it ourselves! Well under Miss Lucy’s supervision….”
Mrs. Jessop directs a raised eyebrow at Lucy who answers with an ‘I’ll tell you all about it later, shrug.”