Feb 13, 2007 10:18
Winter is over, and with it leaves the numbness of the body, soul, and mind that that threatens to overwhelm. Winter is a hard time. This is my first winter without school. Things change quickly during that time. Friends are constantly lost and others regained. People, who were once your best friend, are merely people to get hooked up with drugs from. But summer is here, and with it a smile crosses my face. Summer is great. I can’t think back upon a summer that wasn’t great. But then winter after that and the cycle continues. Who will I be next year? What will I be doing? Who will I be friends with? All the questions that I should ask myself after every year is over, but to tell the truth, I don’t ever remember thinking like this. They are questions that can only be answered by time, and time is my worst enemy.
This winter, however, was like a night in the city. It’s always dark, and the drugs mixed in with lights flashing and disorienting faces passing by causes one to feel as if he is in a dream. That’s how winter was. And now that the summer is coming, I feel as if I’m waking up. Was it a nightmare, or was it a good dream? I do not know. Some parts were bad, but an equal amount was good, and a good majority I can’t quite remember. Blurry.
Will I meet new people this summer? Lately I’ve just been feeling like the people I come in contact with are just being recycled. I don’t think I’ve actually met someone new for quite a while. Since high school, when there is a new kid in school. I always hoped that the new kid was a hot chick, never was, and I don’t think I ever became friends with the new kids anyway. There were several different types of new kids. There are the shy ones, who don’t know anyone and is just intent on being quiet until someone approaches them. Then there are the liars, the ones who lie about every god-damned thing that they have ever done, and all the chicks like him. These guys are easy to point out because every day it seems like they have a new story, and you never hear the same story twice. Then there are the ones from small towns like somewhere in Idaho or Colorado. These guys are nerds, look weird, and generally just don’t fit in. I’ll bet if they didn’t look so inbred, a girl could actually fall in love with one. They’ve got beautiful stories from their small little town. And they probably are some of the most romantic. But they just look so god-damned inbred!
High school was funny. My high school years were awesome. I barely remember anything about the classes, but mainly that’s because I hardly ever went. My memories consist of sluffing in someone’s yard and smoking pot, staying clear of the principle in a golf cart. I never got caught sluffing, and if I did, I always had the right excuse to get myself out of it. Other people aren’t so lucky. I had kind of a “bump of trouble” so to speak. I knew when something bad was going to happen, so I chose not to sluff, or chose to sluff with someone else. Looking back at it now, I really miss those moments. I wish I could go back and relive them. Not change really anything, but just to relive those moments again. There are a lot of people who I miss.
One person is a girl named Chelsey. We were friends for quite a while after high school, but then she cheated on her boyfriend with me and that’s what fucked things up. We went out for a little bit, then she left me, and I have maybe talked to her twice since then. But I miss being friends with her. Back when I’d have a secret crush on her and she’d have a secret crush on me, but nothing ever came of it. Man we had so much fun. Piling into cars just to smoke weed. She’d always be there. That was one of the attractions, that she smoked so much fucking pot. I think she has since quit, or if she started again I wouldn’t know. She’s a cool person when you aren’t going out with her, or haven’t gone out with her before. I miss the times when she and I would walk up to our friend Kourtney’s house to sluff and smoke pot.
Chelsey and I used to sit in the hallway at lunch and before school and just make fun of people as they walked by. Everyone had a crush on her, and everyone tried to get with her. But then she got a boyfriend named Josh. He was a cool guy at the time, when he smoked weed and wasn’t such a dick. He kind of got carried away with everything and it took him down and Chelsey along with him. But I digress. So she got this boyfriend, and all the guys who kept trying to hook up with her really just abandoned her all together. Once they realized they weren’t going to have sex with her, they didn’t want anything from her. I was the only one who stayed there. I wasn’t really trying to get laid. I just thought she was really awesome. And she was. But now whenever a situation arises and we are forced to be in the same room, we are…civil, for lack of a better word. Polite when addressed or spoken to, but generally we just ignore each other. Childish I know, but that’s what sex does to people, I guess.
Well now, most of my time is spent with Chelsey’s ex-boyfriend who she cheated on with me. All is forgotten and we just smoke a lot of pot. But I’m sure if a girl came around that he hooked up with, he’d watch me like a hawk. I don’t blame him. But I’m really sick of girls and the pursuit of them anyway. Chelsey really was the last straw, and I’m taking a break for a while. I never understood girls, and I don’t pretend to. They confuse the shit out of me. I love them. I mean, I absolutely LOVE girls. I always have. When I was in preschool, my mom has a story of how she came and picked me up and all these girls were waving and saying “Bye Joey!” and all that fun stuff, and I get in the car, sigh, look at my mom and say “I love girls in dresses!” A funny story, but true. I’ve always been a lady’s man. But even still, they confuse me and at this point I don’t want anything to do with them save be their friend.
But that was all last summer, and winter was different. We went from chilling at our friend Steve-O’s basement, to some guy’s apartment (the guy was an idiot), to a house we call “The Purple House”. The Purple House is now the current chill spot. It’s where some friends of ours moved to, and they threw a shit load of parties so now everyone thinks that anytime they can just go over there. I guess it’s bugging the shit out of the people who live there because one day they would like to have to themselves. It ain’t gonna happen. It’s the price they pay for attempting to be cool. You know, it’s cool to have a house where people can party at. But it’s not my idea of cool. When I get a house, I will never have parties. Why? Because my house is my sanctuary, it’s where I go to get away from the party. But that was the spot for the winter. Lots of drugs to be had there. Mushrooms, acid, ecstasy, pot, alcohol, sometimes mescaline, opium, and more pot was all to be had there. The girls who lived there were party girls. If they end up sleeping with someone one night, it doesn’t mean they feel anything towards that person. They just wanted sex. Luckily, I never had sex with any of them. When I have sex, I get two feelings. Either I want absolutely nothing to do with the person afterwards, or I want to be around that person 24/7. The Fight or Flight mechanism, I guess. There are quite a bit of girls out there who I just chose to ignore and forget after sex, blocking their numbers, deleting them off myspace, ignoring them on MSN messenger. But there are a few who I felt the other way about, and they got annoyed by me being around so much that they started ignoring me. So it’s kind of a curse that I just can’t get past. But whatever, sex isn’t all that important anyway. Funny how sex isn’t really ranked high on my list of needs, but drugs are. Drugs are more important than breeding. Kind of goes against human nature, doesn’t it? Not like I care, there are too many humans and they keep breeding like fucking insects. I don’t think breeding is all that important anymore. My brothers can pass our genes on to the next generation, I’m too freaked out by kids to want to have any.
And so now spring is almost here. I’m awake, and I’m remembering what I forgot during my winter hibernation. The cloud that was covering my head is almost completely gone, and no longer to I feel as if I’m about to have a mental collapse. Summer is here, and I’m going back to being a hippie again. My eyes are open, and I see blue skies. Well, at least until winter is here again.
frozen winter shit