Myshuno! 2014 Prompt: A rude waiter (288 words)
The prompt for this story was "A rude waiter," sumbitted by w_sims. This story fits into the current chapter of Already In Progress and contains no spoilers.
Rating: R, for discussion of male anatomy.
Dramatis Personae
Frederic Miller, a restaurater
Isaac Miller, his husband
Helen Miller, their teenaged daughter
Setting
Frederic is in the restaurant's office reviewing the comment cards. Helen and Isaac are hanging out in his office, waiting for him to be done so they can go to the movies.
FREDERIC: What? Oh no, this can't possibly be right.
ISAAC: What? Let me see.
(Frederic passes over the comment card. Isaac reads it and begins to laugh.)
ISAAC: Oh my Esme! (reads) He didn't introduce himself, he didn't tell us what he had special, he didn't even ask us what we wanted." (laughs more) What, they couldn't tell what he had special? (reads) "When asked if it was kosher, he just" (laughs so hard he can't talk) "Just stared at us."
FREDERIC: Of course we're not a kosher restaurant! We serve cheeseburgers, for Lantheesake! Esme, I just hope that card's not true. That's like fifteen differen health code violations right there, not to mention public decency laws.
ISAAC (still laughing): Couldn't they tell if he was kosher just by looking? I mean, if he was "very, very nude" and all.
HELEN: What? The waiter was nude? He was not. And even if he was, what's that got to do with kosher?
ISAAC: (mopping his eyes) He was too nude. "Very, very nude." See for yourself.
(Helen snatches the comment card)
FREDERIC: What your father is so crudely referring to is the very obvious difference between circumcised and uncircumcised men. Which you will never know anything about, since the first man you see naked will be your husband. And you're not getting married until after you're fifty, so don't even think about it.
HELEN (squinting at the card): This doesn't say the waiter was "nude." It says he was "rude." "Very, very rude." (points) See? The R kind of runs into the U, but it's still an R.
FREDERIC (to Isaac, disgusted): You, sir, have a filthy, filthy mind.
ISAAC (cheerfully): I know. And that's why you married me.
Note: There are lots of rules in Judaism about what makes a meal kosher (prepared according to the religious laws about what you can and can't eat), but a big rule is that meat (like a burger patty) and milk (like a cheese slice) can never, never be served together. If you're really strict about it, you shouldn't even store them in the same refrigerator or cook them on the same stove, let alone in the same pan. There are also rules in Judaism about male circumcision: mandatory, and done very young indeed, so there's no backing out of it. Here Isaac is incorrectly conflating the two sets of rules for humorous effect.
I mmmmmmay or may not have misread my own handwriting when reading this prompt, which may or may not have made this short more or less write itself. >_>
Rating: R, for discussion of male anatomy.
Dramatis Personae
Frederic Miller, a restaurater
Isaac Miller, his husband
Helen Miller, their teenaged daughter
Setting
Frederic is in the restaurant's office reviewing the comment cards. Helen and Isaac are hanging out in his office, waiting for him to be done so they can go to the movies.
FREDERIC: What? Oh no, this can't possibly be right.
ISAAC: What? Let me see.
(Frederic passes over the comment card. Isaac reads it and begins to laugh.)
ISAAC: Oh my Esme! (reads) He didn't introduce himself, he didn't tell us what he had special, he didn't even ask us what we wanted." (laughs more) What, they couldn't tell what he had special? (reads) "When asked if it was kosher, he just" (laughs so hard he can't talk) "Just stared at us."
FREDERIC: Of course we're not a kosher restaurant! We serve cheeseburgers, for Lantheesake! Esme, I just hope that card's not true. That's like fifteen differen health code violations right there, not to mention public decency laws.
ISAAC (still laughing): Couldn't they tell if he was kosher just by looking? I mean, if he was "very, very nude" and all.
HELEN: What? The waiter was nude? He was not. And even if he was, what's that got to do with kosher?
ISAAC: (mopping his eyes) He was too nude. "Very, very nude." See for yourself.
(Helen snatches the comment card)
FREDERIC: What your father is so crudely referring to is the very obvious difference between circumcised and uncircumcised men. Which you will never know anything about, since the first man you see naked will be your husband. And you're not getting married until after you're fifty, so don't even think about it.
HELEN (squinting at the card): This doesn't say the waiter was "nude." It says he was "rude." "Very, very rude." (points) See? The R kind of runs into the U, but it's still an R.
FREDERIC (to Isaac, disgusted): You, sir, have a filthy, filthy mind.
ISAAC (cheerfully): I know. And that's why you married me.
Note: There are lots of rules in Judaism about what makes a meal kosher (prepared according to the religious laws about what you can and can't eat), but a big rule is that meat (like a burger patty) and milk (like a cheese slice) can never, never be served together. If you're really strict about it, you shouldn't even store them in the same refrigerator or cook them on the same stove, let alone in the same pan. There are also rules in Judaism about male circumcision: mandatory, and done very young indeed, so there's no backing out of it. Here Isaac is incorrectly conflating the two sets of rules for humorous effect.
I mmmmmmay or may not have misread my own handwriting when reading this prompt, which may or may not have made this short more or less write itself. >_>