love really sucks ass...no feelings or not caring is much better

[erinlittle]

Well of course if you love someone, it doesn't matter what the circumstances are, you will always feel this way and you don't have control over letting them into your heart. But then it comes to the point where you can't let them take you all over again, even if it's not the same, it can do the same amount of damage. Especially if someone has a girlfriend, I can't handle being THAT girl...I'd rather just wait until they aren't together and then start hanging out with him. It's easy to get my mind off of him now, because i have so much going on, like moving to chicago, going to the academy and finishing school at delta. I just feel like I've opened a can of worms and they are crawling all over me and there's some skin that's wormless, but never much, because the worm takes over most of it. He is just taking me over, whether I want him to or not....I don't want him to...It's to the point that I would almost rather just stop talking to him again for a couple of years. The only reason why I wouldn't do that is because I would be afraid that he would get married to someone else.....is it that bad to want the only person you could see yourself getting married to, go and get married to someone else??? I seriously would be so depressed for like at least a year or two. Who knows what you happen, so it's either never hear from him again or block it out til he gets single and then see what happens. I don't need an official relationship or anything, if it was just me and him, that's the best it could ever be and would be the most special thing between anyone. I just want to feel how I did before....at least all of the positive times. Because I do miss him, I miss him so much that I have to start thinking about my school and chicago to get him off my mind. I wish that his situation was easy and clear and then everything would fall into place, for me or for her. I love him, I do, and I know that I haven't loved any other guys ever. I avoid these things, but when someone knows you so well and you can talk with them so heart to heart after not seeing them for 2 years,you can't get away from him not knowing me and growing with someone. I love him, i hope he doesn't see it because i haven't said anything like this for such a long time, probably ever in the past 2 years. But it's him, he is the one that I would want to marry and if that doesn't happen....I will never get married and have kids.

On the other hand, other guys that I've blown off for the "love" man have been acting crazy. I don't get why they call or want to actually hang out. I guess I should feel good about it, because it's me that they want to be with. I just wish they all weren't bullshiters and didn't act like they cared about me and wanted to be romantic. I hate that I can be a super romantic girlfriend, I just need the right guy to buy the vs outfit for and get 100 candles to light........so please send me someone that can enjoy that with me and be sincere and caring, preferably the guy i love, thanks.