Dating Story #7 -- The Tap-Out
"... someone yells Stop!, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over." --- Fight Club
One of the best parts of dating a new person is also, sadly, often one of the worst parts. Ahh yes, the magical "First Kiss".
If you've gone on one-shot dates as many times as I have, you've experienced a lot of First Kisses. Let me tell you, they are never like they are in the movies. In the movies, the two people are standing close, looking at one another, and inevitably, the woman is giving the "kiss me" eyes, and the guy smoothly leans down, and a soft, sweet, magical kiss ensues. Le sigh! I can't say I've ever quite had that experience.
For me, what usually happens is that I'm talking -- big surprise there. I'm saying something completely inconsequential, like explaining directions, or telling a nearly-amusing story about something that's nearly-interesting. Mid-word, Datey McDaterson is on me like a remora on a shark, lips on mine, tongue somewhere in my lungs. There is almost never any warning, or any sweet romance about it... it's just a pounce.
Once that happens, I find that my body is either pinned to a wall/car/shrub or clutched so close to Datey McDaterson that I can't get away. The urge to flail is strong. My date generally continues kissing, and I am faced with a problem; air. So begins a gentle effort to escape. Sadly, most of the dates *I* manage to land don't really GET "gentle hints". That's when I begin tapping on the shoulder.
Tap. Tap tap. TAP TAP TAP TAP.
Finally, my date pulls away and smiles, and my lungs scream in relief as the air rushes in. I smile, not because the kiss was so magnificent... no. I'm smiling because I'm grateful to be alive. So, gentlemen, if a lady starts tapping your shoulder when you're kissing her, remember Fight Club -- once your opponent taps out, the kiss is over.
One of the best parts of dating a new person is also, sadly, often one of the worst parts. Ahh yes, the magical "First Kiss".
If you've gone on one-shot dates as many times as I have, you've experienced a lot of First Kisses. Let me tell you, they are never like they are in the movies. In the movies, the two people are standing close, looking at one another, and inevitably, the woman is giving the "kiss me" eyes, and the guy smoothly leans down, and a soft, sweet, magical kiss ensues. Le sigh! I can't say I've ever quite had that experience.
For me, what usually happens is that I'm talking -- big surprise there. I'm saying something completely inconsequential, like explaining directions, or telling a nearly-amusing story about something that's nearly-interesting. Mid-word, Datey McDaterson is on me like a remora on a shark, lips on mine, tongue somewhere in my lungs. There is almost never any warning, or any sweet romance about it... it's just a pounce.
Once that happens, I find that my body is either pinned to a wall/car/shrub or clutched so close to Datey McDaterson that I can't get away. The urge to flail is strong. My date generally continues kissing, and I am faced with a problem; air. So begins a gentle effort to escape. Sadly, most of the dates *I* manage to land don't really GET "gentle hints". That's when I begin tapping on the shoulder.
Tap. Tap tap. TAP TAP TAP TAP.
Finally, my date pulls away and smiles, and my lungs scream in relief as the air rushes in. I smile, not because the kiss was so magnificent... no. I'm smiling because I'm grateful to be alive. So, gentlemen, if a lady starts tapping your shoulder when you're kissing her, remember Fight Club -- once your opponent taps out, the kiss is over.