(no subject)
as is typical for me to do during difficult times, i've been evaluating my relationships a lot lately. specifically i've been thinking about fair weather friends. i'm learning that i have a lot more fair weather friends than i initially realized. at first i was surprised by this, but upon closer examination of my histories with these friends i noticed it wasn't so strange after all. aside from one or two of these friends, the fact that they are only around during happy times doesn't indicated a lopsided relationship. i'm a fair weather friend to some people as well. there have been a few friends that i feel lean heavily on me but aren't there when i need them, but they aren't very close so it's honestly not a big deal. some people are just self centered and the best thing to do is keep them at an arm's distance.
what HAS been surprising is the people who seem to only be gloomy-weather friends. osiris is a perfect example, he only seems to show up when shit is going down, and once i feel any better than totally devastated, he's gone. it's bizarre. matt was this way as well, and i wish i had the same ability to pick up the phone when he needed me. maybe if i'd been a better friend this wouldn't have happened.
it's been comforting to know that some people will show up when i need them. it has been discouraging to realize that aside from the mohans, i don't really have anyone in this part of the country that will be there for me when i need them. i have a few friends who haven't called (or texted, or facebooked, or...whatever) since i got slammed into this depression. these are people i thought i had a better relationship with, and it's been a sad realization.
brendan and i talk about heading south when we become real adults. i think that's probably going to happen, though i'm not sure where exactly we will go. so far virginia is the top contender. jersey is too cold for me, environmentally and socially. i'd like to go somewhere people make eye contact with each other and meet their neighbors, and bring over casserole or something when a loved one dies.
it's nice that i don't feel bitter about this desertion. when i was younger i certainly would have. but...that's the culture here. we are isolated units in the northeast. mostly i just feel like i am adrift and uninspired.
what HAS been surprising is the people who seem to only be gloomy-weather friends. osiris is a perfect example, he only seems to show up when shit is going down, and once i feel any better than totally devastated, he's gone. it's bizarre. matt was this way as well, and i wish i had the same ability to pick up the phone when he needed me. maybe if i'd been a better friend this wouldn't have happened.
it's been comforting to know that some people will show up when i need them. it has been discouraging to realize that aside from the mohans, i don't really have anyone in this part of the country that will be there for me when i need them. i have a few friends who haven't called (or texted, or facebooked, or...whatever) since i got slammed into this depression. these are people i thought i had a better relationship with, and it's been a sad realization.
brendan and i talk about heading south when we become real adults. i think that's probably going to happen, though i'm not sure where exactly we will go. so far virginia is the top contender. jersey is too cold for me, environmentally and socially. i'd like to go somewhere people make eye contact with each other and meet their neighbors, and bring over casserole or something when a loved one dies.
it's nice that i don't feel bitter about this desertion. when i was younger i certainly would have. but...that's the culture here. we are isolated units in the northeast. mostly i just feel like i am adrift and uninspired.