When will my name be on that list?
God. It hurts a lot. I miss him a lot.
Everything in this city is different now. I feel like the whole big bad world is out to get me. I may not have been on top of my game with him, but I was getting there. I would have been with a little time. Now I feel like I have to start all over, and the idea of going though all the work of meeting someone new and falling in love is so daunting that I feel like it may never happen again. Not because I don't want love, or I'm not open to it... but because I have so many other things to get right in my life, that I don't think love has much room. I didn't have to focus on it with Drew.. it just happened. And it was the first time that that has ever happened. I think it was a fluke.
What if I don't get another chance at love for years? And why did I lose this love? I'm still not quite sure how it happened. One moment I had him, the next he was gone. And it was tricky gone too, he was all "I still want to be your close friend and see you all the time". That was a week and a half ago. I've seen him twice since. Once for like an hour at his apartment. He barely engaged me when I was there and then it was up and leave... but he was wearing my shirt... very obviously wearing my shirt, I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't even clean. And I know he knew it was mine. The second time I saw him was at his show. There was a brief congratulatory chat post production and I gave him a " give me a call sometime if you want to do anything". Two days later I called him and left him a message. He hasn't called me back yet.. Now it's only been three days, but still, it would be nice if he hadn't been lying when he broke my heart.
Also, if nothing else, I would just like to go over to his place to get my stuff that I left there. I don't even know what I left, but I know there at quite a few things... I did after all almost live there for over a month. I know of at least my shirt that he was wearing and my 3 Power Rangers DVDs. The Power Rangers are very special to me. I want them back. I want a lot of the stuff that I left there back, including my dignity. That would be a nice thing to have if I'm going to have a life in New York that is Drew-less.. OH! Also, Drew isn't even his real name. It's Phillip. He just goes by Drew because it's his middle name and he likes it better. Now I'm all mad and petty. I could list all his bad qualities, but that won't do anyone any good now will it?
I miss Ryan. I wish he was here. At least when he didn't want to date me, I still had an amazing awesome friend.
Bah!
Everything in this city is different now. I feel like the whole big bad world is out to get me. I may not have been on top of my game with him, but I was getting there. I would have been with a little time. Now I feel like I have to start all over, and the idea of going though all the work of meeting someone new and falling in love is so daunting that I feel like it may never happen again. Not because I don't want love, or I'm not open to it... but because I have so many other things to get right in my life, that I don't think love has much room. I didn't have to focus on it with Drew.. it just happened. And it was the first time that that has ever happened. I think it was a fluke.
What if I don't get another chance at love for years? And why did I lose this love? I'm still not quite sure how it happened. One moment I had him, the next he was gone. And it was tricky gone too, he was all "I still want to be your close friend and see you all the time". That was a week and a half ago. I've seen him twice since. Once for like an hour at his apartment. He barely engaged me when I was there and then it was up and leave... but he was wearing my shirt... very obviously wearing my shirt, I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't even clean. And I know he knew it was mine. The second time I saw him was at his show. There was a brief congratulatory chat post production and I gave him a " give me a call sometime if you want to do anything". Two days later I called him and left him a message. He hasn't called me back yet.. Now it's only been three days, but still, it would be nice if he hadn't been lying when he broke my heart.
Also, if nothing else, I would just like to go over to his place to get my stuff that I left there. I don't even know what I left, but I know there at quite a few things... I did after all almost live there for over a month. I know of at least my shirt that he was wearing and my 3 Power Rangers DVDs. The Power Rangers are very special to me. I want them back. I want a lot of the stuff that I left there back, including my dignity. That would be a nice thing to have if I'm going to have a life in New York that is Drew-less.. OH! Also, Drew isn't even his real name. It's Phillip. He just goes by Drew because it's his middle name and he likes it better. Now I'm all mad and petty. I could list all his bad qualities, but that won't do anyone any good now will it?
I miss Ryan. I wish he was here. At least when he didn't want to date me, I still had an amazing awesome friend.
Bah!