(no subject)
from a draft i never posted on the internet that i was completely unaware of until now.
why am i sad? ive been pretty happy, non stop, for the last few... for a while now. im in a funk. i need to have fun tonight.
i wonder if i had fun that night? i wonder how i left that funk? there are times i get in hose kinds of moods. theyve been all but non existant now. but they still exists. sometimes im on top of the balloon, sometimes it is on top of me. i dont want constant mindblowing happiness. i just want to be content with my life, i want things to be easy and carefree. im glad the semester is almost over. i fucked up everything it seems. but i learned a lot and got nothing done. oh well.
also, im trying to be less of a dumb kid anymore. trying being the operative word. its kind of working, for the most part. im done making big deals out of things that shouldnt be. im trying not to take things to heart that have business being there. i think the only problem is that i try and deny these feelings exist rather than dealing with them in more constructive ways than obsessing over them and wallowing in the worst parts of my imagination.
Ely is sitting on the floor of my room. i want her to it nxt to me.
"you should sit next to me"
she looks around, "im thinking." she gets up and sits next to me, her sholder pressed against mine. she reads the screen and giggles. i wonder if she thinks im weird? but then she bites my back and things are ok.
"am i allowed to read?" she asks, and i nod. she can read everything.
why am i sad? ive been pretty happy, non stop, for the last few... for a while now. im in a funk. i need to have fun tonight.
i wonder if i had fun that night? i wonder how i left that funk? there are times i get in hose kinds of moods. theyve been all but non existant now. but they still exists. sometimes im on top of the balloon, sometimes it is on top of me. i dont want constant mindblowing happiness. i just want to be content with my life, i want things to be easy and carefree. im glad the semester is almost over. i fucked up everything it seems. but i learned a lot and got nothing done. oh well.
also, im trying to be less of a dumb kid anymore. trying being the operative word. its kind of working, for the most part. im done making big deals out of things that shouldnt be. im trying not to take things to heart that have business being there. i think the only problem is that i try and deny these feelings exist rather than dealing with them in more constructive ways than obsessing over them and wallowing in the worst parts of my imagination.
Ely is sitting on the floor of my room. i want her to it nxt to me.
"you should sit next to me"
she looks around, "im thinking." she gets up and sits next to me, her sholder pressed against mine. she reads the screen and giggles. i wonder if she thinks im weird? but then she bites my back and things are ok.
"am i allowed to read?" she asks, and i nod. she can read everything.