(no subject)
So I'm already dead
on the inside but I can still pretend
When it rains, it pours. Mom lets the dog into my room, next thing I know I hear the van start and leave. Just for reference, this was at 7:15 in the morning. I know she had nothing to do this morning. Give her a call, she's all upset about my brother. I don't really want to talk about the reasons, because they're absolutely insane. She just drove off. Didn't say where's she's going, or when she's coming back. And she was upset.
Now. I had plans this morning, but it's looking like I might not get to do anything because of something that happened between my mom and brother. What the hell am I supposed to do? Ever since my dad left, I've been the one to stay rational and grow up to keep everything else together. Pretend you're 16. Your dad just up and leaves your family. But you bear the burden of responsibility. And it never ends. Three years later, I'm still in the same position. I'm just a kid, but it's never really felt like it. I'm wanting to enjoy college years, act up. Because right now I'm in that phase where whatever I do, it doesn't matter. I'm not saying to don't enjoy it, because I have and I will. But it's always there. The effects of what happened between my family and me having to stand there and pick up the pieces.
You see that skin, it's the same she's been standing in. Since the day, she saw him walking away. Now she's left, picking up the mess he made.
God, I just hope she doesn't do anything stupid or get hurt. I don't want to complain. I just don't feel like sitting here worrying about it. And writing it out seems to make it easier. If it's here, it's not in my head. I can deal with it. I always have, and I've accepted that I will for a very long time.
on the inside but I can still pretend
When it rains, it pours. Mom lets the dog into my room, next thing I know I hear the van start and leave. Just for reference, this was at 7:15 in the morning. I know she had nothing to do this morning. Give her a call, she's all upset about my brother. I don't really want to talk about the reasons, because they're absolutely insane. She just drove off. Didn't say where's she's going, or when she's coming back. And she was upset.
Now. I had plans this morning, but it's looking like I might not get to do anything because of something that happened between my mom and brother. What the hell am I supposed to do? Ever since my dad left, I've been the one to stay rational and grow up to keep everything else together. Pretend you're 16. Your dad just up and leaves your family. But you bear the burden of responsibility. And it never ends. Three years later, I'm still in the same position. I'm just a kid, but it's never really felt like it. I'm wanting to enjoy college years, act up. Because right now I'm in that phase where whatever I do, it doesn't matter. I'm not saying to don't enjoy it, because I have and I will. But it's always there. The effects of what happened between my family and me having to stand there and pick up the pieces.
You see that skin, it's the same she's been standing in. Since the day, she saw him walking away. Now she's left, picking up the mess he made.
God, I just hope she doesn't do anything stupid or get hurt. I don't want to complain. I just don't feel like sitting here worrying about it. And writing it out seems to make it easier. If it's here, it's not in my head. I can deal with it. I always have, and I've accepted that I will for a very long time.