I Will Never Bash Exes Again (Or, Dating Life #1)
So... I tried a dating site. I just had to post this profile, because THIS is what I apparently attract. Read it and weep.
I am a shy and diminuitive kind of fellow. The word "mousey" best describes my personality. I tend to back down in confrontations. Hey, you only live once...why make waves? I do not like conflict and therefore am more prone to run away from difficult situations. If you don't make me feel right in a relationship, chances are you'll get a "Dear Jane" letter...see you later!
I am a wall-flower by nature and would much rather stay home than get out. I only leave the house when I have to work...all other times I'm at home...PERIOD...no compromise on this one. There's no point to getting out of the house when you just have to come home anyway. Kind of like making my bed and keeping the house clean? Why bother when it's going to get dirty again anyway?
I seek an energetic and outgoing lady who is full of life and spunk. She must be a self-starter and work well with all kinds of people. She must lead an active lifestyle and want the best for her children and man.
That being said, she must also have an unswerving devotion to me. She is to make me the first priority in her life and seek to make me shine, as much as she would her own life...that is her role in life. Therefore, though she will be very active and outgoing, she will stay home with me when I'm feeling insecure. She will instantly recognize when my jealous feelings begin to rage. Instinctively she will know to cut off all other priorities, as well as her active nature, and attend only to me...comforting me and assuring me that she's not out cheating on me or doing whatever wild independent women do when they leave for "girls night out."
I have no hobbies or outside interests. What's the point when I have me?
One final thing I'd like to mention...
I have no time for players. Nor do I have time for ladies who don't have a handle on their emotions and frailties. If you respond to me, I hope you will have dealt with your feminine issues and flights of fancy. I have no time for games or nut-case females. You will be mature with me, or you will not have me at all. Am I clear on this?
Now...take a number and line up!
May the best woman win!!!
... sabe me, somebuddy sabe me!