stop this train
I've been a mess lately- seriously, a downward spiral- and it only just started getting better. Long story short, I got word that Andy only thinks of me as a friend and I was crushed and falling apart and in physical pain over it. He's been giving me guitar lessons once a week so I tried to keep up with that but I just couldn't. The whole thing was driving me ridiculously crazy. So last Wednesday I told him I couldn't do the lessons anymore and that I thought we shouldn't hang out outside of work until I got over him. We ended arguing over text for a few hours. And I told him I wanted to be friends with him, but I couldn't do it feeling like this. He ended up saying it wasn't that he didn't like me, it was evident from the beginning that we wouldn't work out because we had completely different outlooks on everything. I told him I didn't that was true, or that it mattered, but whatever. I haven't spoken to him since. We worked together for an hour on Saturday but he wouldn't even look at me. No interaction whatsoever. It's hard and it really sucks and I really wish things could be different, but for the first time in a while I'm not going crazy, so this was necessary. But it's like he thinks I'm trying to punish him or something, and so he's being cold to me in return. I don't want to cut him off completely- because, what good is that gonna do me or him?- but I needed him in my life less, until I could bear having him in it as just a friend. Until my sanity returns and I stop making myself sick over this. Guh.
On the bright side I HAVE been feeling a lot better and all my friends are home for spring break this week (even though I'm still in school) so they've been a beautiful distraction. Also, I've started hanging out with Jenny again and it's been awesome. I forgot how much she can calm me down just by talking to me. Usually when we hang out we just lay on her massive bed, burning incense and listening to John Mayer and talking about everything that's driving us crazy. We're both really into art recently so we're gonna start drawing and painting together too! I've been really inspired lately to do a lot of artwork whenever I'm feeling really bad or weighed down with something. I've also started up writing again more consistently, where I was having a hard time getting any writing done for the longest time. Hopefully I'll figure things out with Andy. Either he'll get his act together or I'll get over him completely. We'll see.
On the bright side I HAVE been feeling a lot better and all my friends are home for spring break this week (even though I'm still in school) so they've been a beautiful distraction. Also, I've started hanging out with Jenny again and it's been awesome. I forgot how much she can calm me down just by talking to me. Usually when we hang out we just lay on her massive bed, burning incense and listening to John Mayer and talking about everything that's driving us crazy. We're both really into art recently so we're gonna start drawing and painting together too! I've been really inspired lately to do a lot of artwork whenever I'm feeling really bad or weighed down with something. I've also started up writing again more consistently, where I was having a hard time getting any writing done for the longest time. Hopefully I'll figure things out with Andy. Either he'll get his act together or I'll get over him completely. We'll see.