(no subject)
This is not a normal Christmas.
I've been unemployed since February. I lost a friend who was very important to me. He didn't die. We just don't speak anymore. I'm broke-ass broke. I've gained like 30 pounds and I've struggled with depression off and on for the first time in my life.
But.
I've had some pretty good laughs. Some of my friends have revealed their true natures and I cherish that. I met a boy who is becoming v. v. important to me. And I've just been cast in a play. For which I will make one hundred American dollars. Which will not cover my gas money. BUT. It's something.
So this year, I wasn't gonna decorate at all for the holidays. But then a friend of mine inspired me with her tree and I decided to put one up. I usually have a real one but this year my mom had a Big Lots coupon for an artificial one, pre-lit. *shudder* I put it up and it looks, actually kinda nice at night. But instead of putting up all my regular ornaments, I decided to make this year's tree about Place. Because that's where I am right now, and that's been the through line of this year for me. Where I've been, where the feck I'm supposed to be going, where I *want* to go. What I *want* to manifest in the new year. It's hokey as hell people but if you want to see more, clicky.
I've used a lot of stuff I had in my house from places I've traveled, in addition to some other things that have meaning to me. Starting at the bottom of the tree, we've got a Mere Poulard cookie tin I bought on Mont St. Michel in France, a couple of horse chestnuts which are supposed to bring luck, and some wine and champagne corks. The red box was given to me on my 30th birthday and is filled with wishes from my friends to me. I think they're still pretty relevant.
The friend who inspired this tree gave me the pillow. The cat mask is from Venice. I don't know how much theater will be in my future but I'd like to keep my hands in either acting or writing. And those... would be tarot cards. I used tarot cards on my christmas tree. Am I going to hell for that? I don't know. But these and the ones on the tree represent things I'd like to see happen in my life. So I used them. I think God and the Universe are the same thing anyway. So maybe it's okay.
Okay so the books are ones that represent my theme and things I want in my future. Well, *more* of in my future anyway. As you can see I would like my life to contain lots of meat and comfort food, travel, people who understand the basics of etiquette, respect sprituality and can string together a coherent sentence. I think I need to work on those things myself.
I'm going to visit Boy in Wyoming at the end of the month. I have decided the trip will be safe, the flying smooth, and the visit happy and informative. So I put the printed out ticket on my tree. Don't judge me. I'm awesome.
Another favorite tarot card, The World.
My parents, because God/dess knows I don't know what I would do without them, financials aside. My mom just turned 69 and my dad is about to be 74. They're in good health and I intend to keep it that way. Also, The Empress.
I went to the UK when I was in college. I need to go back. My innards have unfinished business there.
In keeping with my theme, here is my favorite ornament. It's a bunch of buildings and landmarks in Nashville. I don't know that I will be living here the rest of my life. In fact I kinda hope I'm not. But it will always be home.
This is at the top of the tree. It's the tarot Strength card and that would be a beret on top. 100% wool. Itches like a mofo.
After I decorated it, I smudged it with sage. I smudged my freaking christmas tree. And you know what, I feel good about that. Boy and I had a conversation today about manifesting what you want. He said he no longer talks in terms of what if. He only says what is and what is not. And the things that "are not" at the moment, if he wants them, he considers them to be definitely on the way, so that makes them "are"s. I've been philosophizing quite a bit for the last ten months. I guess you really only have three choices in general. Give up and die, give up but stay alive, or keep going. The first one I've considered, but not very appealing. The second, I've been there and done this year, and really can't recommend it. So I guess that puts me at the third. Suck it up and walk it off, candy ass. Just keep looking at the pretty lights in the distance. I think I may leave this thing up all year.
I've been unemployed since February. I lost a friend who was very important to me. He didn't die. We just don't speak anymore. I'm broke-ass broke. I've gained like 30 pounds and I've struggled with depression off and on for the first time in my life.
But.
I've had some pretty good laughs. Some of my friends have revealed their true natures and I cherish that. I met a boy who is becoming v. v. important to me. And I've just been cast in a play. For which I will make one hundred American dollars. Which will not cover my gas money. BUT. It's something.
So this year, I wasn't gonna decorate at all for the holidays. But then a friend of mine inspired me with her tree and I decided to put one up. I usually have a real one but this year my mom had a Big Lots coupon for an artificial one, pre-lit. *shudder* I put it up and it looks, actually kinda nice at night. But instead of putting up all my regular ornaments, I decided to make this year's tree about Place. Because that's where I am right now, and that's been the through line of this year for me. Where I've been, where the feck I'm supposed to be going, where I *want* to go. What I *want* to manifest in the new year. It's hokey as hell people but if you want to see more, clicky.
I've used a lot of stuff I had in my house from places I've traveled, in addition to some other things that have meaning to me. Starting at the bottom of the tree, we've got a Mere Poulard cookie tin I bought on Mont St. Michel in France, a couple of horse chestnuts which are supposed to bring luck, and some wine and champagne corks. The red box was given to me on my 30th birthday and is filled with wishes from my friends to me. I think they're still pretty relevant.
The friend who inspired this tree gave me the pillow. The cat mask is from Venice. I don't know how much theater will be in my future but I'd like to keep my hands in either acting or writing. And those... would be tarot cards. I used tarot cards on my christmas tree. Am I going to hell for that? I don't know. But these and the ones on the tree represent things I'd like to see happen in my life. So I used them. I think God and the Universe are the same thing anyway. So maybe it's okay.
Okay so the books are ones that represent my theme and things I want in my future. Well, *more* of in my future anyway. As you can see I would like my life to contain lots of meat and comfort food, travel, people who understand the basics of etiquette, respect sprituality and can string together a coherent sentence. I think I need to work on those things myself.
I'm going to visit Boy in Wyoming at the end of the month. I have decided the trip will be safe, the flying smooth, and the visit happy and informative. So I put the printed out ticket on my tree. Don't judge me. I'm awesome.
Another favorite tarot card, The World.
My parents, because God/dess knows I don't know what I would do without them, financials aside. My mom just turned 69 and my dad is about to be 74. They're in good health and I intend to keep it that way. Also, The Empress.
I went to the UK when I was in college. I need to go back. My innards have unfinished business there.
In keeping with my theme, here is my favorite ornament. It's a bunch of buildings and landmarks in Nashville. I don't know that I will be living here the rest of my life. In fact I kinda hope I'm not. But it will always be home.
This is at the top of the tree. It's the tarot Strength card and that would be a beret on top. 100% wool. Itches like a mofo.
After I decorated it, I smudged it with sage. I smudged my freaking christmas tree. And you know what, I feel good about that. Boy and I had a conversation today about manifesting what you want. He said he no longer talks in terms of what if. He only says what is and what is not. And the things that "are not" at the moment, if he wants them, he considers them to be definitely on the way, so that makes them "are"s. I've been philosophizing quite a bit for the last ten months. I guess you really only have three choices in general. Give up and die, give up but stay alive, or keep going. The first one I've considered, but not very appealing. The second, I've been there and done this year, and really can't recommend it. So I guess that puts me at the third. Suck it up and walk it off, candy ass. Just keep looking at the pretty lights in the distance. I think I may leave this thing up all year.