NOBODY goes without sunscreen!!!
Appearently, Global Warming has gotten so bad that some scientists have suggested we send a trillion flying saucers into space to provide shade for the Earth.
I am not making this up.
Another desperate idea is to build an artificial volcano that would spew light-reflecting sulfates high into the sky. ( Appearently, some scientists think it is better to die from lung disease then sunburn. Personally, I would like more information.) A third far out plan I heard, is to manfacture huge artificial trees that would work to suck all the dioxide out of the air.
Where in God's not-so-green-kinda-polluted-ass earth do they come up with these ideas, right??? Sure, some folks who live inland might embrace the whole global warming thing, due to the fact they might suddenly find themselves owners of beachfront property, but it would be bad news for all the people who live near the sea, including all the residents of New York City.
Which this all got me thinking, "what kind of ideas could I come up with?" although I assure you my dear readers, none of them are as imaginative as the trillion flying saucers. So here it goes:
* federally require that all homes and businesses be equipped with high-pressure hoses that deliver SPF 1,800 sunblock No one would be allowed outside unless they were sufficiently creamed. The Department Of Homeland Security (which doesn't seem to be doing anything else at the moment,) would enforce the new rules. Violators would be punished with skin-damaging sunburns.
*Make everyone wear a 4 foot-by-4-foot mirror on the top of their heads the mirror could be attached via chin straps and, if necessary a back brace. These mirrors might be awkward for some of our smaller children and senior citizens. especially in the event of a hurricane, but the reflected sunlight would keep the earth cool and help save the poor polar bears, who must be wondering what they did to deserve this.
*Drag Capt. Kirk out of retirement
I seem to recall a "Star Trek" episode where the starship enterprise destoryed a marauding star or comet or invading space craft via photon torpedoes. After all these years, the plots kinda run together, to tell you the truth. My point is, thast Capt. Kirk is/was a can-do kind of guy and if anyone can lower the sun's wattage it's him. Plus, I feel fairly certain that he will not wear a diaper on the mission assuming we hire him fairly quickly.
*Summon Superman
I realize that there is very little difference between Superman and Capt. Kirk in some people's minds. But, Superman has the power to fly around the world really fast, reverse it's rotation and send it back to a time when it never got over 70 degrees. I'm sure there are a host of other super heroes who could help us slove this problem, but I stopped reading comic books in elementary school, so someone else is going to have to come up with suggestions.
Hey, we're all in this together. You can't expect me to do all the work.
I am not making this up.
Another desperate idea is to build an artificial volcano that would spew light-reflecting sulfates high into the sky. ( Appearently, some scientists think it is better to die from lung disease then sunburn. Personally, I would like more information.) A third far out plan I heard, is to manfacture huge artificial trees that would work to suck all the dioxide out of the air.
Where in God's not-so-green-kinda-polluted-ass earth do they come up with these ideas, right??? Sure, some folks who live inland might embrace the whole global warming thing, due to the fact they might suddenly find themselves owners of beachfront property, but it would be bad news for all the people who live near the sea, including all the residents of New York City.
Which this all got me thinking, "what kind of ideas could I come up with?" although I assure you my dear readers, none of them are as imaginative as the trillion flying saucers. So here it goes:
* federally require that all homes and businesses be equipped with high-pressure hoses that deliver SPF 1,800 sunblock No one would be allowed outside unless they were sufficiently creamed. The Department Of Homeland Security (which doesn't seem to be doing anything else at the moment,) would enforce the new rules. Violators would be punished with skin-damaging sunburns.
*Make everyone wear a 4 foot-by-4-foot mirror on the top of their heads the mirror could be attached via chin straps and, if necessary a back brace. These mirrors might be awkward for some of our smaller children and senior citizens. especially in the event of a hurricane, but the reflected sunlight would keep the earth cool and help save the poor polar bears, who must be wondering what they did to deserve this.
*Drag Capt. Kirk out of retirement
I seem to recall a "Star Trek" episode where the starship enterprise destoryed a marauding star or comet or invading space craft via photon torpedoes. After all these years, the plots kinda run together, to tell you the truth. My point is, thast Capt. Kirk is/was a can-do kind of guy and if anyone can lower the sun's wattage it's him. Plus, I feel fairly certain that he will not wear a diaper on the mission assuming we hire him fairly quickly.
*Summon Superman
I realize that there is very little difference between Superman and Capt. Kirk in some people's minds. But, Superman has the power to fly around the world really fast, reverse it's rotation and send it back to a time when it never got over 70 degrees. I'm sure there are a host of other super heroes who could help us slove this problem, but I stopped reading comic books in elementary school, so someone else is going to have to come up with suggestions.
Hey, we're all in this together. You can't expect me to do all the work.