Myshuno! Prompt: Aspiration failure (402 words)
The prompt for this story was “Aspiration failure,” submitted by docnerd. This story fits into Chapter 32 of Already in Progress.
Suitable for all ages.
Dramatis Personae
Cillian (Sanders) Littledragon, a Family Sim.
Anne Littledragon, his wife.
Lucy (Littledragon) Couderc, his wife’s sister.
Simon Couderc, Lucy’s husband.
The Shrink, a mental health professional of debatable existence.
Setting
Cillian and Anne’s bedroom on the second floor of the Couderc farmhouse.
ANNE: No, I am not okay with finding a surrogate. That’s just silly. If Esme wanted me to have a baby, I would have a baby. And I don’t have a baby, so she obviously doesn’t, and there’s an end to it. There’s no point in paying thousands of dollars to defy Esme and natural selection. It’s just vanity, that’s what it is. Just enjoy your nephew and your nieces and get on with your life.
CILLIAN: But they’re not babies. Could we adopt one? (wheedlingly) You could be friends with it.
ANNE: Why do you always assume that just because I’m Popularity, I’m shallow? I don’t want to adopt a baby with physical or psychological or mental difficulties, and by the time we got to the top of the list for a normal baby, we’d be too old. No. (stalks out)
(Cillian collapses and gibbers for a bit until The Shrink shows up)
THE SHRINK: Erklären Sie mir über es, bitte.
CILLIAN (wildly): She doesn’t want a baby! How can you not want a baby? Babies are so little and so perfect and so loving…! I just want one more baby to cuddle, that’s all!
THE SHRINK: Muss es Ihr Baby sein?
CILLIAN: Weren’t you listening? No! Of course it doesn’t have to be my baby! I’d love to have one that looks like her, but I’ll take ANY baby! Only Anne can’t, and her sister had her tubes tied, and my brother’s wife went through menopause early and my other brother isn’t going to have any ever, and I don’t know what to do! Tell me what to do!
THE SHRINK: Hmmm… Tat wie ein Huhn für mich. (demonstrates)
(Cillian struts around flapping his “wings” and clucking vigorously)
CILLIAN (eagerly): And this will help me convince Anne to have fertility treatments? Or to adopt?
THE SHRINK: Nein, aber es sind als Hölle lustig.
(The room gets very bright all of a sudden, and there is the unmistakable sound of a tractor beam locked on to a man who is now regretting his decision to fill out the warranty card.)
LUCY (yelling, outside): Simon Couderc, you come back here RIGHT NOW!
THE SHRINK: Ah. Ich denke, dass möglicherweise es bald ein anderes Baby für Sie gibt.
CILLIAN: Thank you! Thank you, Dr. Shrink! (rushes out of the room, calling as he does so) Simon! Ask them if they can do twins!
***********
The Shrink’s lines, in order:
Tell me about it, please.
Does it have to be your baby?
Hmmm… Act like a chicken for me.
No, but it’s funny as hell.
Ah. I think that perhaps there will soon be another baby for you.
Translations courtesy of AltaVista’s BabelFish. If there are any mistakes, I wouldn’t know.
Suitable for all ages.
Dramatis Personae
Cillian (Sanders) Littledragon, a Family Sim.
Anne Littledragon, his wife.
Lucy (Littledragon) Couderc, his wife’s sister.
Simon Couderc, Lucy’s husband.
The Shrink, a mental health professional of debatable existence.
Setting
Cillian and Anne’s bedroom on the second floor of the Couderc farmhouse.
ANNE: No, I am not okay with finding a surrogate. That’s just silly. If Esme wanted me to have a baby, I would have a baby. And I don’t have a baby, so she obviously doesn’t, and there’s an end to it. There’s no point in paying thousands of dollars to defy Esme and natural selection. It’s just vanity, that’s what it is. Just enjoy your nephew and your nieces and get on with your life.
CILLIAN: But they’re not babies. Could we adopt one? (wheedlingly) You could be friends with it.
ANNE: Why do you always assume that just because I’m Popularity, I’m shallow? I don’t want to adopt a baby with physical or psychological or mental difficulties, and by the time we got to the top of the list for a normal baby, we’d be too old. No. (stalks out)
(Cillian collapses and gibbers for a bit until The Shrink shows up)
THE SHRINK: Erklären Sie mir über es, bitte.
CILLIAN (wildly): She doesn’t want a baby! How can you not want a baby? Babies are so little and so perfect and so loving…! I just want one more baby to cuddle, that’s all!
THE SHRINK: Muss es Ihr Baby sein?
CILLIAN: Weren’t you listening? No! Of course it doesn’t have to be my baby! I’d love to have one that looks like her, but I’ll take ANY baby! Only Anne can’t, and her sister had her tubes tied, and my brother’s wife went through menopause early and my other brother isn’t going to have any ever, and I don’t know what to do! Tell me what to do!
THE SHRINK: Hmmm… Tat wie ein Huhn für mich. (demonstrates)
(Cillian struts around flapping his “wings” and clucking vigorously)
CILLIAN (eagerly): And this will help me convince Anne to have fertility treatments? Or to adopt?
THE SHRINK: Nein, aber es sind als Hölle lustig.
(The room gets very bright all of a sudden, and there is the unmistakable sound of a tractor beam locked on to a man who is now regretting his decision to fill out the warranty card.)
LUCY (yelling, outside): Simon Couderc, you come back here RIGHT NOW!
THE SHRINK: Ah. Ich denke, dass möglicherweise es bald ein anderes Baby für Sie gibt.
CILLIAN: Thank you! Thank you, Dr. Shrink! (rushes out of the room, calling as he does so) Simon! Ask them if they can do twins!
***********
The Shrink’s lines, in order:
Tell me about it, please.
Does it have to be your baby?
Hmmm… Act like a chicken for me.
No, but it’s funny as hell.
Ah. I think that perhaps there will soon be another baby for you.
Translations courtesy of AltaVista’s BabelFish. If there are any mistakes, I wouldn’t know.