Sam Winchester: Putting the "co" in "psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent".
And, let's face it, the "psychotically" as well...
Note: Okay, so I've been promising (or threatening, possibly) to write a crazy essay about Sam's love for Dean for awhile. In light of recent events (S6!Sam, the wincon panel, missyjack's Sam meta, and my own S6!Sam thoughts), I finally sort of got to it. I'm pretty sure there are a ton of things I meant to say that I've left out. Some of this I've said various other places, and I talked about it so much at wincon, I'm not entirely sure what came from whom anymore. Regardless, this is a subject that's been near and dear to my heart since S1. Thank you to balefully for reading this over for me and making sure it's at least semi-coherent.
From the beginning of the series, I have pretty much loved both Sam and Dean with equal fervor. I'm basing this on the fact that I've never come away from an episode feeling like one of them got shafted in favor of the other. I also always found John sympathetic (but that's a whole other essay). That being said, I often feel like Sam tends to get the short end of the stick in fandom. There seems to be this perception that he doesn't love Dean as much as Dean loves him, and I just don't think that's true. It's safe to say Sam's world is as focused on Dean as Dean's is on Sam. Just because it is not in the same way does not mean it's any less intense. Or psychotic.
Despite Sam's bratty (adorable) bitchfacey ways, his love for Dean is apparent from the beginning. One of the most significant things I think is often overlooked is that while Sam was having nightmares about Jessica's death for weeks, he still went with Dean when Dean asked him to. Even though he didn't know those dreams would come true, he was having strong psychic premonitions of his girlfriend dying the same horrible death as his mother. He had to have some misgivings about leaving her alone, but he went with Dean anyway. And it wasn't because Dean couldn't do it alone, it was because he didn't want to.
Since the first season, when push comes to shove, Dean has always come out as Sam's top priority. As far back as Faith, Sam has shown a willingness to blur the lines of morality where Dean's well-being is concerned. While I don't believe that Sam knew for sure that Roy wasn't a true healer, I've always thought that there was a certain amount of willful ignorance on his part there. (Hi, there may be a few instances here where I'm a self-referential douchebag. Some people find it charming?)
This isn't to discount the fact that Sam has his own agenda. He does, and it comes up against Dean's regularly, but over and over Sam chooses Dean when they do clash (ex: he goes back for Dean in Scarecrow instead of going on to find John). When John is possessed and Sam has the opportunity to kill Azazel - the opportunity to kill the thing that killed his mother and his girlfriend - he doesn't because Dean asks him not to.
JOHN: I'm surprised at you, Sammy. Why didn't you kill it? I thought we saw eye-to-eye on this - killing this demon comes first, before me, before everything.
SAM: *looking at Dean in the rearview mirror* No, sir. Not before everything.
ZOMG LOVE LOVE LOVE!! *cough* Sorry. As I was saying...
Sam's pursuit of a normal life is a huge point of contention, this perception that he abandoned Dean by going off to college. While it can validly be seen that way from Dean's perspective, Sam honestly doesn't see it that way because his view of family is completely different from Dean's. This is true in a lot of ways, but most importantly in that Sam is actually secure enough in Dean's love to do his own thing. Sam knows that Dean will be there for him and doesn't really ever comprehend that Dean doesn't believe the same is true of him.
More than once, especially in the later seasons, we see the cracks in Sam's confidence stemming from Dean doubting him. With everything that has happened to them, with every bad thing they've been through, that is the one thing that Sam truly cannot handle.
DEAN: Monster, Sam. You're a monster.
SAM: Dean, no.
DEAN: And I tried so hard to pretend that we were brothers. That you weren't one of the filthy things that we hunt. But we're not even the same species. You're nothing to me.
SAM: Don't say that to me. Don't you say that to me.
~When the Levee Breaks
And again in Point Of No Return:
DEAN: I just…I-I don't believe.
SAM: In what?
DEAN: In you. I mean, I don't. I don't know whether it's gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they're gonna find a way to turn you.
SAM: So you're saying I'm not strong enough.
DEAN: You're angry, you're self-righteous. Lucifer's gonna wear you to the prom, man. It's just a matter of time.
SAM: Don't say that to me. Not you...of all people.
But even after that, after Dean flat-out tells Sam he has no faith in him, Sam still decides to take Dean with them to rescue Adam.
DEAN: Isn't that a bad idea?
SAM: Cas and Bobby think so. I'm not so sure.
DEAN: Well, they're right. Because either it's a trap to get me there to make me say yes, or it's not a trap and I'm gonna say yes anyway. And I will. I'll do it. Fair warning.
SAM: No, you won't. When push shoves, you'll make the right call.
DEAN: You know, if tables were turned…I'd let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here.
SAM: Yeah, well…I guess I'm not that smart.
DEAN: I-I don't get it. Sam, why are you doing this?
SAM: Because…you're still my big brother.
Yay superwiki for having all the transcripts!!
Not only is Sam's faith in Dean pretty much unshakable, it's a fundamental part of who Sam is as a person. Sam is as shaped by being Dean's little brother as Dean is by being Sam's protector.
Dean is Sam's safety net. He is what keeps Sam from going batshit insane. Dean is unquestionably the most important person in Sam's life. The irony there is that this dynamic constantly puts them at cross-purposes. Sam is secure in Dean's support, allowing him to rebel. Sam rebels, making Dean think that he doesn't want/need him.
I actually think that, of the two of them, Sam needs Dean more. Awhile ago I was joking about the difference between how Sam and Dean respond to manipulation. Dean's instinct tends to be self-sacrificing. Sam falls a little bit more on the...psychotic rage end of things?
This is especially true in the third season. Sam's dependence on Dean and his increasing willingness to engage in morally bankrupt behavior in order save him is what allowed Ruby to so easily slip past his defenses. Sam's desperation made him ridiculously easy to manipulate.
Sam is arguably at his worst in S4, what with the blood-drinking and all. However, all of that was predicated on Dean's death - the (supposed) certainty that he wasn't coming back. We'd already had a glimpse of what Sam without Dean was like in the Mystery Spot. Ruby knew exactly what buttons to push to make a grief-stricken, suicidal Sam do exactly what she wanted, and they were all Dean shaped.
Actually, the show draws an unmistakable parallel between John/Sam and Mary/Dean. When faced with the loss of John/Sam, Mary/Dean made a stupid deal, one they knew better than to make, both having been raised as hunters. When faced with Mary/Dean's death, John/Sam went INSANE. Mystery Spot!Sam is a logical extension of what John would have been like had he not had Sam and Dean to look after.
By the time Dean came back in S4, it was too late. Sam was already so twisted around, crazycakes and bent on revenge, and Dean was dealing with his own hot mess of issues. One of the brilliantly tragic things about their disconnect throughout the season was that so much of Sam's insistence on being stronger, being independent, and saving Dean was wrapped up in his grief at his previous failure to do so, his inability to rescue him from Hell, and wanting to prove to Dean that he could be relied on. Throughout S4 and S5, what Sam wants in his struggle for independence is for Dean to have the faith in Sam that Sam has always had in Dean.
Which isn't to say he always went about it in the best way possible. Hindsight and all of that. But in the end, Sam's faith in Dean paid off, and Dean's faith in Sam saved the world. And it was amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing.
In case anyone was wondering, I kind of love this show.
End Note: Okay, so on the panel at wincon we kind of jokingly said that Sam totally had crazy "If I can't have you, nobody can" murder/suicide love for Dean. And I kind of think that's more accurate than not. Not that I think Sam actually would kill Dean, but his love can be pretty cray-cray. NGL, I don't hate that about him...
ETA:
DEAN: Don't get mad at me. Don't you do that. I had to. I had to look out for you. That's my job.
SAM: And what do you think my job is?
DEAN: What?
SAM: You've saved my life over and over. I mean, you sacrifice everything for me. Don't you think I'd do the same for you? You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. And I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna get you out of this. Guess I gotta save your ass for a change.
~All Hell Breaks Loose II
HEARTS IN MY EYES!!! Okay, I'm done now. Really...
Okay, I lied. One more, from Fresh Blood:
DEAN: And how do you know that?
SAM: Because I know you!
DEAN: Really?
SAM: Yeah, I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since i was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And, I mean, I can't blame you. It's just...
DEAN: What?
SAM: I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cause... just 'cause
Note: Okay, so I've been promising (or threatening, possibly) to write a crazy essay about Sam's love for Dean for awhile. In light of recent events (S6!Sam, the wincon panel, missyjack's Sam meta, and my own S6!Sam thoughts), I finally sort of got to it. I'm pretty sure there are a ton of things I meant to say that I've left out. Some of this I've said various other places, and I talked about it so much at wincon, I'm not entirely sure what came from whom anymore. Regardless, this is a subject that's been near and dear to my heart since S1. Thank you to balefully for reading this over for me and making sure it's at least semi-coherent.
From the beginning of the series, I have pretty much loved both Sam and Dean with equal fervor. I'm basing this on the fact that I've never come away from an episode feeling like one of them got shafted in favor of the other. I also always found John sympathetic (but that's a whole other essay). That being said, I often feel like Sam tends to get the short end of the stick in fandom. There seems to be this perception that he doesn't love Dean as much as Dean loves him, and I just don't think that's true. It's safe to say Sam's world is as focused on Dean as Dean's is on Sam. Just because it is not in the same way does not mean it's any less intense. Or psychotic.
Despite Sam's bratty (adorable) bitchfacey ways, his love for Dean is apparent from the beginning. One of the most significant things I think is often overlooked is that while Sam was having nightmares about Jessica's death for weeks, he still went with Dean when Dean asked him to. Even though he didn't know those dreams would come true, he was having strong psychic premonitions of his girlfriend dying the same horrible death as his mother. He had to have some misgivings about leaving her alone, but he went with Dean anyway. And it wasn't because Dean couldn't do it alone, it was because he didn't want to.
Since the first season, when push comes to shove, Dean has always come out as Sam's top priority. As far back as Faith, Sam has shown a willingness to blur the lines of morality where Dean's well-being is concerned. While I don't believe that Sam knew for sure that Roy wasn't a true healer, I've always thought that there was a certain amount of willful ignorance on his part there. (Hi, there may be a few instances here where I'm a self-referential douchebag. Some people find it charming?)
This isn't to discount the fact that Sam has his own agenda. He does, and it comes up against Dean's regularly, but over and over Sam chooses Dean when they do clash (ex: he goes back for Dean in Scarecrow instead of going on to find John). When John is possessed and Sam has the opportunity to kill Azazel - the opportunity to kill the thing that killed his mother and his girlfriend - he doesn't because Dean asks him not to.
JOHN: I'm surprised at you, Sammy. Why didn't you kill it? I thought we saw eye-to-eye on this - killing this demon comes first, before me, before everything.
SAM: *looking at Dean in the rearview mirror* No, sir. Not before everything.
ZOMG LOVE LOVE LOVE!! *cough* Sorry. As I was saying...
Sam's pursuit of a normal life is a huge point of contention, this perception that he abandoned Dean by going off to college. While it can validly be seen that way from Dean's perspective, Sam honestly doesn't see it that way because his view of family is completely different from Dean's. This is true in a lot of ways, but most importantly in that Sam is actually secure enough in Dean's love to do his own thing. Sam knows that Dean will be there for him and doesn't really ever comprehend that Dean doesn't believe the same is true of him.
More than once, especially in the later seasons, we see the cracks in Sam's confidence stemming from Dean doubting him. With everything that has happened to them, with every bad thing they've been through, that is the one thing that Sam truly cannot handle.
DEAN: Monster, Sam. You're a monster.
SAM: Dean, no.
DEAN: And I tried so hard to pretend that we were brothers. That you weren't one of the filthy things that we hunt. But we're not even the same species. You're nothing to me.
SAM: Don't say that to me. Don't you say that to me.
~When the Levee Breaks
And again in Point Of No Return:
DEAN: I just…I-I don't believe.
SAM: In what?
DEAN: In you. I mean, I don't. I don't know whether it's gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they're gonna find a way to turn you.
SAM: So you're saying I'm not strong enough.
DEAN: You're angry, you're self-righteous. Lucifer's gonna wear you to the prom, man. It's just a matter of time.
SAM: Don't say that to me. Not you...of all people.
But even after that, after Dean flat-out tells Sam he has no faith in him, Sam still decides to take Dean with them to rescue Adam.
DEAN: Isn't that a bad idea?
SAM: Cas and Bobby think so. I'm not so sure.
DEAN: Well, they're right. Because either it's a trap to get me there to make me say yes, or it's not a trap and I'm gonna say yes anyway. And I will. I'll do it. Fair warning.
SAM: No, you won't. When push shoves, you'll make the right call.
DEAN: You know, if tables were turned…I'd let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here.
SAM: Yeah, well…I guess I'm not that smart.
DEAN: I-I don't get it. Sam, why are you doing this?
SAM: Because…you're still my big brother.
Yay superwiki for having all the transcripts!!
Not only is Sam's faith in Dean pretty much unshakable, it's a fundamental part of who Sam is as a person. Sam is as shaped by being Dean's little brother as Dean is by being Sam's protector.
Dean is Sam's safety net. He is what keeps Sam from going batshit insane. Dean is unquestionably the most important person in Sam's life. The irony there is that this dynamic constantly puts them at cross-purposes. Sam is secure in Dean's support, allowing him to rebel. Sam rebels, making Dean think that he doesn't want/need him.
I actually think that, of the two of them, Sam needs Dean more. Awhile ago I was joking about the difference between how Sam and Dean respond to manipulation. Dean's instinct tends to be self-sacrificing. Sam falls a little bit more on the...psychotic rage end of things?
This is especially true in the third season. Sam's dependence on Dean and his increasing willingness to engage in morally bankrupt behavior in order save him is what allowed Ruby to so easily slip past his defenses. Sam's desperation made him ridiculously easy to manipulate.
Sam is arguably at his worst in S4, what with the blood-drinking and all. However, all of that was predicated on Dean's death - the (supposed) certainty that he wasn't coming back. We'd already had a glimpse of what Sam without Dean was like in the Mystery Spot. Ruby knew exactly what buttons to push to make a grief-stricken, suicidal Sam do exactly what she wanted, and they were all Dean shaped.
Actually, the show draws an unmistakable parallel between John/Sam and Mary/Dean. When faced with the loss of John/Sam, Mary/Dean made a stupid deal, one they knew better than to make, both having been raised as hunters. When faced with Mary/Dean's death, John/Sam went INSANE. Mystery Spot!Sam is a logical extension of what John would have been like had he not had Sam and Dean to look after.
By the time Dean came back in S4, it was too late. Sam was already so twisted around, crazycakes and bent on revenge, and Dean was dealing with his own hot mess of issues. One of the brilliantly tragic things about their disconnect throughout the season was that so much of Sam's insistence on being stronger, being independent, and saving Dean was wrapped up in his grief at his previous failure to do so, his inability to rescue him from Hell, and wanting to prove to Dean that he could be relied on. Throughout S4 and S5, what Sam wants in his struggle for independence is for Dean to have the faith in Sam that Sam has always had in Dean.
Which isn't to say he always went about it in the best way possible. Hindsight and all of that. But in the end, Sam's faith in Dean paid off, and Dean's faith in Sam saved the world. And it was amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing.
In case anyone was wondering, I kind of love this show.
End Note: Okay, so on the panel at wincon we kind of jokingly said that Sam totally had crazy "If I can't have you, nobody can" murder/suicide love for Dean. And I kind of think that's more accurate than not. Not that I think Sam actually would kill Dean, but his love can be pretty cray-cray. NGL, I don't hate that about him...
ETA:
DEAN: Don't get mad at me. Don't you do that. I had to. I had to look out for you. That's my job.
SAM: And what do you think my job is?
DEAN: What?
SAM: You've saved my life over and over. I mean, you sacrifice everything for me. Don't you think I'd do the same for you? You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. And I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna get you out of this. Guess I gotta save your ass for a change.
~All Hell Breaks Loose II
HEARTS IN MY EYES!!! Okay, I'm done now. Really...
Okay, I lied. One more, from Fresh Blood:
DEAN: And how do you know that?
SAM: Because I know you!
DEAN: Really?
SAM: Yeah, I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since i was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And, I mean, I can't blame you. It's just...
DEAN: What?
SAM: I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cause... just 'cause