Riding fears
I could use some advice here, guys.
I've spent most of my life on horseback. I started riding when I was seven and rode at least a few times a month, if not more, from then until I was seventeen or so. I stopped riding because I've been battling some very intense fear and anxiety that's horse-related since I was about fifteen. I didn't seek help before stopping when I was seventeen (too stubborn, and I just wasn't ready for help). My trainers lent as much help as they could, but at the barn I rode at, everyone was inexperienced and no one really knew how to handle my particular case. There were two incidents that sparked my fear. One happened when I was fifteen or so; I was on a green filly who spooked at a bus on the road that ran parallel to the outdoor ring. She ran and ran around that ring for a good three or four minutes before I could really slow her down. My mom, who was present that day and watched it, said that when I got off of the filly, it was the first time she had ever seen fear in my eyes. I had simply never been in a situation like that before (very lucky, I know) and had no idea how to process it. I started back from the very beginning again, riding the oldest schoolhorse our barn had to offer.
Eventually I worked my way back up to more challenging horses but I never had that out and out joy of letting go with your horse; I never let my guard down. About a year and a half later, the second incident occurred. I was on the green filly's sister, who was also quite green at that age and could be very bratty if she knew she could get away with it. Well, she was being bratty with me, and I just kept getting more and more anxious and uncomfortable. My instructor put her on a lunge line and had us do w/t/c in circles around her. The filly got it into her head to go up to the barn, so she got into a gallop, ripped the lunge line out of my instructor's hands and headed up-- except there was a jump standard acting as a gate in her way. She slammed on the brakes, I went over her head and ripped a gash in my upper lip on hitting the ground. I went and got stitches, and I know I rode some more after that, but damned if I can remember it.
I took a few years off and rode off and on during college, hoping time would help my fear. Sadly, this was not the case. I want to ride again but I know I need therapy to help. The thing is: I'm not sure how to get in touch with someone who would have a specialty in equestrian-related fear and anxieties. Has anyone been in a similar situation before (or even known anyone who has been)? How did you get over your fear/acquire the help you needed? Any advice for someone whose riding fear has gotten the best of her a few too many times? Thanks so much in advance!
I've spent most of my life on horseback. I started riding when I was seven and rode at least a few times a month, if not more, from then until I was seventeen or so. I stopped riding because I've been battling some very intense fear and anxiety that's horse-related since I was about fifteen. I didn't seek help before stopping when I was seventeen (too stubborn, and I just wasn't ready for help). My trainers lent as much help as they could, but at the barn I rode at, everyone was inexperienced and no one really knew how to handle my particular case. There were two incidents that sparked my fear. One happened when I was fifteen or so; I was on a green filly who spooked at a bus on the road that ran parallel to the outdoor ring. She ran and ran around that ring for a good three or four minutes before I could really slow her down. My mom, who was present that day and watched it, said that when I got off of the filly, it was the first time she had ever seen fear in my eyes. I had simply never been in a situation like that before (very lucky, I know) and had no idea how to process it. I started back from the very beginning again, riding the oldest schoolhorse our barn had to offer.
Eventually I worked my way back up to more challenging horses but I never had that out and out joy of letting go with your horse; I never let my guard down. About a year and a half later, the second incident occurred. I was on the green filly's sister, who was also quite green at that age and could be very bratty if she knew she could get away with it. Well, she was being bratty with me, and I just kept getting more and more anxious and uncomfortable. My instructor put her on a lunge line and had us do w/t/c in circles around her. The filly got it into her head to go up to the barn, so she got into a gallop, ripped the lunge line out of my instructor's hands and headed up-- except there was a jump standard acting as a gate in her way. She slammed on the brakes, I went over her head and ripped a gash in my upper lip on hitting the ground. I went and got stitches, and I know I rode some more after that, but damned if I can remember it.
I took a few years off and rode off and on during college, hoping time would help my fear. Sadly, this was not the case. I want to ride again but I know I need therapy to help. The thing is: I'm not sure how to get in touch with someone who would have a specialty in equestrian-related fear and anxieties. Has anyone been in a similar situation before (or even known anyone who has been)? How did you get over your fear/acquire the help you needed? Any advice for someone whose riding fear has gotten the best of her a few too many times? Thanks so much in advance!