(no subject)
It's not often that the invincible John is taken down a notch, but I have recently been brought to my knees in shame...and I'm not exxageratting.
This LJ entry is for Chance and a slight look into my mind, if your here to find my Superhero weakness, then piss off.
Chance,
It actually took me a long time to figure out how to start this, which is why I didnt update last night, and to be honest Im still not sure how to say all that I want to say, Im not so good at this if you can imagine. I wouldn't do this for many people, in fact, there is only a handful that I feel comfortable enough to even read what I REALLY have to say, but I deserve this and I know it.
I was wrong on many accounts, one of my biggest faults in life is burning bridges, and by that, I mean when I hit a road in my life and have to move on, I leave everything else behind, and Im not sure why. I never meant for you to be a bridge, but somewhere along the line you were. As far as Kollin and Ryan goes, Im not sure how they felt but I really thought we were pals, If I'd have known how you felt, It might have been different, I know you might not believe this, but I really thought we were ok, and now I realize that we weren't. Looking back we made fun of you a whole lot, but thats who I am, I make fun of people, and dont tell anybody, but unless you can tell Im angry, I never mean what I say. But that shouldn't matter, the fact is that I made fun of you to the point where you hated me and I never meant that, Chance Im so so sorry. Im the kind of person that never regrets anything, but I find myself wanting to go back and punching myself in the face because for how I treated you.
Dammit, its hard to say what I want to say in text, and giving our past, I wont blame you for not believing me, but I really am truly sorry, for everything. The belittlement, the burning of the bridges, the being hard on you for have a drink, God im so sorry. I never wanted our friendship to just go away but it did and I never knew. I know Im a jerk, and Im ok with that, but with you it pushed you away and I never meant for that. I know that I could type Im sorry a thousand times and it wont make up for it, but you have no idea how HARD this is for me, pretty much only Paul knows that Im actually a very emotional person, and when you looked at me at Applebees last night and told me that I hurt you, it killed me. it absolutely killed me.
I dont know what else to say really, im out of words and needs to take a nap, but there it is, my heart is actually on the table and I do it for no other reason than because I want to be your friend, make it up somehow I dont know. If you dont forgive me, I understand, but know this, if there was a way to beg in text I'd do it, for your forgivness.
Crying? You bet your ass I am.
This LJ entry is for Chance and a slight look into my mind, if your here to find my Superhero weakness, then piss off.
Chance,
It actually took me a long time to figure out how to start this, which is why I didnt update last night, and to be honest Im still not sure how to say all that I want to say, Im not so good at this if you can imagine. I wouldn't do this for many people, in fact, there is only a handful that I feel comfortable enough to even read what I REALLY have to say, but I deserve this and I know it.
I was wrong on many accounts, one of my biggest faults in life is burning bridges, and by that, I mean when I hit a road in my life and have to move on, I leave everything else behind, and Im not sure why. I never meant for you to be a bridge, but somewhere along the line you were. As far as Kollin and Ryan goes, Im not sure how they felt but I really thought we were pals, If I'd have known how you felt, It might have been different, I know you might not believe this, but I really thought we were ok, and now I realize that we weren't. Looking back we made fun of you a whole lot, but thats who I am, I make fun of people, and dont tell anybody, but unless you can tell Im angry, I never mean what I say. But that shouldn't matter, the fact is that I made fun of you to the point where you hated me and I never meant that, Chance Im so so sorry. Im the kind of person that never regrets anything, but I find myself wanting to go back and punching myself in the face because for how I treated you.
Dammit, its hard to say what I want to say in text, and giving our past, I wont blame you for not believing me, but I really am truly sorry, for everything. The belittlement, the burning of the bridges, the being hard on you for have a drink, God im so sorry. I never wanted our friendship to just go away but it did and I never knew. I know Im a jerk, and Im ok with that, but with you it pushed you away and I never meant for that. I know that I could type Im sorry a thousand times and it wont make up for it, but you have no idea how HARD this is for me, pretty much only Paul knows that Im actually a very emotional person, and when you looked at me at Applebees last night and told me that I hurt you, it killed me. it absolutely killed me.
I dont know what else to say really, im out of words and needs to take a nap, but there it is, my heart is actually on the table and I do it for no other reason than because I want to be your friend, make it up somehow I dont know. If you dont forgive me, I understand, but know this, if there was a way to beg in text I'd do it, for your forgivness.
Crying? You bet your ass I am.