life sucks right now
life sucks. i have been trying to avoid the thought of actually being an adult and working monday through friday and having to go to bed early and all that stuff that goes along with it. probably because i feel that i can't make any smart decisions for myself as is, the thought of moving on is not so fun, even though i am so ready for it. i took time off from "stress" as i would call it by not moving ahead with a career so fast after i graduated. i have enjoyed the past year tremendously, but now i feel like that was a stupid decision because it might be hurting my chances of trying to get a job lately. why can't i feel like something, some decision that i make for myself, why can't I for once feel it was a right decision. i just feel so irresponsible all the time because i want to try and enjoy my life while i can while i am young. there is no sense in rushing life because we don't know how much of it we have left. tomorrow could be our last and i dont want to die knowing i hated my life. but now i feel that because i made that decision of enjoying things for a while that i have hurt my chances at getting a good job right now and it sucks. my mom is worried about all of us getting good jobs and whatnot, but she won't leave me alone about it, and i know she means well, but it just upsets me. i hate feeling restricted to a way of life. or restricted to doing what everyone does and boom boom boom, school, school, career, retire, die. rushing everything and not taking any time to enjoy it. i truely am a night person, and honestly am dreading a 8-5 m-f job. it's not me. it's not who i am. i just feel I am drowning in my own decisions. i know i am not the only one who has to go through this, or deal with this, so i am not expecting sympathy. i just know what i am good at, what i like to do, but im scrambling to find something to fit that. i know i won't regret the past year once i find a job, its just right now not being able to find one, is really making me hate it.
what we want is never what we really get.
what we want is never what we really get.