(no subject)
how come no one says its going to be okay anymore?
all i hear is call me and let me know, or just plain let me know....no one is here rubbing my back and telling me that it will be better tomorrow, that everything will be okay and that I'm fine the way I am. There hasn't been a point where I didn't want to take medication, but now is it. I feel like I'm not even on anything, like I'm allowed to ride the rollercoaster of emotions without any limits of getting off. My mom says not to get into a relationship, but that's what I really want right now, some stability, someone to tell me good things about me, someone to tell me it's okay, even when I do something stupid like get mad about little things or get mad because everything's not how I planed it. What do I do, I don't want to hurt someone else's feelings or even get myself stressed out. Look at me now, I'm crying because everything sucks, it's not how I want it to be...I hate this, I hate over reacting and I hate that I can't stop it, that I want something and I make it happen. I hate that I feel lonely, like I want someone to sleep next to me and I mean, it's been like 2 months since I've had sex, so that's like a world record for me....it's not hard because I really don't go out here and meet anyone, but I will be going to visit and hang out and if I feel like this, I know what is going to happen, sexually, not emotionally. I'm just so scared, I hate it, I could be ruining something that's good and that probably would just make me feel worse.....I don't know what to do, I guess I just wish he was here and telling me it's okay, making me feel secure with everything that's changing and changed in my life and just physically be here.
Of course that will never happen...I will have to be alone and tell myself that it's okay and everything will be fine, even though I don't believe it. Shitty.
all i hear is call me and let me know, or just plain let me know....no one is here rubbing my back and telling me that it will be better tomorrow, that everything will be okay and that I'm fine the way I am. There hasn't been a point where I didn't want to take medication, but now is it. I feel like I'm not even on anything, like I'm allowed to ride the rollercoaster of emotions without any limits of getting off. My mom says not to get into a relationship, but that's what I really want right now, some stability, someone to tell me good things about me, someone to tell me it's okay, even when I do something stupid like get mad about little things or get mad because everything's not how I planed it. What do I do, I don't want to hurt someone else's feelings or even get myself stressed out. Look at me now, I'm crying because everything sucks, it's not how I want it to be...I hate this, I hate over reacting and I hate that I can't stop it, that I want something and I make it happen. I hate that I feel lonely, like I want someone to sleep next to me and I mean, it's been like 2 months since I've had sex, so that's like a world record for me....it's not hard because I really don't go out here and meet anyone, but I will be going to visit and hang out and if I feel like this, I know what is going to happen, sexually, not emotionally. I'm just so scared, I hate it, I could be ruining something that's good and that probably would just make me feel worse.....I don't know what to do, I guess I just wish he was here and telling me it's okay, making me feel secure with everything that's changing and changed in my life and just physically be here.
Of course that will never happen...I will have to be alone and tell myself that it's okay and everything will be fine, even though I don't believe it. Shitty.