seriously, come shoot me now
I am sooo bored, I wish I could fall asleep but it doesn't look like it's going to be soon at all. Last night was 3 am, I hoping tonight would be 2, but it's not gonna happen. Anyways, so I'm getting the cutest furry boots ever....they are sooo hot. I'm excited because now I don't have to wear flip flops with my winter skirts, because shoes just look super shitty with any of them. And the whole guy situation, well I haven't really talked to any of them today, I think that maybe I should just stop the whole I want to find a nice guy to hang out with for now.....I mean, it's not like I'm looking for the one or anything, just someone to spend some time with and not have it be a complete waste, I suppose that they have to have the characteristics of what I would look for in the one, but who knows who is the right one. With my luck, I probably was already a total bitch to him and he hates me. Well I figure it's not that big of a deal, as long as I have a successful career, I really don't need a guy to have kids and to support me. So I guess life without a guy wouldn't be that bad. I'd rather be in love and have kids naturally and get married, but sometimes you can't have what you want. I've been realizing that married isn't all its cracked up to be. I don't think any couples are truly happy. I always thought my parents were and now it's obvious that they aren't, they barely even talk to each other. And when my mom suggests that I don't get married, I think she's trying to say that after everything she's been through, she wishes that she would have not gotten married and just dated someone and have nothing serious come of it. But I want babies and you can't have babies with someone who doesn't want something serious....it's that or artificially getting pregnant, which throws out the whole dad in the picture. Yeah, so basically I don't need a guy to have kids and shit. I guess I wouldn't mind having one now, because it's shitty to stay in alone sometimes, because I don't want to hang out with anyone in my family sometimes and my 3 best girlfriends all turned out to be basically the biggest bitches in the world by leaving me just because I have a problem I'm going through, so it kinda sucks sometimes. Basically I feel like the only time I go out is when I'm dating someone or some guy wants me to come to a party with him or gay stuff like that. It's never meaningful, it will never get to the point of even having a close friendship, I don't even know what it is, what they want. I don't know, I think I have 2 guys that I can actually talk to about stuff on a regular basis and hang out with. But at the same time, I get worried like what if they like me, because I don't like having to worry about that, I'd rather just be friends and leave it at that. There's actually one really nice guy that I am talking to who seems super sweet and I think that I could really see myself with him, I just get a little nervous because I thought that about Matt at first too and look how that turned out. But I guess Matt didn't say things like he says and it's not stuff that you can make up real easily, so I'm gonna say it's for real. I don't know, I just want relationships to be easier, less dramatics, and more caring. Since I've been single that's what I've been looking for and I haven't found it yet. Every guy I meet seems so fake and liars. I really don't care, I'd rather just be told the truth straight up then be lied to. I'm sure that most girls have to deal with this all the time, but I've dated a ton of guys and until now, I've never had this problem. If they said they'd call, they would. Maybe it was because I really wasn't interested and they were, and it's the reverse now or something, that's the only thing I could think of. Maybe it's just the wrong type of guys, but I am just super picky and not attracted to a lot of guys, so it limits it. I don't get too how some people tell me that I should date less good looking guys....well if I'm not attracted to them at first, I probably won't be because other stupid shit turns me off even more. I can't stand when people chew with their mouth open, when they don't know how to dress well, when they can't cook at all, when they are messy, when they smoke, when they drink all the time, when they don't follow through with things, when they aren't doing anything with their lives, when they can't make plans, when they aren't physically fit, when they can't make decisions, when they take longer than me to get ready, when they don't do romantic things every once in a while, when they don't surprise me sometimes, when they don't like to cuddle, sometimes all night (i know its a long time), when they don't look hot even when they aren't ready. I know there's more, but I can't think of anything else right now. I don't know, I guess that I wish there was a guy that was just like me who couldn't sleep now and would call me so we could talk til I fell asleep, or one that would just come over and hang out with me. Yeah, well don't keep your hopes up, because I figure more than likely it's never going to happen. Well this has been way too depressing for now, so I guess I'll go try to go to sleep.