(no subject)
today was long. and okay, for the most part. drama class was full of mixed emotions, as usual, but not for reasons anyone might suspect.
marcus and kenny did thier scene, which was utterly HILARIOUS. they were both gay, and marcus was positively flamboyant... they were professing thier love for one another. it ended in a rather awkward hug, that i dont think was supposed to happen, but it did, and it was great.
then we moved onto an improv skit called The Hitchhiker. it's complicated. four people in a car. all of them are the same type of character. then a hitchhiker comes. is a totally new type of character. gets in the car. driver gets out, every shifts seats. suddenly everyone in the car is the hitchhikers character type. it's that way with each hitchhiker. thats a long story short.
first i was a germophobe. then i became someone with tourette's syndrome, thanks to chad. then, kudos to roxie, we all became pregnant women, including chad and nathaniel, which was quite amusing. and then i became the driver. our hitchhiker was marcus.
so i get in the front seat, to pick him up. we all took a minute to figure out what his character type was. it was kind confusing. he was really jumpy and itchy, looked kind of nervous. i couldn't figure it out until he took a drag from a make beleive joint.
he was a drug addict.
i was in shock, i couldn't act. pssht, screw that, i couldn't even move. it's bad enough i grew up with one... no, two. now i have to act like one? no, i'm sorry, that's a little bit too out of my comfort zone. okay i lied. ALOT out of my comfort zone. and i would really appreciate no one commenting on this telling me that i should grow up and get over it because it's just drama class. no. it's not just drama class. it's not just acting. it's not just pretend. to me, it's a lot more.
i am in SUCH a bad mood. then i got a comment on my myspace blog, which absolutely made my day. i have a few wonderful friends. actually, for now, i have alot of wonderful friends. but i'm wondering how much longer those wonderful friends are going to stick around. circumstances change, secrest get uncovered, people get scared... have you ever noticed how often that happens in real life? guess that's just the way it goes.
EDITEDITEDIT
oh dear god, i'm breaking down... this is all too much... i have to go soon.... but.... just know... that if im not okay tmrw...... its all my fault...... i feel so pathetic, so worthless.... its getting to be so that i can hardly move...... i cant stop shaking, cant stop crying.... i dont understand what i did.... what did i do to deserve this?.... i'm i realy that bad, am i really taht bad of a person?... he hates me now, just wait til i tell him.... my new name.... my new name is 'fucking liar'.... my brother and i each took two cookies after school today.... and my dad broke us both down..... told us how pathetic we were.... how incredibly stupid and worthless..... our new names are fucking lair 1 and fucking liar 2..... it was two cookies.... i mean, i can understand being yelled at... but you dont understnad just how bad.... just what he said... everything..... i dont know what to do.. its not just this... its other things.... other secrets.... god, what am i doing..... its not all my fault... its not like i could choose... i didnt have a choice on some things.... im so confused.... so lost.... im feeling so broken, so.... unwanted.... what am i going to do?.... i cant tell, cant trust.... oh god....
marcus and kenny did thier scene, which was utterly HILARIOUS. they were both gay, and marcus was positively flamboyant... they were professing thier love for one another. it ended in a rather awkward hug, that i dont think was supposed to happen, but it did, and it was great.
then we moved onto an improv skit called The Hitchhiker. it's complicated. four people in a car. all of them are the same type of character. then a hitchhiker comes. is a totally new type of character. gets in the car. driver gets out, every shifts seats. suddenly everyone in the car is the hitchhikers character type. it's that way with each hitchhiker. thats a long story short.
first i was a germophobe. then i became someone with tourette's syndrome, thanks to chad. then, kudos to roxie, we all became pregnant women, including chad and nathaniel, which was quite amusing. and then i became the driver. our hitchhiker was marcus.
so i get in the front seat, to pick him up. we all took a minute to figure out what his character type was. it was kind confusing. he was really jumpy and itchy, looked kind of nervous. i couldn't figure it out until he took a drag from a make beleive joint.
he was a drug addict.
i was in shock, i couldn't act. pssht, screw that, i couldn't even move. it's bad enough i grew up with one... no, two. now i have to act like one? no, i'm sorry, that's a little bit too out of my comfort zone. okay i lied. ALOT out of my comfort zone. and i would really appreciate no one commenting on this telling me that i should grow up and get over it because it's just drama class. no. it's not just drama class. it's not just acting. it's not just pretend. to me, it's a lot more.
i am in SUCH a bad mood. then i got a comment on my myspace blog, which absolutely made my day. i have a few wonderful friends. actually, for now, i have alot of wonderful friends. but i'm wondering how much longer those wonderful friends are going to stick around. circumstances change, secrest get uncovered, people get scared... have you ever noticed how often that happens in real life? guess that's just the way it goes.
EDITEDITEDIT
oh dear god, i'm breaking down... this is all too much... i have to go soon.... but.... just know... that if im not okay tmrw...... its all my fault...... i feel so pathetic, so worthless.... its getting to be so that i can hardly move...... i cant stop shaking, cant stop crying.... i dont understand what i did.... what did i do to deserve this?.... i'm i realy that bad, am i really taht bad of a person?... he hates me now, just wait til i tell him.... my new name.... my new name is 'fucking liar'.... my brother and i each took two cookies after school today.... and my dad broke us both down..... told us how pathetic we were.... how incredibly stupid and worthless..... our new names are fucking lair 1 and fucking liar 2..... it was two cookies.... i mean, i can understand being yelled at... but you dont understnad just how bad.... just what he said... everything..... i dont know what to do.. its not just this... its other things.... other secrets.... god, what am i doing..... its not all my fault... its not like i could choose... i didnt have a choice on some things.... im so confused.... so lost.... im feeling so broken, so.... unwanted.... what am i going to do?.... i cant tell, cant trust.... oh god....