Stages of Grief Part 3
Title: Stages of Grief Part 3
Fandom: MC2
Spoilers: For Spider-Girl The End.
Summary: Darkdevil didn't know how to feel when he heard the news from Spider-Girl.
Bargaining
Darkdevil hadn't waited for Normie to brief him on all the details of Parker and Urichs' discoveries. Most of the investigation had been done thanks to his own efforts and all that was left was the clean up. He never stayed around for that in the best of times and there was certainly no reason to linger. As far as he was concerned the less time he spent around the Parkers and their friends the better. He never belonged there in the first place, all he did was get himself worked up by tormenting himself like this. Lack of focus made him take to leaping over the rooftops instead of teleporting. It shouldn't have been such a shock to see Kaine waiting for him but he'd completely forgotten the man when he mentally listed the people he should avoid. Maybe because Kaine was the one family member that he'd never truly lose no matter how bad things got. A mixed blessing he supposed, not that he couldn't (and hadn't) taken care of himself without the other man.
"When you didn't call me back I got curious. I remembered what you said about helping Urich and poked around until Osborn spilled. Not that it mattered, I got the whole story from Urich and Parker once they showed up." A fierceness that usually showed up around May lit Kaines' eyes. Darkdevil usually saw guilt reflected when it was just the two of them. He didn't know what to do with this futile protectiveness, it never went well for him when Kaine tried to help. And he was so unaccustomed to having anyone reach out that he wasn't sure what the proper response was anyway. Seeing Darkdevils' shoulder slouch Kaines' voice softened, "Are...Are you alright?"
He didn't know how to answer that one not just because he was clueless of what most people considered "alright." Physically he was fine, the hits Parker landed bruised but he'd been through worse. Actually he probably hurt Parker more now that he thought about it. Guilt crept up like it always did when he reconsidered his meetings with the Parkers. He hated Parker guilt. Emotionally he felt...he didn't know how to describe it. Aprils' death was still on his mind and he felt awful about the whole thing. Not knowing her, losing someone he could have saved...he supposed most of it was regret and loss when it came to her. With May, well it felt like she confirmed all his fears with just a few words. If she hadn't then Parker certainly drove that point home.
So he was basically a mess of emotions with no idea how to find an outlet for it all. Kaine and him weren't at a stage where they could talk through their own issues much less their family. Darkdevil needed a way out of all of this, something that could make it easier than bottling everything up all the time. In response to Kaines' question he shrugged.
"You could have told me what you and Urich were checking out." The reprimand wasn't harsh but Darkdevil thought he could tell what they other man was thinking.
"They wanted to keep this on the down low." It was an excuse and they both knew it. "Think it might have made them wonder why I'd tell you considering the link to the Parkers." Kaine frowned but didn't challenge it for once. Perhaps he saw how troubled Darkdevil was, maybe he knew neither of them was up for such a conversation.
As usual they parted with more left unsaid than either was comfortable with. Maybe he was looking at this the wrong way. He needed to get in control over his emotions thus he needed to mediate. The surefire treatment for most of his problems after the bonding occurred. The difficulty with doing this now lied in his own emotional state and the balance of the spirits time sharing in his body. They affected him--sorta--it was hard to explain. The balance allowed him to be in control of his body and access the powers from the vengeance demon. But at a price. Mediation kept his demon visage and powers at bay, when he wasn't Reilly Tyne the demon part of him made him feel more detached. Although he didn't think he'd lose much sleep over breaking a rapist leg without Zarathos' influence he felt more removed from caring about the guilty--to an extent. On the flip side emotions seemed so much more overwhelming when anger sparked the need for vengeance especially when someone he cared about suffered. He retained enough control over himself to keep such impulses at bay, for the most part.
His bond with Matt was vastly different. Where Zarathos was cold wrath Matt was warm reassurance. They could only "speak" with each other through great effort or in dreams but he's always been able to sense him on some level. The steady presence in his life, the one constant thing he could depend on. Reilly frowned, he didn't like to think how sad it was that the only person he could rely on was a ghost.
Stretching his senses out Reilly tried to center himself properly. Should be fairly simple task given all his practice. It wasn't. All he could think of was Parkers' hatred, Mays' distrust and the girl no one ever really accepted.
"Blood calls for blood boy! Release me and vengeance shall reign!"
If he could hear Zarathos without Matt then his mood really must have put him off center. Not like Venom had but enough to keep his friend and mentor from interfering. Reilly, as always pulled away from such an offer yet something made him hesitate from cutting the connection completely. Sensing this Zarathos form beckoned him closer.
"You know what I say is true. You will be mightier if you accepted me fully. Perhaps..." A honey toned quality entered that dreaded voice. "...Perhaps I could restore your kin for such a small favor."
The images of Reillys' mindscape changed from the cruel city streets to the Parker household. Peter stood protectively in front of his wife and son. May was at his side looking united against a force both webswingers had to bring down--April. The girl was maskless, dressed in the same costume she had worn when she killed the Hobgoblin. Tears slid down her face as Peter glared and her mirror image sadly shook her head.
"You don't belong here, April. You never did."
"Neither does he." Peter added pointing his glare directly at Reillys' form. May nodded.
"I know. Their too much alike."
"Why can't we have a normal family instead of all these freaks turning up?" With one last glower Peter led his family in the house leaving April and Reilly outside. The unmistakable clicks of the locks being secured into place seconds after the door slammed shut was the last nail in the coffin called hope.
April turned blue eyes towards him, silently pleading for him not to go away too. "No one ever tried to give me a chance. You know what that's like...don't you?" A desperation crept in, Reilly held up a hand to get her try to calm her down. She didn't wait for his answer. "You said I had a family! They were never there for me! Why weren't you? Please!" A sob broke out as April clung to him. The tiniest of whisper, almost like a sigh of defeat escaped her "Please save me", and more than anything he wished he could. That things could really be that simple.
His face hardened, "Never. I'll never let you."
As much as this scene hurt him it wasn't real. None of it was, just a cruel illusion to mess with his head and play on his insecurities. "April" smirked, "Hey can't blame a girl for trying. But admit it: you want to save the girl. Not just because it's the right thing to do. You want escape as much as I do just not the same way."
Straightening up she walked up the sidewalk gesturing to the house. "This place represents your ultimate desire, right? To be part of this family? To finally belong?" The figure of the girl laughed and flames encompassed the structure. "You know it's never going to happen. Part of you has always known it. Their never accept you anymore than they accepted her."
Reilly turned away from the sight refusing to let the demons' taunts hurt him anymore. The scenery changed to the laboratory Kaine brought him to when his illness took hold. The creature in Aprils' guise smiled, patting the tube fondly. "You may of had it easier than Kaine and her. You were only half the freak then with your fathers' blood poisoning you. Regardless of what occurred later, do you honestly believe they would have accepted you even then?"
Taking his silence for an answer "April" went on with a little flair. "No, they won't have. Men like Peter Parker like to talk big on what's right but even they have their limits. They can't tolerate creatures like Kaine or unexpected complications like you. For all his boasting of responsibility the man is all too willing to turn his back on his own flesh and blood. Simply because he doesn't see any of you as anything more than lab experiments gone wrong and disasters waiting to happen. Tell me I'm wrong."
Squaring his shoulders Reilly turned his back on his tormentor. "In your heart of hearts you know I'm right. Even the one living being that accepted you as you are turned his back on you. Kaine sees you for the mistake you are. He would have come around to accepting the girl given time. Would you selfishly rob her of that chance?"
The pause was longer than he would have liked. The laugh taunted Reilly as he forced himself out of the connection but he still caught the part shot before it was completely cut.
"A hero indeed!"
Fandom: MC2
Spoilers: For Spider-Girl The End.
Summary: Darkdevil didn't know how to feel when he heard the news from Spider-Girl.
Bargaining
Darkdevil hadn't waited for Normie to brief him on all the details of Parker and Urichs' discoveries. Most of the investigation had been done thanks to his own efforts and all that was left was the clean up. He never stayed around for that in the best of times and there was certainly no reason to linger. As far as he was concerned the less time he spent around the Parkers and their friends the better. He never belonged there in the first place, all he did was get himself worked up by tormenting himself like this. Lack of focus made him take to leaping over the rooftops instead of teleporting. It shouldn't have been such a shock to see Kaine waiting for him but he'd completely forgotten the man when he mentally listed the people he should avoid. Maybe because Kaine was the one family member that he'd never truly lose no matter how bad things got. A mixed blessing he supposed, not that he couldn't (and hadn't) taken care of himself without the other man.
"When you didn't call me back I got curious. I remembered what you said about helping Urich and poked around until Osborn spilled. Not that it mattered, I got the whole story from Urich and Parker once they showed up." A fierceness that usually showed up around May lit Kaines' eyes. Darkdevil usually saw guilt reflected when it was just the two of them. He didn't know what to do with this futile protectiveness, it never went well for him when Kaine tried to help. And he was so unaccustomed to having anyone reach out that he wasn't sure what the proper response was anyway. Seeing Darkdevils' shoulder slouch Kaines' voice softened, "Are...Are you alright?"
He didn't know how to answer that one not just because he was clueless of what most people considered "alright." Physically he was fine, the hits Parker landed bruised but he'd been through worse. Actually he probably hurt Parker more now that he thought about it. Guilt crept up like it always did when he reconsidered his meetings with the Parkers. He hated Parker guilt. Emotionally he felt...he didn't know how to describe it. Aprils' death was still on his mind and he felt awful about the whole thing. Not knowing her, losing someone he could have saved...he supposed most of it was regret and loss when it came to her. With May, well it felt like she confirmed all his fears with just a few words. If she hadn't then Parker certainly drove that point home.
So he was basically a mess of emotions with no idea how to find an outlet for it all. Kaine and him weren't at a stage where they could talk through their own issues much less their family. Darkdevil needed a way out of all of this, something that could make it easier than bottling everything up all the time. In response to Kaines' question he shrugged.
"You could have told me what you and Urich were checking out." The reprimand wasn't harsh but Darkdevil thought he could tell what they other man was thinking.
"They wanted to keep this on the down low." It was an excuse and they both knew it. "Think it might have made them wonder why I'd tell you considering the link to the Parkers." Kaine frowned but didn't challenge it for once. Perhaps he saw how troubled Darkdevil was, maybe he knew neither of them was up for such a conversation.
As usual they parted with more left unsaid than either was comfortable with. Maybe he was looking at this the wrong way. He needed to get in control over his emotions thus he needed to mediate. The surefire treatment for most of his problems after the bonding occurred. The difficulty with doing this now lied in his own emotional state and the balance of the spirits time sharing in his body. They affected him--sorta--it was hard to explain. The balance allowed him to be in control of his body and access the powers from the vengeance demon. But at a price. Mediation kept his demon visage and powers at bay, when he wasn't Reilly Tyne the demon part of him made him feel more detached. Although he didn't think he'd lose much sleep over breaking a rapist leg without Zarathos' influence he felt more removed from caring about the guilty--to an extent. On the flip side emotions seemed so much more overwhelming when anger sparked the need for vengeance especially when someone he cared about suffered. He retained enough control over himself to keep such impulses at bay, for the most part.
His bond with Matt was vastly different. Where Zarathos was cold wrath Matt was warm reassurance. They could only "speak" with each other through great effort or in dreams but he's always been able to sense him on some level. The steady presence in his life, the one constant thing he could depend on. Reilly frowned, he didn't like to think how sad it was that the only person he could rely on was a ghost.
Stretching his senses out Reilly tried to center himself properly. Should be fairly simple task given all his practice. It wasn't. All he could think of was Parkers' hatred, Mays' distrust and the girl no one ever really accepted.
"Blood calls for blood boy! Release me and vengeance shall reign!"
If he could hear Zarathos without Matt then his mood really must have put him off center. Not like Venom had but enough to keep his friend and mentor from interfering. Reilly, as always pulled away from such an offer yet something made him hesitate from cutting the connection completely. Sensing this Zarathos form beckoned him closer.
"You know what I say is true. You will be mightier if you accepted me fully. Perhaps..." A honey toned quality entered that dreaded voice. "...Perhaps I could restore your kin for such a small favor."
The images of Reillys' mindscape changed from the cruel city streets to the Parker household. Peter stood protectively in front of his wife and son. May was at his side looking united against a force both webswingers had to bring down--April. The girl was maskless, dressed in the same costume she had worn when she killed the Hobgoblin. Tears slid down her face as Peter glared and her mirror image sadly shook her head.
"You don't belong here, April. You never did."
"Neither does he." Peter added pointing his glare directly at Reillys' form. May nodded.
"I know. Their too much alike."
"Why can't we have a normal family instead of all these freaks turning up?" With one last glower Peter led his family in the house leaving April and Reilly outside. The unmistakable clicks of the locks being secured into place seconds after the door slammed shut was the last nail in the coffin called hope.
April turned blue eyes towards him, silently pleading for him not to go away too. "No one ever tried to give me a chance. You know what that's like...don't you?" A desperation crept in, Reilly held up a hand to get her try to calm her down. She didn't wait for his answer. "You said I had a family! They were never there for me! Why weren't you? Please!" A sob broke out as April clung to him. The tiniest of whisper, almost like a sigh of defeat escaped her "Please save me", and more than anything he wished he could. That things could really be that simple.
His face hardened, "Never. I'll never let you."
As much as this scene hurt him it wasn't real. None of it was, just a cruel illusion to mess with his head and play on his insecurities. "April" smirked, "Hey can't blame a girl for trying. But admit it: you want to save the girl. Not just because it's the right thing to do. You want escape as much as I do just not the same way."
Straightening up she walked up the sidewalk gesturing to the house. "This place represents your ultimate desire, right? To be part of this family? To finally belong?" The figure of the girl laughed and flames encompassed the structure. "You know it's never going to happen. Part of you has always known it. Their never accept you anymore than they accepted her."
Reilly turned away from the sight refusing to let the demons' taunts hurt him anymore. The scenery changed to the laboratory Kaine brought him to when his illness took hold. The creature in Aprils' guise smiled, patting the tube fondly. "You may of had it easier than Kaine and her. You were only half the freak then with your fathers' blood poisoning you. Regardless of what occurred later, do you honestly believe they would have accepted you even then?"
Taking his silence for an answer "April" went on with a little flair. "No, they won't have. Men like Peter Parker like to talk big on what's right but even they have their limits. They can't tolerate creatures like Kaine or unexpected complications like you. For all his boasting of responsibility the man is all too willing to turn his back on his own flesh and blood. Simply because he doesn't see any of you as anything more than lab experiments gone wrong and disasters waiting to happen. Tell me I'm wrong."
Squaring his shoulders Reilly turned his back on his tormentor. "In your heart of hearts you know I'm right. Even the one living being that accepted you as you are turned his back on you. Kaine sees you for the mistake you are. He would have come around to accepting the girl given time. Would you selfishly rob her of that chance?"
The pause was longer than he would have liked. The laugh taunted Reilly as he forced himself out of the connection but he still caught the part shot before it was completely cut.
"A hero indeed!"