The grad school saga continues
I don't like the person I am becoming since starting graduate school.
It used to be that I had self-confidence in my mathematical abilities. I believed this as a result of understanding concepts, being able to complete assignments in a timely fashion, scoring well on exams, and being reminded by my professorsof my abilities to accomplish each of these things if I forgot. Now, at least one professor a day tells me that I'm not qualified to be in this program, that I'm dumb, or that my degree is crap since it's not from Harvard or MIT or the like. At first, I was able to shrug this off, but now, after hearing it every day, dare I say that I might be starting to believe it.
I'm tired of not having enough time. I used to juggle 21 credits, 2 part time jobs, and a social life. Now, I have less credits, no social life, and only one job but I feel like I have no time because I'm always working on math related junk. My weekends are devoted to finishing the tasks that math prevented me from doing all week long...such as laundry, grocery shopping, and sleeping.
My optimism and faith have both taken a serious decline. That bothers me. I like having faith in my purpose and having faith that God will see me through all things and protect me. I don't want that to waiver. I don't like that I'm letting surrounding circumstances cause that to waiver. I don't like that suddenly I'm untrusting of others.
Overall, I need a life overhaul. I'm taking the weekend to myself, regardless of how many extra hours of work this will mean for me next week. I need to buy shoes. I need to read a book or sit and enjoy a movie. I need to sleep in. I desperately want to rediscover the spark that puts that puts the bounce back into my step and the zest and passion for life back into my existence.
It used to be that I had self-confidence in my mathematical abilities. I believed this as a result of understanding concepts, being able to complete assignments in a timely fashion, scoring well on exams, and being reminded by my professorsof my abilities to accomplish each of these things if I forgot. Now, at least one professor a day tells me that I'm not qualified to be in this program, that I'm dumb, or that my degree is crap since it's not from Harvard or MIT or the like. At first, I was able to shrug this off, but now, after hearing it every day, dare I say that I might be starting to believe it.
I'm tired of not having enough time. I used to juggle 21 credits, 2 part time jobs, and a social life. Now, I have less credits, no social life, and only one job but I feel like I have no time because I'm always working on math related junk. My weekends are devoted to finishing the tasks that math prevented me from doing all week long...such as laundry, grocery shopping, and sleeping.
My optimism and faith have both taken a serious decline. That bothers me. I like having faith in my purpose and having faith that God will see me through all things and protect me. I don't want that to waiver. I don't like that I'm letting surrounding circumstances cause that to waiver. I don't like that suddenly I'm untrusting of others.
Overall, I need a life overhaul. I'm taking the weekend to myself, regardless of how many extra hours of work this will mean for me next week. I need to buy shoes. I need to read a book or sit and enjoy a movie. I need to sleep in. I desperately want to rediscover the spark that puts that puts the bounce back into my step and the zest and passion for life back into my existence.