fic: Break Downs and Build Ups 11
Selena Gomez/ Kristen Stewart
I own none of it and under no circumstances is any of this real. Honestly it's not even likely the two would ever talk for more than a few minutes.
A fight breaks out between Demi and Selena in a bathroom at some Hollywood party. Kristen Stewart just needs to use the restroom, not listen in on teenage lesbian drama.
AN: Drug use and some slight heterosexual content in this chapter
There had been a horrible moment sometime in the early hours of the day, well late morning early afternoon because for Kristen at least that was pretty damn early, that an epiphany of sorts struck.
She had absolutely no close friends.
There were people like Gregory, people she was acquainted with and enjoyed talking to, but they weren’t what she would consider friends. Of course she wasn’t exactly certain what made a friend versus an acquaintance. Was there a difference? There had to be. She should be able to tell when someone was her friend. Like she knew without a shadow of a doubt that Michael and Nikki were her friends. She never second guessed that. People like Gregory though, with those people she never felt that certainty. They couldn’t be friends, not really, not if she wasn’t certain about it.
And you can’t really talk about some things, like how a cute slender brunette whose nose crinkled when she giggled made Kristen’s heart flutter, with acquaintances. That’s more of a share with friends thing.
Hence the revelation.
Not that if she were still dating Michael or hanging out with Nikki it would have come up. She probably would have never even spoken to Selena if they were still in her life. It was a little sad, but she most likely never would have known the other girl existed outside of magazines if not for losing her friends. Kristen doesn’t kid herself, despite the fun time she had yesterday, she’d give up meeting the younger girl in an instant if that’s all it took to get the other two back.
That’s not a possibility and she still needs someone to talk to. Because Selena is now a part of her life and it’s making her feel things and she desperately needs to discuss what it all means.
She could call Cameron. Her big brother was always good when she needed to rant about something. This wasn’t a rant though. This was… it was something else. Cameron wasn’t so good with those things.
This really only left one viable option, which probably wasn’t the smartest option, but Kristen really didn’t care.
Her and Rob weren’t friends. They weren’t exactly acquaintances either. What they were was hard to describe. Maybe something of a grey area between the two. It sure as hell wasn’t like Nikki or Michael, but so much more than Gregory.
As her fist tentatively knocked on Rob’s large wooden door, taking in the familiar cheap prints of sailboats and north east ocean scenes plastered in the most tasteful way all down the hallways of Rob’s apartment building, Kristen found herself second guessing her decision to talk to her costar. Perhaps she wrote off Cameron too soon. He gave good advice sometimes. Hell she could have even tried her parents. They might not have answered right away, but eventually they would call her back.
Feet scuffled along the wooden floor on the other side of the door and for a second the peephole darkened. Satisfied it was someone he knew and wanted to speak to, Rob flung the door open and gave Kristen a crooked smile.
For a second Kristen’s eyes scanned the boy staring at her. The grin on his face was partially obscured by the hair on his chin, which was beginning to approach full beard status. There were times, like now as she stood watching him run his large hands through his messy hair, that Kristen really did think he could be one of the most attractive men she’d ever met.
“Hey.”
Rob smiled with hooded eyes and stepped back from the door, allowing her in, “Hi. Wasn’t expecting you today.”
Kristen nodded and followed him in, smiling at the old ratty green t-shirt and faded jeans he was wearing, “Yea, just thought I’d stop by.”
The familiar sweet pungent smell lingered in the air, reminding Kristen why she had chosen Rob in the first place. Her legs carried her to his couch as he began to collect supplies. She loved that sometimes he just knew what she needed.
Carefully placing the glass bong on the table, Rob sat beside her. Kristen closed her eyes and tried not to jump at the warm feel of his jean covered thigh pressed against her own.
“So what’s wrong?”
“What makes you think something is wrong?”
Rob grinned and took a hit, allowing a few seconds before breathing out the thick grey smoke, “Cause you normally don’t just stop by unless something is wrong.”
Without a thought she took her own hit and leaned back on the worn couch, enjoying the calm that only pot seemed to bring.
“Its not that something is wrong, just… I don’t know…”
Chapped rough lips crashed against her own as the almost beard rubbed against her chin. This is why her and Rob were more than acquaintances. On instinct she felt her lips begin to respond, trying to ignore the way his teeth caught her lip a little too harshly.
As his hand pulled at her own dingy t-shirt, Kristen began to pull back. This wasn’t what she wanted. Not today. This wasn’t how she was going to deal with something being wrong right now. His lips tried to follow her until her hand came up between them. Immediately he sat back and narrowed his glassy eyes, trying to figure out what was wrong.
“That’s… I didn’t come here for that,” Kristen mumbled, scooting closer to the arm of the chair.
“Sorry I… I thought.”
Kristen couldn’t help but smile at Rob’s confused face. The smile fell as she realized how incredibly fucked up she had made their situation. They could have been friends. They could very easily be more than friends even.
“I know. I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry.”
Everything could have been so fucking simple. If she hadn’t had Michael, if they had met sooner, then maybe they could be more than what they were. But they were stupid and she was selfish and Michael found out and now every time Rob touched her all she could see was that moment when it all fell apart. When she lost her boyfriend and her best friend.
Rob scratched at the hair on his chin and took another hit, “Then why are you here?”
The anger in his voice made Kristen wince. She wanted to be mad at him for it, but found herself unable to do so. It wasn’t his fault. She was the one that showed up unannounced from time to time when things got really hard, when she found herself too lonely and lost.
“I… I, fuck, I needed someone to talk to and I’m a fucking idiot. I’m sorry,” Kristen sighed and began to get up.
She could see the muscles in his neck clench as he tamped down on whatever emotion was running through his head. For a second he stared blankly at the swirling multi colored glass now clouded with smoke, before reaching out to stop her.
“What’s wrong?”
Kristen shrugged and looked away, “It’s nothing.”
“It’s something. You… you can tell me okay? We’re friends, right?”
Kristen wanted to tell him that she really didn’t think they were, but managed to hold her tongue. He probably wouldn’t appreciate it. Friends didn’t do the things they did. If she were his friend she would never hurt him the way she always did.
“I think I’m going on a date tomorrow.”
Rob took a deep intake of air and released her hand. Kristen tried to ignore the chill that fell between them.
“Oh.”
Rob’s voice was heavy and Kristen felt a wave of guilt tear through her. If only things had been different.
Kristen’s teeth sunk into her lip, “Yea.”
“With who?”
“A girl.”
“That’s… that’s cool,” Rob whispered, trying to give a reassuring smile.
Kristen nodded and shoved her hands in her pocket, “I just… I don’t know. It might not be a date.”
“Do you want it to be?”
Kristen could only shrug as she tried not to look at the boy sitting on the couch looking up at her. That was the problem. She didn’t really know. It seemed that anymore all she could do was fuck people over. Michael and his sad eyes, Nikki’s broken voice, and now Rob sitting on his couch looking so lost and confused all flashed in her mind. She wanted it to be a date. She liked hanging out with Selena and the other girl made her feel things that sort of felt like what she remembered feeling when she first met Michael and later Nikki. She wanted them to be all giggly and adorable and like something out of a cheesy romantic comedy. But while she wanted it to be a date, she also did not want Selena to join the list of sad broken lost faces. The two things she wanted just didn’t seem like they could ever work together.
“I’ll fuck it up.”
Rob’s jaw clenched and he fought the desire to nod, “You… you might.”
A sudden lump began to grow in her throat and all she wanted was to run. Of course she would. All she could do was hurt people.
“You might not though. I think… I think you should at least try.”
Tears welled in her eyes at Rob’s unexpected words. God if only things had been different. In another life they would be perfect. In another life she wouldn’t only see her mistakes when she looked in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Kristen whispered, wiping the moisture from her eyes.
“You should probably get going,” Rob stayed seated on the couch as he kept his eyes trained on the smoke coiling within the glass.
Kristen nodded and walked to the door, unable to look at the boy on the couch.
“If… maybe in a bit, if you ever need to talk…”
Kristen paused, hand on the door, as the words reached her ear. Tears flooded her eyes yet again. She was selfish and horrible. Michael, Nikki, and Rob all deserved so much better. Selena did too.
“Don’t,” Rob added, knowing exactly what the girl was thinking. “Go on your date and see what happens.”
Kristen smiled and sniffled a little, “Okay.”
“Seriously, you back out and I’m telling people I knocked you up.”
A genuine laugh tickled her throat and Kristen decided that her and Rob were friends. Maybe things were awkward right now, maybe they would be for a while, but they were friends. She was certain of it.
I own none of it and under no circumstances is any of this real. Honestly it's not even likely the two would ever talk for more than a few minutes.
A fight breaks out between Demi and Selena in a bathroom at some Hollywood party. Kristen Stewart just needs to use the restroom, not listen in on teenage lesbian drama.
AN: Drug use and some slight heterosexual content in this chapter
There had been a horrible moment sometime in the early hours of the day, well late morning early afternoon because for Kristen at least that was pretty damn early, that an epiphany of sorts struck.
She had absolutely no close friends.
There were people like Gregory, people she was acquainted with and enjoyed talking to, but they weren’t what she would consider friends. Of course she wasn’t exactly certain what made a friend versus an acquaintance. Was there a difference? There had to be. She should be able to tell when someone was her friend. Like she knew without a shadow of a doubt that Michael and Nikki were her friends. She never second guessed that. People like Gregory though, with those people she never felt that certainty. They couldn’t be friends, not really, not if she wasn’t certain about it.
And you can’t really talk about some things, like how a cute slender brunette whose nose crinkled when she giggled made Kristen’s heart flutter, with acquaintances. That’s more of a share with friends thing.
Hence the revelation.
Not that if she were still dating Michael or hanging out with Nikki it would have come up. She probably would have never even spoken to Selena if they were still in her life. It was a little sad, but she most likely never would have known the other girl existed outside of magazines if not for losing her friends. Kristen doesn’t kid herself, despite the fun time she had yesterday, she’d give up meeting the younger girl in an instant if that’s all it took to get the other two back.
That’s not a possibility and she still needs someone to talk to. Because Selena is now a part of her life and it’s making her feel things and she desperately needs to discuss what it all means.
She could call Cameron. Her big brother was always good when she needed to rant about something. This wasn’t a rant though. This was… it was something else. Cameron wasn’t so good with those things.
This really only left one viable option, which probably wasn’t the smartest option, but Kristen really didn’t care.
Her and Rob weren’t friends. They weren’t exactly acquaintances either. What they were was hard to describe. Maybe something of a grey area between the two. It sure as hell wasn’t like Nikki or Michael, but so much more than Gregory.
As her fist tentatively knocked on Rob’s large wooden door, taking in the familiar cheap prints of sailboats and north east ocean scenes plastered in the most tasteful way all down the hallways of Rob’s apartment building, Kristen found herself second guessing her decision to talk to her costar. Perhaps she wrote off Cameron too soon. He gave good advice sometimes. Hell she could have even tried her parents. They might not have answered right away, but eventually they would call her back.
Feet scuffled along the wooden floor on the other side of the door and for a second the peephole darkened. Satisfied it was someone he knew and wanted to speak to, Rob flung the door open and gave Kristen a crooked smile.
For a second Kristen’s eyes scanned the boy staring at her. The grin on his face was partially obscured by the hair on his chin, which was beginning to approach full beard status. There were times, like now as she stood watching him run his large hands through his messy hair, that Kristen really did think he could be one of the most attractive men she’d ever met.
“Hey.”
Rob smiled with hooded eyes and stepped back from the door, allowing her in, “Hi. Wasn’t expecting you today.”
Kristen nodded and followed him in, smiling at the old ratty green t-shirt and faded jeans he was wearing, “Yea, just thought I’d stop by.”
The familiar sweet pungent smell lingered in the air, reminding Kristen why she had chosen Rob in the first place. Her legs carried her to his couch as he began to collect supplies. She loved that sometimes he just knew what she needed.
Carefully placing the glass bong on the table, Rob sat beside her. Kristen closed her eyes and tried not to jump at the warm feel of his jean covered thigh pressed against her own.
“So what’s wrong?”
“What makes you think something is wrong?”
Rob grinned and took a hit, allowing a few seconds before breathing out the thick grey smoke, “Cause you normally don’t just stop by unless something is wrong.”
Without a thought she took her own hit and leaned back on the worn couch, enjoying the calm that only pot seemed to bring.
“Its not that something is wrong, just… I don’t know…”
Chapped rough lips crashed against her own as the almost beard rubbed against her chin. This is why her and Rob were more than acquaintances. On instinct she felt her lips begin to respond, trying to ignore the way his teeth caught her lip a little too harshly.
As his hand pulled at her own dingy t-shirt, Kristen began to pull back. This wasn’t what she wanted. Not today. This wasn’t how she was going to deal with something being wrong right now. His lips tried to follow her until her hand came up between them. Immediately he sat back and narrowed his glassy eyes, trying to figure out what was wrong.
“That’s… I didn’t come here for that,” Kristen mumbled, scooting closer to the arm of the chair.
“Sorry I… I thought.”
Kristen couldn’t help but smile at Rob’s confused face. The smile fell as she realized how incredibly fucked up she had made their situation. They could have been friends. They could very easily be more than friends even.
“I know. I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry.”
Everything could have been so fucking simple. If she hadn’t had Michael, if they had met sooner, then maybe they could be more than what they were. But they were stupid and she was selfish and Michael found out and now every time Rob touched her all she could see was that moment when it all fell apart. When she lost her boyfriend and her best friend.
Rob scratched at the hair on his chin and took another hit, “Then why are you here?”
The anger in his voice made Kristen wince. She wanted to be mad at him for it, but found herself unable to do so. It wasn’t his fault. She was the one that showed up unannounced from time to time when things got really hard, when she found herself too lonely and lost.
“I… I, fuck, I needed someone to talk to and I’m a fucking idiot. I’m sorry,” Kristen sighed and began to get up.
She could see the muscles in his neck clench as he tamped down on whatever emotion was running through his head. For a second he stared blankly at the swirling multi colored glass now clouded with smoke, before reaching out to stop her.
“What’s wrong?”
Kristen shrugged and looked away, “It’s nothing.”
“It’s something. You… you can tell me okay? We’re friends, right?”
Kristen wanted to tell him that she really didn’t think they were, but managed to hold her tongue. He probably wouldn’t appreciate it. Friends didn’t do the things they did. If she were his friend she would never hurt him the way she always did.
“I think I’m going on a date tomorrow.”
Rob took a deep intake of air and released her hand. Kristen tried to ignore the chill that fell between them.
“Oh.”
Rob’s voice was heavy and Kristen felt a wave of guilt tear through her. If only things had been different.
Kristen’s teeth sunk into her lip, “Yea.”
“With who?”
“A girl.”
“That’s… that’s cool,” Rob whispered, trying to give a reassuring smile.
Kristen nodded and shoved her hands in her pocket, “I just… I don’t know. It might not be a date.”
“Do you want it to be?”
Kristen could only shrug as she tried not to look at the boy sitting on the couch looking up at her. That was the problem. She didn’t really know. It seemed that anymore all she could do was fuck people over. Michael and his sad eyes, Nikki’s broken voice, and now Rob sitting on his couch looking so lost and confused all flashed in her mind. She wanted it to be a date. She liked hanging out with Selena and the other girl made her feel things that sort of felt like what she remembered feeling when she first met Michael and later Nikki. She wanted them to be all giggly and adorable and like something out of a cheesy romantic comedy. But while she wanted it to be a date, she also did not want Selena to join the list of sad broken lost faces. The two things she wanted just didn’t seem like they could ever work together.
“I’ll fuck it up.”
Rob’s jaw clenched and he fought the desire to nod, “You… you might.”
A sudden lump began to grow in her throat and all she wanted was to run. Of course she would. All she could do was hurt people.
“You might not though. I think… I think you should at least try.”
Tears welled in her eyes at Rob’s unexpected words. God if only things had been different. In another life they would be perfect. In another life she wouldn’t only see her mistakes when she looked in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Kristen whispered, wiping the moisture from her eyes.
“You should probably get going,” Rob stayed seated on the couch as he kept his eyes trained on the smoke coiling within the glass.
Kristen nodded and walked to the door, unable to look at the boy on the couch.
“If… maybe in a bit, if you ever need to talk…”
Kristen paused, hand on the door, as the words reached her ear. Tears flooded her eyes yet again. She was selfish and horrible. Michael, Nikki, and Rob all deserved so much better. Selena did too.
“Don’t,” Rob added, knowing exactly what the girl was thinking. “Go on your date and see what happens.”
Kristen smiled and sniffled a little, “Okay.”
“Seriously, you back out and I’m telling people I knocked you up.”
A genuine laugh tickled her throat and Kristen decided that her and Rob were friends. Maybe things were awkward right now, maybe they would be for a while, but they were friends. She was certain of it.