Random Thoughts About LIONE
I feel so viciously conflicted about LIONE these days.
Part of me is very lonely out here on the island, not seeing people at LIONE, not really doing much at all. That part of me misses laughing with the myriad folks at LIONE, misses friendships that have been neglected since this job/home/moving mess began. That part of me is a huge part, and is loud and insistent.
There there is this other part. It's the part that doesn't have transportation. It's the part that still really hurts over the breakup with Old Guy. It's the part that can't bring herself to spend as much money as it costs to go to LIONE. It's the part that feels that LARP is too weird a hobby and that I will never have a normalish life if I don't try out other stuff. It's the part that feels that LARP is a real waste of time.
I vacillate. I really hate the direction LIONE has gone, but honestly, I really have no room to have an opinion anymore, because I was so angry over a few things that I quit going. When I played in February I was under so much pressure in real life that I had a near-constant migraine and just couldn't get engaged. Now I'm in a different place both geographically and spiritually and I don't know... maybe it'd be fun. According to Paul the game has grown a lot and is doing well and is fun. That's great. I love hearing his enthusiasm.
So the complication is New Guy. New Guy and I are dating, keeping things light and fun, and I really like him. This weekend we went out to the beach and saw an SCA event going on in the park. That was cool. New Guy seems open to going to LIONE, and I'd bring him, but it feels so completely gauche to do so, and while I am many things, I am not inconsiderate. I am not sure how much of my reluctance is over my consideration for Old Guy's feelings (presuming it'd bother him to see me as much as it would bother me to see him, which is absolutely not a safe presumption to make), and how much is just my own rawness over it. I don't really have an answer.
I do know that New Guy and I get along great, and I love that he's open to trying out my creepy hobby with an open mind. I know that I miss people quite a lot. I just am really struggling with the ashes of a relationship past. Perhaps it's best to just let sleeping dogs lie and let Old Guy have LIONE in the split, as it were. I make friends easily. He is less outgoing. Perhaps this is an opportunity to branch out. Perhaps it's a great opportunity to invest in quality time with New Guy, presuming things continue to work warmly and well. Meeting him was such a welcome and huge surprise. Perhaps there are a few other surprises down the road.
Just as long as those surprises do not involve plungers.
Oh God. This one seems so normal, you guys. What horrible things could he possibly spring on me? *mulls it over with an evil grin* I guess that it'll make a great blog, if nothing else. ;-)
Part of me is very lonely out here on the island, not seeing people at LIONE, not really doing much at all. That part of me misses laughing with the myriad folks at LIONE, misses friendships that have been neglected since this job/home/moving mess began. That part of me is a huge part, and is loud and insistent.
There there is this other part. It's the part that doesn't have transportation. It's the part that still really hurts over the breakup with Old Guy. It's the part that can't bring herself to spend as much money as it costs to go to LIONE. It's the part that feels that LARP is too weird a hobby and that I will never have a normalish life if I don't try out other stuff. It's the part that feels that LARP is a real waste of time.
I vacillate. I really hate the direction LIONE has gone, but honestly, I really have no room to have an opinion anymore, because I was so angry over a few things that I quit going. When I played in February I was under so much pressure in real life that I had a near-constant migraine and just couldn't get engaged. Now I'm in a different place both geographically and spiritually and I don't know... maybe it'd be fun. According to Paul the game has grown a lot and is doing well and is fun. That's great. I love hearing his enthusiasm.
So the complication is New Guy. New Guy and I are dating, keeping things light and fun, and I really like him. This weekend we went out to the beach and saw an SCA event going on in the park. That was cool. New Guy seems open to going to LIONE, and I'd bring him, but it feels so completely gauche to do so, and while I am many things, I am not inconsiderate. I am not sure how much of my reluctance is over my consideration for Old Guy's feelings (presuming it'd bother him to see me as much as it would bother me to see him, which is absolutely not a safe presumption to make), and how much is just my own rawness over it. I don't really have an answer.
I do know that New Guy and I get along great, and I love that he's open to trying out my creepy hobby with an open mind. I know that I miss people quite a lot. I just am really struggling with the ashes of a relationship past. Perhaps it's best to just let sleeping dogs lie and let Old Guy have LIONE in the split, as it were. I make friends easily. He is less outgoing. Perhaps this is an opportunity to branch out. Perhaps it's a great opportunity to invest in quality time with New Guy, presuming things continue to work warmly and well. Meeting him was such a welcome and huge surprise. Perhaps there are a few other surprises down the road.
Just as long as those surprises do not involve plungers.
Oh God. This one seems so normal, you guys. What horrible things could he possibly spring on me? *mulls it over with an evil grin* I guess that it'll make a great blog, if nothing else. ;-)