The prompt for this story was “Singing in the shower,” submitted by penguiongirl03. This story fits into Chapter 8 of Ruth’s (un)Officially Wacky Boolprop Challenge or thereabouts. There are no spoilers.
Rating: Sim-R, for Sim-swearing
You may find it very helpful to watch
this clip first, which contains the song that Ruth is singing. Without knowledge of how the song sounds, the full impact of the story will be lost: lyricist Gilbert wrote two letters... and composer Sullivan fit those two letters to about thirty notes each.
Dramatis Personae
Ruth Shankel, a professional contralto (the lowest female vocal range, very close to tenor at its lowest)
Ryan Shankel, her husband
Setting
The master bathroom of the Shankel residence. Ruth is taking a shower and singing enthusiastically.
RUTH: Ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah! (rinses the shampoo out of her hair)
(Banging on the door and indistinct yelling)
RUTH: Ah, ah! (rinses her face, spitting out water and soap that accidentally got in her mouth) Thhhhhhbpt Ah, ah, ah! Fair days will shine!
(Louder banging and yelling)
RUTH: Take heart, (lathering up the conditioner) Take mine!
(Bathroom door opens and shuts)
RUTH: Take heart! Take mine!
(Toilet flushes)
RUTH: Ah! Ah-AEEEEEEEEEAguh! (jumps out of the shower) What the system crash?! I was showering! Do you know what happens when you flush the toilet when somebody’s in the shower?
RYAN: Yes.
RUTH: And you didn’t even have to go! You’re still dressed! Why the woohoo would you do a censor blur thing like that?
RYAN: Honey, I love you. And I’m very glad that you’re happy. And I’m glad that you sing when you’re happy. And normally I love to hear you sing. But if you ever try to sing that song as originally written again, I will do a lot more than just flush the toilet. There may even be lawyers involved.
Note: “Poor Wand’ring One” was written for a ”coloratura,” or a soprano who can sing very high and very fast, with lots of trills and flourishes. Most of the sopranos I found on YouTube cannot manage the song as written, and do trills and flourishes other than the ones originally written to cover the gap. It is highly unlikely that a contralto (on the extreme other end of the female vocal spectrum) could come anywhere near the required notes. That said, there is a tenor in Britain who has made a career out of also
performing this kind of coloratura as well as many women (and far better than I could ever manage).
When counting the words for this short, I only counted the ones that were mine, not Gilbert’s.