Myshuno! Prompt: A Sim’s best Yum-Yum impression (1,259 words)
The prompt for this story was “A Sim’s best Yum-Yum impression,” submitted by smoothiesims. This story fits into a mythical point in both Already in Progress and Ruth’s (un)Officially Wacky Boolprop Challenge when all the offspring in the ’hood are simultaneously Teens. (I’m fairly sure this is a biological impossibility, given the way I play.)
CAVEAT: This may be considered spoilery in that several Sims who are now Toddlers or Children were aged to Teen unnaturally for this story. I reserve the right to change their clothing, hairstyle, and/or personal quirks when they actually arrive at Teenhood.
Suitable for all ages.
The local high schools are mounting a joint production of The Mikado, by Gilbert & Sullivan. You are invited to attend the auditions for Yum-Yum, the female romantic lead. Each participant is asked to read a brief monologue and then sing the song that follows it. The monologue is originally written as follows:
Yum-Yum.
Yes, I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. Can this be vanity? No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.*
Any stage directions, emphases, or additional material will be my own. Now that you know what we’re working with, shall we proceed?
*W. S. Gilbert, The Mikado, act II, scene 2. Available from http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/mikado/webopera/mk201d.html; accessed 1 October 2011
(in a monotone) Yes I am indeed beautiful sometimes I sit and wonder in my artless Japanese way why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world (takes breath) can this be vanity no Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness I am a child of Nature and take after my mother.
Thank you, Josephine.
Did I get the part?
Thank you, Josephine. Next!
Are you sure you’re in the right place?
Yeah. My sister bet me twenty bucks I wouldn’t show up to audition for Yum-Yum. (calls offstage) Hey, Jo! Pay up!
…Thank you, Cecil. Next!
Yes! (fingerguns mirror) I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I sit and wonder (lowers mirror) - in my artless Japanese way - why it is that I am sooooo much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. (jumps up and paces as she speaks) Can this be vanity? (stops pacing, snaps her fingers as if she’s just remembered something) No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness! (nods firmly) I am a child of Nature (peers in the mirror again) and (peers closer) take after my mother. (picks a piece of salad out of her teeth)
Thank you, Anastasia. Next!
(solemnly gazing in the mirror) Yes, I am indeed beautiful! (lowers mirror, then, pensively) Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. (lowers her head to think for a beat) Can this be vanity? (looks up, then, decisively) No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. (solemnly gazes in the mirror again) I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother. (nods seriously)
Thank you, Rebecca. Next!
Yes, I am, uh, indeed, um, beau- beau- beautiful. Sometimes I… sit and wonder? In my artless, um, Japanese way? Um, why it is that I ammmm… so much more attractive? Than, uh, anybody else in the whole world? Can this be (squeaks) vanity? Nnnno? Nnnnature is lovely? And, um, rejoices in her… loveliness? I am a child? Of Nature? And I, uh, take after my mother? (peers at the script) Yes. I, uh, take after my (squeaks) mother?
Thank you, Leila. Next!
Hello? The list says “Lisa Shankel”?
Is Lisa Shankel in the auditorium?
We’ll come back to her, then. Next!
(reads from script) Yes, I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. Can this be vanity? No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.
Thank you, Ariadene. Next!
(sniffs haughtily) I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of prrrrre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a (gestures with an imaginary fan on each word) prrrrotoplasmal prrrrimordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family prrrride is something inconceivable. (with a flippant shrug) I can't help it. I was born sneering. (reapplying his dignity) But I struggle hard to overcome this defect. I mortify my prrrride continually. When all the great officers of State resigned in a body because they were too prrrroud to serve under an (sniffs disparagingly) ex-tailor, did I not unhesitatingly accept all their posts at once?
Pooh-Bah auditions are down the hall. Next!
*W. S. Gilbert, The Mikado, act I, scene 3. Available from http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/mikado/webopera/mk103d.html; accessed 1 October 2011. Emphases, rolled Rs and stage directions are mine.
…I’m sorry. You don’t have the look we’re, er, looking for.
But I will be costumed in the Japanese manner.
Sorry, you’re just not right for the part.
An I were dressed as other girls, would I then be more to your liking? You queasy rug-headed flap-dragon! Verily, you are naught but a mammering rough-hewn haggard! A waggish onion-eyed dogfish! A - !
Next!
Lisa Shankel? Has Lisa Shankel arrived yet?
Okay, then. Next!
(smiles at herself in the mirror, then, warmly) Yes, I am indeed beautiful! (lowers the mirror and presses one finger to her cheek pensively as she tilts her head to one side) Sometimes, I sit and wonder (shaking her head gently in increasing puzzlement as she speaks) in my artless Japanese way why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. (widening her eyes and covering her mouth with a small gasp as a horrible thought strikes her) Can this be vanity? (relaxes, smiling, as a happy thought strikes her) No! (lowers her hand) Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. (glances in the mirror again, smiling) I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.
Thank you, Cathrynne! That was very good. Next!
Yes, I am indeed beautiful! (lowers mirror) Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. Can this be vanity? …May I say something?
Sure, go ahead.
This is vanity. Miss Manners says that you shouldn’t fish for compliments. She also says that you shouldn’t brag about yourself. (hesitantly) I don’t know if Yum-Yum is a very good role model.
Thank you, Rose. Now might be a good time to mention that we still have space left in the chorus. Next!
Pooh-Bah auditions are down the hall.
I’m not here to audition for Pooh-Bah.
Nanki-Poo auditions are at three.
I’m here for Yum-Yum.
Sorry. You don’t have what we’re looking for. Next!
What? I could totally play a girl! You’re just being sexist!
Next!
(in a breathy voice) Oh, I’m so sorry I’m late! Where are we? (fusses with hair) Yes, I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I - (puts down mirror, picks up script) Oh, okay. (puts down script, picks up mirror) sit and wonder, in my Japanese artless way - that’s not right. (swaps mirror for script) Oh, I see. (swaps script for mirror) sit and wonder, in my Japanese artless way - I did it again. (swaps mirror for script) “artless Japanese way.” Okay. (swaps script for mirror) I sit and wonder, in my Japanese way - I forgot something…
Thank you, Lisa. Maybe you could just try reading the lines?
But it took Marilyn Monroe fifty takes to say one line in Some Like It Hot!
Yes, but Lisa? You’re not Marilyn Monroe.
For two different interpretations of the featured monologue and following song, check out:
Mary Votava (from an uncredited production)
Shirley Henderson (from the movie Topsy-Turvy)
And if you’d like to see a nice delivery of Pooh-Bah’s lines, check out Gary Montaine (from the 1992 D’Oyly Carte Opera Company production)
CAVEAT: This may be considered spoilery in that several Sims who are now Toddlers or Children were aged to Teen unnaturally for this story. I reserve the right to change their clothing, hairstyle, and/or personal quirks when they actually arrive at Teenhood.
Suitable for all ages.
The local high schools are mounting a joint production of The Mikado, by Gilbert & Sullivan. You are invited to attend the auditions for Yum-Yum, the female romantic lead. Each participant is asked to read a brief monologue and then sing the song that follows it. The monologue is originally written as follows:
Yum-Yum.
Yes, I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. Can this be vanity? No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.*
Any stage directions, emphases, or additional material will be my own. Now that you know what we’re working with, shall we proceed?
*W. S. Gilbert, The Mikado, act II, scene 2. Available from http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/mikado/webopera/mk201d.html; accessed 1 October 2011
(in a monotone) Yes I am indeed beautiful sometimes I sit and wonder in my artless Japanese way why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world (takes breath) can this be vanity no Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness I am a child of Nature and take after my mother.
Thank you, Josephine.
Did I get the part?
Thank you, Josephine. Next!
Are you sure you’re in the right place?
Yeah. My sister bet me twenty bucks I wouldn’t show up to audition for Yum-Yum. (calls offstage) Hey, Jo! Pay up!
…Thank you, Cecil. Next!
Yes! (fingerguns mirror) I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I sit and wonder (lowers mirror) - in my artless Japanese way - why it is that I am sooooo much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. (jumps up and paces as she speaks) Can this be vanity? (stops pacing, snaps her fingers as if she’s just remembered something) No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness! (nods firmly) I am a child of Nature (peers in the mirror again) and (peers closer) take after my mother. (picks a piece of salad out of her teeth)
Thank you, Anastasia. Next!
(solemnly gazing in the mirror) Yes, I am indeed beautiful! (lowers mirror, then, pensively) Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. (lowers her head to think for a beat) Can this be vanity? (looks up, then, decisively) No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. (solemnly gazes in the mirror again) I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother. (nods seriously)
Thank you, Rebecca. Next!
Yes, I am, uh, indeed, um, beau- beau- beautiful. Sometimes I… sit and wonder? In my artless, um, Japanese way? Um, why it is that I ammmm… so much more attractive? Than, uh, anybody else in the whole world? Can this be (squeaks) vanity? Nnnno? Nnnnature is lovely? And, um, rejoices in her… loveliness? I am a child? Of Nature? And I, uh, take after my mother? (peers at the script) Yes. I, uh, take after my (squeaks) mother?
Thank you, Leila. Next!
Hello? The list says “Lisa Shankel”?
Is Lisa Shankel in the auditorium?
We’ll come back to her, then. Next!
(reads from script) Yes, I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. Can this be vanity? No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.
Thank you, Ariadene. Next!
(sniffs haughtily) I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of prrrrre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a (gestures with an imaginary fan on each word) prrrrotoplasmal prrrrimordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family prrrride is something inconceivable. (with a flippant shrug) I can't help it. I was born sneering. (reapplying his dignity) But I struggle hard to overcome this defect. I mortify my prrrride continually. When all the great officers of State resigned in a body because they were too prrrroud to serve under an (sniffs disparagingly) ex-tailor, did I not unhesitatingly accept all their posts at once?
Pooh-Bah auditions are down the hall. Next!
*W. S. Gilbert, The Mikado, act I, scene 3. Available from http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/mikado/webopera/mk103d.html; accessed 1 October 2011. Emphases, rolled Rs and stage directions are mine.
…I’m sorry. You don’t have the look we’re, er, looking for.
But I will be costumed in the Japanese manner.
Sorry, you’re just not right for the part.
An I were dressed as other girls, would I then be more to your liking? You queasy rug-headed flap-dragon! Verily, you are naught but a mammering rough-hewn haggard! A waggish onion-eyed dogfish! A - !
Next!
Lisa Shankel? Has Lisa Shankel arrived yet?
Okay, then. Next!
(smiles at herself in the mirror, then, warmly) Yes, I am indeed beautiful! (lowers the mirror and presses one finger to her cheek pensively as she tilts her head to one side) Sometimes, I sit and wonder (shaking her head gently in increasing puzzlement as she speaks) in my artless Japanese way why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. (widening her eyes and covering her mouth with a small gasp as a horrible thought strikes her) Can this be vanity? (relaxes, smiling, as a happy thought strikes her) No! (lowers her hand) Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. (glances in the mirror again, smiling) I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.
Thank you, Cathrynne! That was very good. Next!
Yes, I am indeed beautiful! (lowers mirror) Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. Can this be vanity? …May I say something?
Sure, go ahead.
This is vanity. Miss Manners says that you shouldn’t fish for compliments. She also says that you shouldn’t brag about yourself. (hesitantly) I don’t know if Yum-Yum is a very good role model.
Thank you, Rose. Now might be a good time to mention that we still have space left in the chorus. Next!
Pooh-Bah auditions are down the hall.
I’m not here to audition for Pooh-Bah.
Nanki-Poo auditions are at three.
I’m here for Yum-Yum.
Sorry. You don’t have what we’re looking for. Next!
What? I could totally play a girl! You’re just being sexist!
Next!
(in a breathy voice) Oh, I’m so sorry I’m late! Where are we? (fusses with hair) Yes, I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I - (puts down mirror, picks up script) Oh, okay. (puts down script, picks up mirror) sit and wonder, in my Japanese artless way - that’s not right. (swaps mirror for script) Oh, I see. (swaps script for mirror) sit and wonder, in my Japanese artless way - I did it again. (swaps mirror for script) “artless Japanese way.” Okay. (swaps script for mirror) I sit and wonder, in my Japanese way - I forgot something…
Thank you, Lisa. Maybe you could just try reading the lines?
But it took Marilyn Monroe fifty takes to say one line in Some Like It Hot!
Yes, but Lisa? You’re not Marilyn Monroe.
For two different interpretations of the featured monologue and following song, check out:
Mary Votava (from an uncredited production)
Shirley Henderson (from the movie Topsy-Turvy)
And if you’d like to see a nice delivery of Pooh-Bah’s lines, check out Gary Montaine (from the 1992 D’Oyly Carte Opera Company production)