(no subject)
i know i shouldn't have structured so much of my life around her, but i did. but then part of me says that 3 years is a long time. there are things i would have done differently, but it was very rare that i was unhappy with her. i was also much happier when i was just with her. it's tough to shake the feeling that i was way more into this than she was, but i think that's mostly due to how much better she seems to be taking this than me (at least outwardly). now i have to pick up the pieces and figure out what i'm going to do next.
naieve (and unfounded) hope seems to have kept me in a strange place for the last two weeks. i'm not sure exactly what i'm hoping for, but i can feel that it's the kind of hope i shouldn't have. that slightly guilty kind of hope. one thing i will say, she has been accomodating about the whole thing. i can't fault her there. but moving on from this one will be tough. not just becasue i don't want to, but becasue i don't really have anything else real (maybe a better word would be "immediate") that i enjoy in my life right now. it's depressing to look at those words, but that's the way it is.
i'm up at 7am because some kind of noise jolted me out of my nice peaceful place and now i can't get back to sleep. it seems i'm never going to get those 8 hours in a row that i'm searching for.
"once, all dreams were worth keeping"
naieve (and unfounded) hope seems to have kept me in a strange place for the last two weeks. i'm not sure exactly what i'm hoping for, but i can feel that it's the kind of hope i shouldn't have. that slightly guilty kind of hope. one thing i will say, she has been accomodating about the whole thing. i can't fault her there. but moving on from this one will be tough. not just becasue i don't want to, but becasue i don't really have anything else real (maybe a better word would be "immediate") that i enjoy in my life right now. it's depressing to look at those words, but that's the way it is.
i'm up at 7am because some kind of noise jolted me out of my nice peaceful place and now i can't get back to sleep. it seems i'm never going to get those 8 hours in a row that i'm searching for.
"once, all dreams were worth keeping"