(no subject)
Hmm Let's give this a trial run and see how I feel about posting myself for my friends and anyone else to see. Do I really have anything to say I wonder. I have been feeling lost lately for different reasons. I figured out that I have at least an extra semester than I planed on. I thought I could finish four and half years but by the looks it might take five maybe even a little more. And I am wondering how will this get paid so far my tuition has been paid by my dad. Which has been really cool because well I have meet a lot people whose family is wealthier than mine, I'm lower middle class, yet their paying their own way though loans and jobs. It makes me realize how lucky I am that my dad was careful and wise with his money so I could go to college. However I admit completely because of this I still dependent upon him. I look at my friends that are working their way though college and do admire them, and partly wish I was more independent as they are. Which I may soon be because my dad had only planed putting me though for four years. We have enough for an extra semester beyond that because of grants but probably not enough for much beyond that.
I have also recently developed some crushes again, and I say crushes because if one girl causes one I begin to think of other girls that I had a crush on and they sort of come back to. The problem I have is that I don't know how to properly channel these emotions. Usually I ignore at first to see and hope it is a passing infatuation. But sometimes it just gets stronger and stronger until I act on it usually in some foolish romantic way that is a bit over the top, and can kinda scare the girl away because she was completely surprised since I can hide my emotions very well. However it has been about year since I've decided that I wasn't really ready for that kind of relationship, but desires for a deep and meaningful relationship won't give way to all the logical reasons of why I am not ready. So I am looking for ways to channel this emotion in a healthy manner instead of just suppressing it. This probably why I am writing this entry to see if this helps. I thought about even telling her how I felt, but that I really just wanted to remain friends and get to know each better. Oh well I will wait a week or more to see if my desires die down or not before acting though.
Luckily I will be able to visit my grandparents this coming weekend which should be fun. I miss and love them very deeply last year I was barely able to see them at all. The live out near New Braunsville and it's real peaceful. I hope I will be able to clear my head and figure out what to do with myself for the short and long run. I also hope that will be able to get my work done that's due this sunday and monday.
I have also recently developed some crushes again, and I say crushes because if one girl causes one I begin to think of other girls that I had a crush on and they sort of come back to. The problem I have is that I don't know how to properly channel these emotions. Usually I ignore at first to see and hope it is a passing infatuation. But sometimes it just gets stronger and stronger until I act on it usually in some foolish romantic way that is a bit over the top, and can kinda scare the girl away because she was completely surprised since I can hide my emotions very well. However it has been about year since I've decided that I wasn't really ready for that kind of relationship, but desires for a deep and meaningful relationship won't give way to all the logical reasons of why I am not ready. So I am looking for ways to channel this emotion in a healthy manner instead of just suppressing it. This probably why I am writing this entry to see if this helps. I thought about even telling her how I felt, but that I really just wanted to remain friends and get to know each better. Oh well I will wait a week or more to see if my desires die down or not before acting though.
Luckily I will be able to visit my grandparents this coming weekend which should be fun. I miss and love them very deeply last year I was barely able to see them at all. The live out near New Braunsville and it's real peaceful. I hope I will be able to clear my head and figure out what to do with myself for the short and long run. I also hope that will be able to get my work done that's due this sunday and monday.