fic: Break Downs and Build Ups 15
Selena Gomez/ Kristen Stewart
I own none of it and under no circumstances is any of this real. Honestly it's not even likely the two would ever talk for more than a few minutes.
A fight breaks out between Demi and Selena in a bathroom at some Hollywood party. Kristen Stewart just needs to use the restroom, not listen in on teenage lesbian drama.
Well it's only about two weeks after I said I would update, but here it is. Thank you again for everyone who is putting up with my questionable updating. I am really sorry about that. Life appears to be calming down a bit, but I feel like every time it does something else pops up. Anyway enough of my whining, hope you guys like this chapter.
Kristen cringed as the voice ringing from her stereo started up with the chorus yet again and shot a mildly vicious glare at the girl beside her.
Rather than take offense, Selena broke out into a fit of giggles, “I take it I’ve lost my chance at radio privileges?”
“I’m more worried about what you think is music than anything right now,” the older girl grumbled while digging through her mess of CD’s tucked into the black car visor CD holder someone bought her years ago, grateful for the silence. “I just… it… the words, why Mick Jagger? Why?”
“I’m not saying it’s like a masterpiece or something,” Selena conceded. “But it’s fun and catchy.”
Kristen thought about it for a moment before shaking her head, hoping to rattle out the obnoxious words still ringing in her ear, “I think we will have to disagree.”
“Fine fine, play what you want,” Selena let out an exaggerated sigh before raising one finger in a threatening manner. “But if I ever get to drive you around, I will be playing Ke$ha as loudly as my speakers allow.”
“Then I will personally make it my mission to bribe every employee of the California DMV so that you fail.”
Selena laughed and Kristen smiled all while secretly plotting out how many DMV workers she would need to buy off. Then again the younger girl had already failed enough to develop something of a complex about it, maybe no bribe would be needed.
“Turn left up here.”
Kristen turned the wheel, hoping to find some familiar landmark. Again she came up with nothing. They were headed north. She’d figured out that much. Fifteen minutes ago they had left the PCH in favor of small side streets, which seemed to be leading them toward the coast. She thought maybe they might have been headed to Manhattan beach, but there were much quicker ways and of course Selena was still being all secretive about their end destination. She’d probably be annoyed if not for the fun conversations which unfortunately had led to letting the younger girl play her current favorite song. It was a concession to her stringent rule over her car stereo, but before the damn chorus started up Kristen was able to ignore the nonsensical lyrics while Selena had bounced happily in her seat, singing along.
“Are we there yet?”
Selena checked her phone yet again, trying to memorize the directions Taylor had forwarded her. She had no idea if they were almost there. It said three miles, but in LA that could mean five or twenty minutes depending on traffic. She wished that instead of just assuming the date wasn’t a date and that they’d end up at the Big Boy in Toluca Lake, she’d bothered to check a little more into the romantic restaurant Taylor had picked. After the whole taking Google’s side on the second date planning debacle she had conceded this part of the outing to Taylor. Again she hadn’t really thought they’d need a romantic restaurant, but backup plans are always good, especially when it turned out they aren’t really back up plans at all.
“I think so.”
“I’m growing increasingly alarmed with every hesitant answer,” Kristen grinned while putting her Ramones CD into the car stereo.
As Joey began to demand sedation, Selena pointed right to a rather small looking street while ignoring Kristen’s comment, “left up there.”
“If you say so.”
As they turned down the narrow street that was probably more of an alley way then anything, the buildings parted straight to the sea. Above the deep blue ocean, the orange sun hung heavy, tired from its lengthy day. A symphony of colors, reds and yellows and everything that fell between, bathed the pale stucco structures surrounding them and for the first time in what felt like years Kristen found Los Angeles to be beautiful. It was easy, so very easy to forget that beneath the lies and deceit and everything wrong, the city still was capable of this. Kristen squinted her eyes, letting the shapes and angles blur till all that remained was a soft amber hue, the Ramones, and the deep calm voice of the girl beside her.
“We are here.”
Kristen jerked out of her pleasant haze and glanced around at what looked to be the back end of someone’s house, “Here being?”
“I have no idea.”
“What?”
Selena shrugged and stepped out of the car, “There is supposed to be a restaurant.”
Following the other girl’s movements, Kristen scanned the alley, “I don’t see one.”
“Neither do I,” Selena groaned. “I am going to kill Taylor.”
“Swift?”
“She said she knew this place. I’m so sorry. Maybe I read the directions wrong.”
“We’re at South Benson Street. What do the directions say?”
Selena studied her phone for a second, hoping that maybe she had read something wrong. No matter how many times she checked though, the address remained the same.
“509 South Benson.”
“Which is here,” Kristen added needlessly.
The younger girl let out a breath of air and fought the urge to cry over her now no longer perfectly planned date, “Dang it.”
“Did you piss her off recently?”
“I don’t think so," Selena answered hesitantly. "Taylor’s vindictive, yes, but I don’t think… She wouldn’t be that mad about…”
Curious Kristen watched the other girl as she nervously paced around the empty alley way, “What?”
“When I was planning our… our date, I uh, I didn’t take her advice. I maybe sort of… I kind of googled where to go.”
Selena’s words barely made it out through her own mortification. She didn’t exactly want Kristen to ever find out how much effort she had put into the date.
Kristen paused for a second before chuckling softly, “Wow.”
Face as red as it could get, Selena nervously played with the scarf around her neck, “Don’t laugh. I wanted it to be perfect.”
“Hey no, it was,” Kristen stepped in front of Selena, halting the other girl’s movement.
She hadn’t meant to upset her. It was cute actually, that Selena cared enough to try and impress her. The chuckle was more for the fact that she felt that she needed to. Hesitantly Kristen raised her shaking hands to grab Selena’s, an act she had been unable to do while in the car like she had hoped she’d be able to do. She was certain Selena would pull away, what with her hands being so clammy and trembling nervously, but the younger girl only curled her fingers around Kristen’s.
“It was perfect. Going to the aquarium, even our drive out to nowhere, it was perfect. But, this is going to sound cheesy so sorry about that, I just can’t think of a better way to say, but spending time with you and being able to talk about whatever, that has been perfect too. You don’t need to… you don’t need to go all overboard with planning a date, especially not for me.”
Selena tilted her head and smiled softly, “Don’t say things like that.”
Confused Kristen tried to figure out what Selena meant, “Like what?”
“The especially not for me thing. You deserve to have big elaborately planned dates.”
Kristen opened her mouth but no words came out. She wanted to refute Selena’s statements, make her understand that she wasn’t worth the effort, it's just the girl looked so certain of her words.
“Seriously. Don’t say things like that,” Selena added, trying to make Kristen understand.
“Okay,” Kristen whispered, not believing it, but not wanting to upset Selena.
“Okay,” Selena squeezed Kristen’s hands before reluctantly letting them go. “So I’m going to call Taylor. She should be done her interview by now.”
“Alright,” Kristen mumbled, shoving her hands in her back pocket and stepping away.
Pulling up her recently called list, Selena pressed against her phone’s screen, calling the country star. After a few rings a chipper voice greeted her.
Using her best I’m angry at you voice, Selena cut the other girl’s hello off, “Swift.”
“So-o,” Taylor drawled out, worried about what could be wrong. “How’s the date going?”
“Good, until I followed your directions and ended up in some alley.”
“Did you get lost?”
“I don’t think so,” Selena whined, still worried that she had read something wrong. “I followed your directions.”
“To 509?”
“Yea,” Selena’s eyes drifted over to the gold letter hanging on what looked to be someone’s back door. “I don’t see a restaurant.”
Taylor rolled her eyes at the image her mind conjured up of a pouting Selena standing in the alley, “Why don’t you try knocking on the door?”
“I think we are at someone’s house.”
“You are, but it’s a restaurant as well, Bensons. It’s super private.”
Taylor bit the inside of her cheek to stop from laughing at the silence.
Face red yet again, Selena managed to mumble an apology, “I’m sorry.”
“No worries,” the blonde laughed. “You better call me tonight though. I want all the details.”
Shooting a quick glance at Kristen, Selena smiled widely, “Bye Taylor.”
“Are we here?” the older girl asked while looking around yet again.
“Yes,” Selena walked over to the white door with the golden letter and knocked, hoping that there wasn’t some secretive knock since the place was apparently so private.
The door swung open and a well dressed man with a groomed beard appeared, “I was getting worried.”
Both girls smiled and apologized, following the man as he beckoned them inside.
“I’m Dave and welcome to Bensons.”
Dave led them up the stairwell and through a door to the roof. The amber sun Kristen thought so beautiful from the alley was breathtaking from the roof, empty except a single table setting and a few plants. The girls took their seats at the urging of Dave and looked around in awe.
Only Taylor Swift, Selena thought to herself.
Kristen pulled her eyes from the view and smiled shyly at Selena. The other girl looked as amazed as she did. Dave reappeared with two glasses of water and the menu, telling the girls to take their time.
“This is… Wow.”
“I know right?” Selena laughed, opening up her menu.
Kristen grinned as she flipped through her own, grateful to find a vegan page, “Shit, Swift can pick every restaurant from now on.”
Selena looked down at her menu, trying not to smile too brightly at Kristen’s planning of future dates.
Conversation flowed easily between the two as they shared more information about themselves. Kristen told a few silly anecdotes about growing up with family already in the business, while Selena admitted to being on Barney. This had led to some light teasing by the older girl, but at this point in her life Selena had accepted that it was impossible to tell someone that she’d been on Barney without at least some ridicule.
“Whatever. It paid the bills.”
Kristen nodded and tried not to dwell on the fact that a seven year old was paying the bills, “True.”
“So you know mine, but what has been your most embarrassing job?”
“I’m going to go with Twilight I think. It’s been really embarrassing thus far,” the older girl scowled at just the thought of it all. “Plus I’ve got a few more I have to do, so it’s like never ending embarrassment.”
“Then why did you pick it? I mean you read the script right?”
Kristen nodded and pushed her food around with her fork. She had read it and agreed to it.
“I don’t know. When I read the script… it wasn’t like the best thing ever. The director though, Catherine, I wanted to work with her. Michael raved about her and I guess… it just sounded like something different, you know? Like maybe it wasn’t about screaming fans or chiseled abs.”
“I get that. It sucks, when you think something will go one way and then it’s something else. Would you take it back though? I mean would you not have agreed to be in the movie?”
It was a question she had asked herself quite a bit. If given the chance she wasn’t certain. Some days, the days she was too terrified to even venture out for a cup of coffee or the days she didn’t even want to get out of bed because Michael wasn’t in the kitchen making her coffee, those days she definitely would say she’d wished she’d never even heard of the damn movie. Other days though, when she found herself remembering Nikki’s charming grin or wandering around Vancouver laughing and carrying on like they were the only two in the world, she never wanted to take back those days. Of course she never would have met Rob then either and then at least she would still have Michael. Maybe he could have introduced her to Nikki and without the movie forcing them into close quarters they still would have become friends. Maybe then she would still have them both.
“It depends I guess,” Kristen shrugged. “Some things I never would have taken back, but others…”
“I’d never take back Barney,” Selena threw out, sensing the other girl was done discussing the issue.
“No matter how much you get teased about it?”
“No matter how much. Whatever the end result of everything, I am glad I met the people that I did.”
The thought terrified her, that if she hadn’t dragged her mom to the casting she could have never met Demi. Despite it all, the possibility of never meeting Demi Lovato, of never being able to know what it felt like to hold her in her arms or kiss her lips or even eat pickles on her porch, that was more terrible than anything she could imagine.
The sun had set a while ago and the candles and small white Christmas lights decorating the roof provided just enough light for Kristen to see the way the other girl’s eyes dimmed a little. It made her chest constrict and all she wanted to do was see her smile. Which is why she can't stop the words that awkwardly tumble from her mouth.
“You are really pretty. I just… I thought you should know that I think you’re pretty.”
Selena’s eyes shot up and a blush colored her checks, while Kristen held back the urge to hit herself on the forehead. That wasn’t random or anything, nope not at all.
“You’re really pretty too,” Selena smiled, biting her lower lip.
Kristen mirrored the other girl’s expression, happy despite being embarrassed about her randomness that the sad look was no longer on Selena’s face.
I own none of it and under no circumstances is any of this real. Honestly it's not even likely the two would ever talk for more than a few minutes.
A fight breaks out between Demi and Selena in a bathroom at some Hollywood party. Kristen Stewart just needs to use the restroom, not listen in on teenage lesbian drama.
Well it's only about two weeks after I said I would update, but here it is. Thank you again for everyone who is putting up with my questionable updating. I am really sorry about that. Life appears to be calming down a bit, but I feel like every time it does something else pops up. Anyway enough of my whining, hope you guys like this chapter.
Kristen cringed as the voice ringing from her stereo started up with the chorus yet again and shot a mildly vicious glare at the girl beside her.
Rather than take offense, Selena broke out into a fit of giggles, “I take it I’ve lost my chance at radio privileges?”
“I’m more worried about what you think is music than anything right now,” the older girl grumbled while digging through her mess of CD’s tucked into the black car visor CD holder someone bought her years ago, grateful for the silence. “I just… it… the words, why Mick Jagger? Why?”
“I’m not saying it’s like a masterpiece or something,” Selena conceded. “But it’s fun and catchy.”
Kristen thought about it for a moment before shaking her head, hoping to rattle out the obnoxious words still ringing in her ear, “I think we will have to disagree.”
“Fine fine, play what you want,” Selena let out an exaggerated sigh before raising one finger in a threatening manner. “But if I ever get to drive you around, I will be playing Ke$ha as loudly as my speakers allow.”
“Then I will personally make it my mission to bribe every employee of the California DMV so that you fail.”
Selena laughed and Kristen smiled all while secretly plotting out how many DMV workers she would need to buy off. Then again the younger girl had already failed enough to develop something of a complex about it, maybe no bribe would be needed.
“Turn left up here.”
Kristen turned the wheel, hoping to find some familiar landmark. Again she came up with nothing. They were headed north. She’d figured out that much. Fifteen minutes ago they had left the PCH in favor of small side streets, which seemed to be leading them toward the coast. She thought maybe they might have been headed to Manhattan beach, but there were much quicker ways and of course Selena was still being all secretive about their end destination. She’d probably be annoyed if not for the fun conversations which unfortunately had led to letting the younger girl play her current favorite song. It was a concession to her stringent rule over her car stereo, but before the damn chorus started up Kristen was able to ignore the nonsensical lyrics while Selena had bounced happily in her seat, singing along.
“Are we there yet?”
Selena checked her phone yet again, trying to memorize the directions Taylor had forwarded her. She had no idea if they were almost there. It said three miles, but in LA that could mean five or twenty minutes depending on traffic. She wished that instead of just assuming the date wasn’t a date and that they’d end up at the Big Boy in Toluca Lake, she’d bothered to check a little more into the romantic restaurant Taylor had picked. After the whole taking Google’s side on the second date planning debacle she had conceded this part of the outing to Taylor. Again she hadn’t really thought they’d need a romantic restaurant, but backup plans are always good, especially when it turned out they aren’t really back up plans at all.
“I think so.”
“I’m growing increasingly alarmed with every hesitant answer,” Kristen grinned while putting her Ramones CD into the car stereo.
As Joey began to demand sedation, Selena pointed right to a rather small looking street while ignoring Kristen’s comment, “left up there.”
“If you say so.”
As they turned down the narrow street that was probably more of an alley way then anything, the buildings parted straight to the sea. Above the deep blue ocean, the orange sun hung heavy, tired from its lengthy day. A symphony of colors, reds and yellows and everything that fell between, bathed the pale stucco structures surrounding them and for the first time in what felt like years Kristen found Los Angeles to be beautiful. It was easy, so very easy to forget that beneath the lies and deceit and everything wrong, the city still was capable of this. Kristen squinted her eyes, letting the shapes and angles blur till all that remained was a soft amber hue, the Ramones, and the deep calm voice of the girl beside her.
“We are here.”
Kristen jerked out of her pleasant haze and glanced around at what looked to be the back end of someone’s house, “Here being?”
“I have no idea.”
“What?”
Selena shrugged and stepped out of the car, “There is supposed to be a restaurant.”
Following the other girl’s movements, Kristen scanned the alley, “I don’t see one.”
“Neither do I,” Selena groaned. “I am going to kill Taylor.”
“Swift?”
“She said she knew this place. I’m so sorry. Maybe I read the directions wrong.”
“We’re at South Benson Street. What do the directions say?”
Selena studied her phone for a second, hoping that maybe she had read something wrong. No matter how many times she checked though, the address remained the same.
“509 South Benson.”
“Which is here,” Kristen added needlessly.
The younger girl let out a breath of air and fought the urge to cry over her now no longer perfectly planned date, “Dang it.”
“Did you piss her off recently?”
“I don’t think so," Selena answered hesitantly. "Taylor’s vindictive, yes, but I don’t think… She wouldn’t be that mad about…”
Curious Kristen watched the other girl as she nervously paced around the empty alley way, “What?”
“When I was planning our… our date, I uh, I didn’t take her advice. I maybe sort of… I kind of googled where to go.”
Selena’s words barely made it out through her own mortification. She didn’t exactly want Kristen to ever find out how much effort she had put into the date.
Kristen paused for a second before chuckling softly, “Wow.”
Face as red as it could get, Selena nervously played with the scarf around her neck, “Don’t laugh. I wanted it to be perfect.”
“Hey no, it was,” Kristen stepped in front of Selena, halting the other girl’s movement.
She hadn’t meant to upset her. It was cute actually, that Selena cared enough to try and impress her. The chuckle was more for the fact that she felt that she needed to. Hesitantly Kristen raised her shaking hands to grab Selena’s, an act she had been unable to do while in the car like she had hoped she’d be able to do. She was certain Selena would pull away, what with her hands being so clammy and trembling nervously, but the younger girl only curled her fingers around Kristen’s.
“It was perfect. Going to the aquarium, even our drive out to nowhere, it was perfect. But, this is going to sound cheesy so sorry about that, I just can’t think of a better way to say, but spending time with you and being able to talk about whatever, that has been perfect too. You don’t need to… you don’t need to go all overboard with planning a date, especially not for me.”
Selena tilted her head and smiled softly, “Don’t say things like that.”
Confused Kristen tried to figure out what Selena meant, “Like what?”
“The especially not for me thing. You deserve to have big elaborately planned dates.”
Kristen opened her mouth but no words came out. She wanted to refute Selena’s statements, make her understand that she wasn’t worth the effort, it's just the girl looked so certain of her words.
“Seriously. Don’t say things like that,” Selena added, trying to make Kristen understand.
“Okay,” Kristen whispered, not believing it, but not wanting to upset Selena.
“Okay,” Selena squeezed Kristen’s hands before reluctantly letting them go. “So I’m going to call Taylor. She should be done her interview by now.”
“Alright,” Kristen mumbled, shoving her hands in her back pocket and stepping away.
Pulling up her recently called list, Selena pressed against her phone’s screen, calling the country star. After a few rings a chipper voice greeted her.
Using her best I’m angry at you voice, Selena cut the other girl’s hello off, “Swift.”
“So-o,” Taylor drawled out, worried about what could be wrong. “How’s the date going?”
“Good, until I followed your directions and ended up in some alley.”
“Did you get lost?”
“I don’t think so,” Selena whined, still worried that she had read something wrong. “I followed your directions.”
“To 509?”
“Yea,” Selena’s eyes drifted over to the gold letter hanging on what looked to be someone’s back door. “I don’t see a restaurant.”
Taylor rolled her eyes at the image her mind conjured up of a pouting Selena standing in the alley, “Why don’t you try knocking on the door?”
“I think we are at someone’s house.”
“You are, but it’s a restaurant as well, Bensons. It’s super private.”
Taylor bit the inside of her cheek to stop from laughing at the silence.
Face red yet again, Selena managed to mumble an apology, “I’m sorry.”
“No worries,” the blonde laughed. “You better call me tonight though. I want all the details.”
Shooting a quick glance at Kristen, Selena smiled widely, “Bye Taylor.”
“Are we here?” the older girl asked while looking around yet again.
“Yes,” Selena walked over to the white door with the golden letter and knocked, hoping that there wasn’t some secretive knock since the place was apparently so private.
The door swung open and a well dressed man with a groomed beard appeared, “I was getting worried.”
Both girls smiled and apologized, following the man as he beckoned them inside.
“I’m Dave and welcome to Bensons.”
Dave led them up the stairwell and through a door to the roof. The amber sun Kristen thought so beautiful from the alley was breathtaking from the roof, empty except a single table setting and a few plants. The girls took their seats at the urging of Dave and looked around in awe.
Only Taylor Swift, Selena thought to herself.
Kristen pulled her eyes from the view and smiled shyly at Selena. The other girl looked as amazed as she did. Dave reappeared with two glasses of water and the menu, telling the girls to take their time.
“This is… Wow.”
“I know right?” Selena laughed, opening up her menu.
Kristen grinned as she flipped through her own, grateful to find a vegan page, “Shit, Swift can pick every restaurant from now on.”
Selena looked down at her menu, trying not to smile too brightly at Kristen’s planning of future dates.
Conversation flowed easily between the two as they shared more information about themselves. Kristen told a few silly anecdotes about growing up with family already in the business, while Selena admitted to being on Barney. This had led to some light teasing by the older girl, but at this point in her life Selena had accepted that it was impossible to tell someone that she’d been on Barney without at least some ridicule.
“Whatever. It paid the bills.”
Kristen nodded and tried not to dwell on the fact that a seven year old was paying the bills, “True.”
“So you know mine, but what has been your most embarrassing job?”
“I’m going to go with Twilight I think. It’s been really embarrassing thus far,” the older girl scowled at just the thought of it all. “Plus I’ve got a few more I have to do, so it’s like never ending embarrassment.”
“Then why did you pick it? I mean you read the script right?”
Kristen nodded and pushed her food around with her fork. She had read it and agreed to it.
“I don’t know. When I read the script… it wasn’t like the best thing ever. The director though, Catherine, I wanted to work with her. Michael raved about her and I guess… it just sounded like something different, you know? Like maybe it wasn’t about screaming fans or chiseled abs.”
“I get that. It sucks, when you think something will go one way and then it’s something else. Would you take it back though? I mean would you not have agreed to be in the movie?”
It was a question she had asked herself quite a bit. If given the chance she wasn’t certain. Some days, the days she was too terrified to even venture out for a cup of coffee or the days she didn’t even want to get out of bed because Michael wasn’t in the kitchen making her coffee, those days she definitely would say she’d wished she’d never even heard of the damn movie. Other days though, when she found herself remembering Nikki’s charming grin or wandering around Vancouver laughing and carrying on like they were the only two in the world, she never wanted to take back those days. Of course she never would have met Rob then either and then at least she would still have Michael. Maybe he could have introduced her to Nikki and without the movie forcing them into close quarters they still would have become friends. Maybe then she would still have them both.
“It depends I guess,” Kristen shrugged. “Some things I never would have taken back, but others…”
“I’d never take back Barney,” Selena threw out, sensing the other girl was done discussing the issue.
“No matter how much you get teased about it?”
“No matter how much. Whatever the end result of everything, I am glad I met the people that I did.”
The thought terrified her, that if she hadn’t dragged her mom to the casting she could have never met Demi. Despite it all, the possibility of never meeting Demi Lovato, of never being able to know what it felt like to hold her in her arms or kiss her lips or even eat pickles on her porch, that was more terrible than anything she could imagine.
The sun had set a while ago and the candles and small white Christmas lights decorating the roof provided just enough light for Kristen to see the way the other girl’s eyes dimmed a little. It made her chest constrict and all she wanted to do was see her smile. Which is why she can't stop the words that awkwardly tumble from her mouth.
“You are really pretty. I just… I thought you should know that I think you’re pretty.”
Selena’s eyes shot up and a blush colored her checks, while Kristen held back the urge to hit herself on the forehead. That wasn’t random or anything, nope not at all.
“You’re really pretty too,” Selena smiled, biting her lower lip.
Kristen mirrored the other girl’s expression, happy despite being embarrassed about her randomness that the sad look was no longer on Selena’s face.