Comments | erdbeerkirsche: Incoming Identity Crisis

erdbeerkirsche

Incoming Identity Crisis

Jun 22, 2010 15:03

Dear Family,
would you please stop encouraging me?

You know it really puts a huge pressure on me, when I hear sentences like "Oh, we all know, you're going to do this, dear!", "You'll be successful!" or "We believe in you!"

I know, you just say so because you care for me and stuff and I love you for doing this... but... why start now with saying ( Read more... )

family, studies

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erdbeerkirsche June 22 2010, 21:05:56 UTC

Did your parents put pressure on you? Or you on yourself? Or both?

Most of my sisters (I have eight sisters) went to grammar school or what was supposed to be grammar school in GDR. They were all pretty good at school and intelligent as well. They all have a job, they live in great houses/apartments, have children etc.

My parents fortunatly didn't EVER push me into being as good as them (and I love them for that!), but I did that pretty much myself. I guess it was the urge to be aknowldged by my syisters. Since they are all A LOT older than me and they always treated my like a little baby (which I was once).
They are still like that sometimes, but now I am an "adult" they feel more like "sisters" to me rather than aunts or sth like that. You know, we share clothes and call each other (okay, that's pretty rare...) and stuff like that...
It just feels strange being their "little genius" all of the sudden while they used to call me stupid, passive, dependent not viable... stuff like that... And then I made my A-levels with 1,3 and all of the sudden I was pretty smart in their eyes. "Hey, she is not THAT dumb..." It like they just realized it...

yumenonozomi June 24 2010, 18:57:23 UTC

It was more.. as a child I really enjoyed going to elementary school and the pressure I did was by myself (it has the retarded backstory that I always wanted to be as intelligent as that genius from Sailor Moon, lol xD). Though once I entered Gymnasium it was so much, I wanted to switch to Realschule in the 6/7th grade, but my parents didn't let me anymore, so I had some pressure from there and then the thing with repeating a class happened (though seriously, it's because I understood the subjects only a bit later after we had the exams always - I had a 5 in maths but when I repeated the class I suddenly was between 1-2, haha) and my mom started to bitch so heavily about it and everything and kept comparing me to the children of her friends. >>
My father was more like: As long as you do the Abitur it's fine and funny enough, once I graduated, my sisters were the ones who gave me the pressure for going to uni. Their logic was since I have Abitur I totally shouldn't do anything which can be done without one, sob. xD'

Woah, 8 sisters are a lot. O_o
Oh, good that they didn't pressure you, I tell you it's pretty horrible. xD'
Though I see, you wanted to be acknowlegded by your sisters. I guess that must be so weird when they suddenly act like that.

erdbeerkirsche June 24 2010, 19:32:10 UTC

I hate it when someone compares their own child to someone else's. My sisters keep comparing their own children with other children.
But that's unfortunatly the way our society has become, I guess. It's all about knowledge and intelligence and achievements.

"Their logic was since I have Abitur I totally shouldn't do anything which can be done without one, sob. xD'"
Actually I think it depends on what you want to do. I made A-levels because I wanted to go to university, while others did their A-levels to do sth they totally could have done without one. You see, in my eyes they wasted two years for nothing... But then again, the A-level could come in handy in case you lose your job or sth like that AND you have higher chances to get a job even for those jobs you can do without A-levels. Having Abitur is good I guess.

It IS wierd.
The thing is: my youngest sisters are twins (they are still older than me) and did "just" GCSEs. One of them tends to make strange commends about me being smart and studying at university and stuff like that. I always get the feeling she is a little jealous and thinks I would think I am better than her which totally not true.
Can't help but feel sorry for her...

yumenonozomi June 25 2010, 19:25:44 UTC

It's pretty awful, especially for the children, I think. Though yeah, I think you are right in this case, unfortunately, capitalism just got too strong.

Well, I just did it because everyone was like: It's the best thing to do, I had no real intentions after that and since my grades aren't really that great my field of choice was extremely limited anyways.
So yeah for having an Abitur, it opens to you pretty much everything, but to be forced to visit uni was... hm. Whenever I found something which didn't need the Abi they were like: dskjhf, no way! xD'

Oh, that sounds really bad. D:
Like kinda... passive-aggressive, it might be very well that she is jealous. I guess talking with her over it would be pretty awkward...?

erdbeerkirsche June 26 2010, 10:15:21 UTC

"So yeah for having an Abitur, it opens to you pretty much everything, but to be forced to visit uni was..."
;_; I'm sorry for ya....

I could ask her to stop making such comments and tell her, that I can't help the way she feels about me, but reassure her that, in my eyes, am not of more worth than her simply because of my school grades.

yumenonozomi June 26 2010, 21:15:23 UTC

It would be great if she understands that. D:

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