"And every time you break my heart, it's music to my ears"
It's funny how it hurts a bit, even though it's not a big deal, really. No one likes to get the shun i guess just for all these things that we do to keep from setting ourselves adrift and giving up. But loyalties run deep.....lines have been drawn and I'm on the other side, again. It seems I can't helping hurting myself inadvertently....every decision has ramifications even months after the fact.
***
I feel it lately again, that loneliness, that weight of the past bearing down on my shoulders. Those murmurs of familiar voices whispering to me, tugging at my sleeve, making me ask how did we get here and what have we lost along the way? What path will we take now, and how will we stop ourselves from falling? How can we keep the light in and stop the rising darkness from engulfing us whole? How do we get that drive to do things back? How do we justify all of this when the cons keep outweighing the pros and the thought of closing your eyes and letting go becomes too scary and too real, so you force yourself to stay awake, occupy yourself with trivialities, keep yourself too tired to care, too tired to think beyond making it through the day..........but that feeling nags at you, that this is only a sliver of what life can really be if you find the right people to share it with, the right things to do to make you the most that you are, the right state of mind to ward off the panic within....... and i know i can't go looking for anyone else to fix this other than myself, but sometimes I'd love to have an easy way out.
***
I feel it lately again, that loneliness, that weight of the past bearing down on my shoulders. Those murmurs of familiar voices whispering to me, tugging at my sleeve, making me ask how did we get here and what have we lost along the way? What path will we take now, and how will we stop ourselves from falling? How can we keep the light in and stop the rising darkness from engulfing us whole? How do we get that drive to do things back? How do we justify all of this when the cons keep outweighing the pros and the thought of closing your eyes and letting go becomes too scary and too real, so you force yourself to stay awake, occupy yourself with trivialities, keep yourself too tired to care, too tired to think beyond making it through the day..........but that feeling nags at you, that this is only a sliver of what life can really be if you find the right people to share it with, the right things to do to make you the most that you are, the right state of mind to ward off the panic within....... and i know i can't go looking for anyone else to fix this other than myself, but sometimes I'd love to have an easy way out.