erinya
in
erinya_fic
PWP meme
Borrowed without permission from penknife and piratemistress. Because doing the meme was more fun than trying to write the actual stories.
Includes big giant SPOILERS for AWE.
The Pirate's Progress
Jack: Oy there! Lass! Wasn't this story supposed to be finished in January?
Erinya: [pathetically] Yes. But I got stuck.
Jack: You got stuck? What about me, eh? You've left me in the Underworld for months now! Have you seen the movie? Elizabeth brought me back faster than you, and she's the one got me into this mess.
Erinya: Well, at least you're not bugfuck insane in my version, right?
Jack: [darkly] Not yet. But who knows. Maybe this is how I got that way.
Erinya: Okay, okay. I'll write it. I just need to do a little more research.
Jack: Oh, for the love of-- Just fake it, love. I promise you, no one will know.
Erinya: Have you met this fandom? These people know their classics. And their dead pirates. They'll know.
Jack: Then distract them with convoluted sentence structure, scraps of Latin, and humorous side-tracking. [off her look] What? It's always worked for me.
A Little Knowledge, part III
Erinya: So you know that everyone wants the two of you to have really hot illicit sex in this part, right? Including me.
Johnny: [from his personal cloud of smoke] Sorry, no. And just to really throw you for a loop, I'm finally marrying Vanessa this summer.
Erinya: Yes, I know. And you're completely adorable about it. Damn you.
Keira: And I love Rupert!!!1!!
Erinya: Riiiight, the Orlando lookalike. Keira, sweetie, I love you, but your taste in whelps men leaves something to be desired. Why don't you just come right out, as it were, and date a girl?
Keira: [ cavorts sapphically with Sienna Miller on the set of Edge of Love]
Erinya: ....okay, so it's just bad taste in general, then. AND NO I WILL NOT SLASH YOU WITH HER MAKE THE BUNNIES GO AWAY.
Johnny: Are we done here?
Erinya: No! KISS, MY PRETTIES! Come on, I know you want to.
The One in Which Jack Becomes Mistress to a King
Elizabeth: This really is Porn Without Plot, isn't it?
Jack: Nothing wrong with that, love.
Erinya: There is too a plot! Elizabeth has a son. And stuff. And there's angst. And something about a chest...
Jack: Etcetera, etcetera, ad nauseum. We know all that. Everyone and their distant cousin of their aunt's nephew twice removed is writing it. Naturally you just want in on the fun, and who's to argue? But will you stop faffing about and get to it already?
Elizabeth: Jack has a point. Don't make me wait ten years like those other writers whose initials are T and T.
Erinya: Fine. [types] "AND THEN THEY DONE SEX. The end."
Jack: That's not very nice. Leaves me strangely unsatisfied, and most likely the readers as well.
Elizabeth: And my satisfaction doesn't bear mentioning, I suppose.
Jack: Not to worry, Your Nibs. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Your satisfaction goes without saying.
Elizabeth: Apparently it does!
Erinya: You two are impossible. Why don't you write it, then?
Jack and Elizabeth: [exchange predatory smiles] Well, if we must.
Erinya: ....Why didn't I think of this earlier?
The One in Which the Curse Gets Lifted
Will: Wait, wasn't this supposed to be a happy ending?
Erinya: Sorry, babe. If you want a fairy tale, you should probably go elsewhere.
Will: No kidding. This one is a bit Grimm.
Erinya: You didn't think coming back to the land of the living would be easy, did you?
Will: No. But no one wants to read about that. Most people prefer to believe that it will all be okay after the screen goes black and the credits roll.
Erinya: Too bad life doesn't work that way. And it follows that magic doesn't, either.
Elizabeth: Oh, please. Ten years of sexual frustration on my part should be more than good enough to magic away any inconvenient details and spackle up those giant plotholes, too.
Erinya: Afraid not. I'm not much for flowers and fluffbunnies recently, if you've noticed.
Will: Well, how do you think we feel?
Erinya: Muah ha ha ha ha. ...Ahem. It might end in OT3. Does that help?
Elizabeth: YES PLEASE. I mean, I guess that's all right.
Will: That's it. I'm officially on strike. [produces sign] Come on, Elizabeth, let's go.
Elizabeth: [sulkily] Oh, fine then. Like you never made puppy eyes at Jack on the way to Tortuga.
Will: How did you--Hey! Did he tell you that?
Includes big giant SPOILERS for AWE.
The Pirate's Progress
Jack: Oy there! Lass! Wasn't this story supposed to be finished in January?
Erinya: [pathetically] Yes. But I got stuck.
Jack: You got stuck? What about me, eh? You've left me in the Underworld for months now! Have you seen the movie? Elizabeth brought me back faster than you, and she's the one got me into this mess.
Erinya: Well, at least you're not bugfuck insane in my version, right?
Jack: [darkly] Not yet. But who knows. Maybe this is how I got that way.
Erinya: Okay, okay. I'll write it. I just need to do a little more research.
Jack: Oh, for the love of-- Just fake it, love. I promise you, no one will know.
Erinya: Have you met this fandom? These people know their classics. And their dead pirates. They'll know.
Jack: Then distract them with convoluted sentence structure, scraps of Latin, and humorous side-tracking. [off her look] What? It's always worked for me.
A Little Knowledge, part III
Erinya: So you know that everyone wants the two of you to have really hot illicit sex in this part, right? Including me.
Johnny: [from his personal cloud of smoke] Sorry, no. And just to really throw you for a loop, I'm finally marrying Vanessa this summer.
Erinya: Yes, I know. And you're completely adorable about it. Damn you.
Keira: And I love Rupert!!!1!!
Erinya: Riiiight, the Orlando lookalike. Keira, sweetie, I love you, but your taste in whelps men leaves something to be desired. Why don't you just come right out, as it were, and date a girl?
Keira: [ cavorts sapphically with Sienna Miller on the set of Edge of Love]
Erinya: ....okay, so it's just bad taste in general, then. AND NO I WILL NOT SLASH YOU WITH HER MAKE THE BUNNIES GO AWAY.
Johnny: Are we done here?
Erinya: No! KISS, MY PRETTIES! Come on, I know you want to.
The One in Which Jack Becomes Mistress to a King
Elizabeth: This really is Porn Without Plot, isn't it?
Jack: Nothing wrong with that, love.
Erinya: There is too a plot! Elizabeth has a son. And stuff. And there's angst. And something about a chest...
Jack: Etcetera, etcetera, ad nauseum. We know all that. Everyone and their distant cousin of their aunt's nephew twice removed is writing it. Naturally you just want in on the fun, and who's to argue? But will you stop faffing about and get to it already?
Elizabeth: Jack has a point. Don't make me wait ten years like those other writers whose initials are T and T.
Erinya: Fine. [types] "AND THEN THEY DONE SEX. The end."
Jack: That's not very nice. Leaves me strangely unsatisfied, and most likely the readers as well.
Elizabeth: And my satisfaction doesn't bear mentioning, I suppose.
Jack: Not to worry, Your Nibs. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Your satisfaction goes without saying.
Elizabeth: Apparently it does!
Erinya: You two are impossible. Why don't you write it, then?
Jack and Elizabeth: [exchange predatory smiles] Well, if we must.
Erinya: ....Why didn't I think of this earlier?
The One in Which the Curse Gets Lifted
Will: Wait, wasn't this supposed to be a happy ending?
Erinya: Sorry, babe. If you want a fairy tale, you should probably go elsewhere.
Will: No kidding. This one is a bit Grimm.
Erinya: You didn't think coming back to the land of the living would be easy, did you?
Will: No. But no one wants to read about that. Most people prefer to believe that it will all be okay after the screen goes black and the credits roll.
Erinya: Too bad life doesn't work that way. And it follows that magic doesn't, either.
Elizabeth: Oh, please. Ten years of sexual frustration on my part should be more than good enough to magic away any inconvenient details and spackle up those giant plotholes, too.
Erinya: Afraid not. I'm not much for flowers and fluffbunnies recently, if you've noticed.
Will: Well, how do you think we feel?
Erinya: Muah ha ha ha ha. ...Ahem. It might end in OT3. Does that help?
Elizabeth: YES PLEASE. I mean, I guess that's all right.
Will: That's it. I'm officially on strike. [produces sign] Come on, Elizabeth, let's go.
Elizabeth: [sulkily] Oh, fine then. Like you never made puppy eyes at Jack on the way to Tortuga.
Will: How did you--Hey! Did he tell you that?