(no subject)
My head won't stop throbbing. Everytime I get up, everytime I take a step, even every random eye movement sends a pulse through my brain. I've never had a migraine but if this is it I can see the dislike. Nothing that would kill me, just frustrating. On the way to my car today my back started hurting and my breathing came hard but after a nice 3 hour nap that all went away. Now I'm left with just the headache. I'm off to bed in a few, after making a phone call, and I'm hoping I can get to sleep. If worst comes to worst I'll skip Nano tomorrow and just head to campus for the seminar at 12. At least I guess it's at 12, since I never really got a response.
Tuesday and Wednesday were career fairs here at school. I met a lot of interesting people from a select few interesting companies, as well as a few alum I already knew. I handed out roughly 15 resumes (half as many as I printed) and I have 7 interviews in limbo online at the moment. I few more online apps(Honda..Raytheon, you know, small companies) and I should be maxed out. My wonderful fiancee keeps telling me I have nothing to worry about but I can't help but wonder if all this networking and corporate ass kissing will do any good for me in the next few months. My entire college career (which I consider to start my third year, once I got serious) I have been excelling at school in all my classes, one after another(except Anthro as Kyle can attest to), and the entire time I have been downplaying the whole school thing. I have never ever been one to gloat or hold myself above anyone and school is no different. It's incredibly hard to get an honest A in a class and be ecstatic but at the same time be humble for a good friend who got a curved B with a 65%. It sucks and frankly I'm sick of it. I hate having to downplay everything and continually avoid showing true emotion so as to not be labled an arrogant prick. This semester is easier, with fewer good friends in my classes but the pressure is still there. So why does all this matter? 3 years of impressing teachers but staying down to earth with friends has kinda killed my self esteem. I no longer see myself as an outstanding student and despite my resume I still doubt myself when it comes to finding work. I'm sure I've frustrated Katherine with it and only time will tell if anyone comes knocking.
The other thing that is really scary is the permanence of the whole job thing. Well, nothing is permanent but so far in my short life this would take the cake. First there was the co-op. I got a few good offers and I took the one that seemed best at the time. There was no pressure and no worries. It never occured to me that I might be passing up on an offer that was truly better because in the end I would be back at school for my senior year. Now the choice takes on a greater meaning. As soon as I accept an offer, everything else on the table gets swept clean. I am stuck with that job for that company in that city. Doesn't matter if something 10 times better comes along, I'm spoken for. Of course there are always ways out, but I'm not especially deceitful and doubt I could reject an offer after accepting it. Just not in my skill set. So in the next few months I'll be shaping mine and Katherine's immediate future and that is very scary to me. I feel like I need to think over everything 10 times more because now I'm not only affecting myself. So that really puts the heat on when it comes to interviewing in Cinci, and a few other slightly farther locales. I'm not really sure if I'm ready for this but I'm probably being stupid now so I'll shut up and see if and when the interviews start coming. I did get an invitation to apply for a math teacher job for some private school, but the deal seems shady and mentions nothing of an education degree so I'll probably have to pass that up. I hadn't planned on being a math teacher anyway.
My brain continues to hurt so I'm going to take some more meds and hit the sack. I'm sweating like a fiend now so maybe I have a touch of something...let's hope not.
For those that care
-Zachary is doing wonderful, he finally made it back onto the bottom of the weight chart for his age and his surgery looks to be a success
-Heather's next will be a girl! It's about time I get a niece
-And we finally have hot water, so warm shower for me in the morning.
Night all
Tuesday and Wednesday were career fairs here at school. I met a lot of interesting people from a select few interesting companies, as well as a few alum I already knew. I handed out roughly 15 resumes (half as many as I printed) and I have 7 interviews in limbo online at the moment. I few more online apps(Honda..Raytheon, you know, small companies) and I should be maxed out. My wonderful fiancee keeps telling me I have nothing to worry about but I can't help but wonder if all this networking and corporate ass kissing will do any good for me in the next few months. My entire college career (which I consider to start my third year, once I got serious) I have been excelling at school in all my classes, one after another(except Anthro as Kyle can attest to), and the entire time I have been downplaying the whole school thing. I have never ever been one to gloat or hold myself above anyone and school is no different. It's incredibly hard to get an honest A in a class and be ecstatic but at the same time be humble for a good friend who got a curved B with a 65%. It sucks and frankly I'm sick of it. I hate having to downplay everything and continually avoid showing true emotion so as to not be labled an arrogant prick. This semester is easier, with fewer good friends in my classes but the pressure is still there. So why does all this matter? 3 years of impressing teachers but staying down to earth with friends has kinda killed my self esteem. I no longer see myself as an outstanding student and despite my resume I still doubt myself when it comes to finding work. I'm sure I've frustrated Katherine with it and only time will tell if anyone comes knocking.
The other thing that is really scary is the permanence of the whole job thing. Well, nothing is permanent but so far in my short life this would take the cake. First there was the co-op. I got a few good offers and I took the one that seemed best at the time. There was no pressure and no worries. It never occured to me that I might be passing up on an offer that was truly better because in the end I would be back at school for my senior year. Now the choice takes on a greater meaning. As soon as I accept an offer, everything else on the table gets swept clean. I am stuck with that job for that company in that city. Doesn't matter if something 10 times better comes along, I'm spoken for. Of course there are always ways out, but I'm not especially deceitful and doubt I could reject an offer after accepting it. Just not in my skill set. So in the next few months I'll be shaping mine and Katherine's immediate future and that is very scary to me. I feel like I need to think over everything 10 times more because now I'm not only affecting myself. So that really puts the heat on when it comes to interviewing in Cinci, and a few other slightly farther locales. I'm not really sure if I'm ready for this but I'm probably being stupid now so I'll shut up and see if and when the interviews start coming. I did get an invitation to apply for a math teacher job for some private school, but the deal seems shady and mentions nothing of an education degree so I'll probably have to pass that up. I hadn't planned on being a math teacher anyway.
My brain continues to hurt so I'm going to take some more meds and hit the sack. I'm sweating like a fiend now so maybe I have a touch of something...let's hope not.
For those that care
-Zachary is doing wonderful, he finally made it back onto the bottom of the weight chart for his age and his surgery looks to be a success
-Heather's next will be a girl! It's about time I get a niece
-And we finally have hot water, so warm shower for me in the morning.
Night all