(no subject)
what are you supposed to do when you know that you really need to concentrate on school and graduate in 3 years, but at the same time, you see this person, who you have seen for almost ever, and you know he's the one. if you are supposed to be with someone, it will be him. how do you go about telling him that you could see yourself marrying one guy, him. but there comes the honesty effect. it makes him nervous and scares him away. maybe it's just long term thinking that brings this thought of him to my mind. maybe it's the fact that now that he's single, i don't want to see or hear about him with another girl. i know it's unrealistic and it won't happen, but i can hope. he says he's coming to visit, although there never is any date set up, . i can't believe that i would actually cry over this, especially when everyone tells me this guy is crap, just using me for sex or as someone to drag down with him, and i should just stop talking to him now. I can't do it, I tried for 2 years, I'm a wuss, I needed something from him again, the something he has that makes me feel a certain way, the certain way that people feel, that they describe as being whole. It's hard to walk to through the city and see all the homeless and poor people and trashy neighborhoods, stuff like that hits you hard if you aren't used to seeing it everyday on a regular basis. You have to have something or someone to think about to bring you back up at the end of the day. The cat can only bring you so far. It's too damn bad that he can't just move out here and we can date and do all that. That would be perfect. I'd love it.