god...grrrrr

[epiphanymonger]

I think I might be having my first nic fit. I feel really on edge and disgruntled. It's hard to tell if it's because I haven't smoked today or not, though, because this feeling really isn't that uncommon for me. I know that part of it can and should be contributed to other factors (though I won't go into what they are), but I'm not sure that all of it can. To make matters worse (meaning more difficult to remedy), my mom is having trouble sleeping as usual, so I can't go out and smoke without running a rather high risk of being caught. But even if she was sound asleep, I have run out of rolling papers. I do have some cigars, though, so I could either smoke them or roll a cigarette tobacco blunt out of them.

I'm not sure that I want to go to sleep tonight. I am pretty tired, but I don't really feel like going to bed. I feel like disintegrating. Just kinda coming apart at the molecular level. I'd steam up the room. Leave a little puddle of muck. But that'd be about it.

Man, fuck this shit. I'm gonna go watch the Olympics or something.