An Ere on the Brink
Short story time, or, "wtf happened to Ere?"
I decided to level COR as my next 75, and was leveling RNG in the dunes as a subjob. I paid off my Morrigan's debt to Brim by selling some expensive items like my Osode and the Azoth (it also helped that he reduced the debt as a birthday present, which I am thankful for) but didn't have a whole heck of a lot of gil left over afterword. I didn't have enough to buy an Emperor hairpin without getting really dangerously low. It was something I figured I'd worry about later, as I was mostly just happy not to be in debt any more.
I was a level19 RNG in a pretty bad dunes party when I noticed Valkrum Emperor was up on widescan. I ran over, unclaimed! We had a level 50-something DRG synched down (apparently DRG invites are just that bad) and I claimed it and the party leader dropped synch. I was kiting it around for a pretty long time after synch wore but nobody voked it. I died. Then they easily slaughtered it. Pin dropped! Of the five peple in the party, three already had the ex version. I asked if they'd pass for my dead body and they did. Then the rank 2 rdm lots it with a 30-something lot on it, and no amount of pleading would get him to pass. I was too dead to do anything about it, and Selbina was too far away to get a raise from. I pretty much just logged off in disgust.
I vowed that I would either get an Empress Hairpin or quit the game, because I've never gotten one and have always wished I had it when I was leveling a lowbie job. RNG and COR were perfect for it. It was time to get the pin!
... I think I might have chosen the latter. That is, to quit the game.
I've tried to camp it a couple times and didn't get claim any of them despite being on DNC/RNG having widescan, voke, and enhanced movement speed. Fun fact about me: in all the years I've been playing, I've never claimed an NM against competion. Ever. And apparently this wasn't the time to break that streak.
After a few hours of standing in the dunes, killing a placeholder every 5 minutes, and not even getting to fight emp, the sheer boredom of the whole fiasco slammed me. I started finding other things to do other than log on. Watching movies. Talking to friends I haven't seen in a while. I even started getting swept into my old hobbies like writing and RPG programming.
I've logged on a few times since then for dynamis and my nyzul, and actually had some pretty good luck with items there, but I don't know. It feels hollow somehow because of the hairpin thing. I can't muster the enthusiasm to care much about the game.
It's not really about the pin, I don't think, because I could just buy it with gil on hand. I may be able to get a friend or two to camp with me. Hell, I could probably be all emo and get someone to just buy me the stupid thing until I level up past where it's useful. But I don't think it's that. I think that the whole obsession/addiction thing got hit a bit too hard this time and shattered dramatically. I simply can't bring myself to keep camping it because it feels so pointless, but I also can't bring myself to stop camping it and do other stuff in the game, because it's so common and should be so easy and really makes me feel shitty that I can't do even the simple stuff right. I WILL NOT do any more leveling or meriting or helping people really until I get that stupid rare/ex pin, and if that's the vow that drives my character into being deactivated then so be it.
Plus there are so. many. other. problems that I'm having in the game outside of the pin that I'm not looking forward to solving. Some having to do with my linkshell and it's chronic failness, some with the jobs I have leveled and their undeserability in almost every situation in the game despite having neaerly every role filled with a job by now, some with my gil and never having it and being sick of that, some with my own reputation and past and who I know. Big hassle really.
So, yeah. It's not the first time I've taken an extended break so I won't be all stupid and say I'm quitting. But, neither will I say I'm planning on playing too much really outside maybe a few things to log on for. And maybe not even then. We'll see how bored I get.