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Well let me just say that I need cheering up. About an hour ago I get a call from admissions from the U of R. It's nothing about if I got in or not but she said that my math score on the SAT is too low. She wants me to consider taking the ACT. She said that everything else is realy good but she's worried that my math score is too low. She wants it to be better...I was totally not excepting a call like this in the middle of the morning. While she was talking it was very sureal...I just saw my future fall apart. To me she was saying that you can't get in because of the math grades..now I know that's not true, I know she just wants them to be better so it sets me apart even more. My mom said that they must want me if they're calling me and are considered about this. I said then if they want me so bad why don't they jsut take me how it is? The lady on the phone is really nice though. I know she has my best itnerest at heart, which makes me feel a little better lol. Well the lady said that the deadline to apply for the Feb. test is today..so my mom and I signed up..sheesh to sign up for the stupid ACT is like filling out an application..it took me an hour to fill out, blah. I'm just really scared that math is gonna screw me over..I'm not even majoring in it. The lady said that they're just a little too low for her to take to the board people. So she said they'll hold my application until they get my ACT scores. She said that everything else on my application is really good so it might be ok..i don't know..after the phone call I just broke down crying. I really want to go to Redlands..I was just not expecting that kind of a call..I guess reality hits you all the sudden doesn't it? I really wish it didn't cause it's still vacation...I don't know what to do..I don't know if my math scores gonna be any better on the ACT. I have to call her back to tell her that I signed up but I don't know who she was, I never caught her name cause i was shocked lol. I'm really scared..i don't like this being-pushed-out-into-the-real-world stuff. When she called I didn't really know what to say..she could probably tell that I was about to cry lol, I was trying t keep my composure..not sure how well it worked. Why couldn't I jsut be good at math!? It would solve all of this. I guess it's just one of those obsticles I have to overcome..not sure how to though. I just don't know if I can do this. I'm just so uncertain about everything, more than I was before, which is not good. , all the doubts and fears I had about college are coming flooding back to me. I don't feel very confident right now, but I do very confused. I know things happen for a reason..and it's not like I didn't get in, but nor did I get in. And I know this math thing could decide whether or not I do. I just don't know right now, I feel really serious all the sudden, I don't feel like my happy self, I feel the stress coming back :(. I'll try to still keep a positive attitude :). I don't wanna give up, I kinda felt like it after the call, i want to keep fighting ya know? I just have a lot of thoughts, and emotions going through my head right now and I don't know how to write them all down, I know you guys know how that is lol. So I'll talk to you guys more later.
Bah. And Army guy just called..why'd I answer the phone?? He was very nice but the shortened version is that I was all I'm applying to colleges right now. He's like ok cool, thank you for your time. Sheesh I've gotten so many recruters calling me..cause I'm 18 blah. Though my college thing isn't going as I planned..maybe I should join the army? haha..ok I'm totally kidding :p. No, if nothing else works our I'll go to Frseno state..or another State school..havn't heard back from them but I hope to get into more. *sigh*
Anyways...I know you guys are here for me ^-^.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower to try and relax.
I hope tonight can cheer me up :). And last night was fun, odd, but fun lol. See you guys tonight.
Love always,
~KT