(no subject)

[es_regnet_blut]

I'm trying very hard not to call Casey. I had to try all last night too. So much was left unsaid, so many things just hung in the air. An anonymous man stood in the midst of our argument, but we never gave him a name or a face. We couldn't, how could we know what to say? If you've read my livejournal before, or if you know me at all, you will remember that I was trying not to fall in love so I wouldn't get hurt. I said I was "protecting myself." And this is why. I work at 2, so I can't even see him today to resolve this. I couldn't sleep last night because I wanted to settle this so bad. I wanted everything to be ok. I can't even help it, I have to text message him. I wish there was a less cliche way to phrase this, but I want him to want me. I need him to need me. And I'm not sure how to proceed with this. I can't just make him love me. I can't use my telekinetic powers to make him call me.

My thoughts are so broken right now, so I apologize to those of you reading this. I can't quite say what I'm feeling, I just feel
broken
branded
burning with doubt
in the words of Further Seems Forever.

I think I need to go for a drive.