Pessimistic Rambling... Ish
Have you ever felt like you just didn't belong... like, no matter who you were with, you were somehow out of place... the third wheel... the black sheep... all of those lovely cliches? Even with your best friends, who you would trust with any secret, any scrap of knowledge, anything...
Have you ever longed for a relationship, romantic or otherwise, in which you felt like the most important person in the universe to someone? I have. I do. Or at the very least, the kind of relationship where you feel important to someone... Somehow... A niche in which you belong I suppose... Or maybe the search for it is the point... If so, why do we look so hard? If there's no gold at the end of the rainbow...?
Of course, I do tend to be a bit melodramatic... Or at least, that's what I am told... Maybe I'm just dramatic enough, and everyone else is under-dramatic... I don't even think that's a word.
Maybe my whole life has been in search of a fantasy, that everyone else realized wasn't real when they were five... In search of a dream. A wish. A hope. That doesn't exist. Wouldn't that just be something...
Of course, the most logical explanation for all this is that I have an extremely low self esteem, and simply don't see things clearly. If rose colored glasses are what optimists have, mine must be brown. Or black, but not cool black like sunglasses. The kind of black that makes everything and everyone look sinister and uncaring. That has to be it.
Now, how do I take these ridiculous glasses off? Or does everyone have them on, and maybe I just decided to be more vocal about it? Emo? Bipolar? Honest? Either way... I want some rose colored glasses. And I want my gold at the end of the rainbow.