(no subject)
There once was a giraffe named Lorne. He was a good friend of mine. One day, while we were walking together, hand and hoof, around the local zoo, he turned to me with the strangest look upon his face. Apparently, he had been stung by a bee. I felt horrible for the poor creature. His face was upturned, reaching up into the sky, and releasing the most horrific sound ever heard from man or beast.
Carefully, quietly, I tried to calm him down, just enough to remove the stinger. It had lodged itself in the nape of his neck, which was an easy target, given the nature of the beast. I started to tell him a story to distract him while I started to stretch towards the stinger.
"So, I have this friend," I started. "He is an orangutan, and not just your average orangutan, but a pink one at that! He loves to frolic on the beaches of Hawaii with other primates of all types, especially lemurs."
It was working! The sobs began to slow, and I was getting closer to the stinger.
"Anyway, one day, one of the lemurs found a human skull buried in the sand. It was a pretty skull, so my friend, and his friend, named it Al.
"Al was a good skull. He hardly ate anything, you see, which is good to find in a skull, since most skulls I've met eat like a pig."
Lorne seemed to have forgotten about his stinger, and I was really close at this time, but I wasn't... quite... close... enough...
"I once met Al at an airport in Guatemala. He was dragging around a couple of antique steamer trunks. This was a feat for a skull, let me tell you. He was straining and pulling, and only made headway inch by inch. After watching this for awhile, I asked if I could give him a hand."
"'Sure thing,' he said to me. 'It is not an easy task, as you can see, for a skull like me.' I never knew that Al was a poet until that moment. Silly Al, always showing off."
*YOINK*
*SCREAM!!!!!*
And then, Lorne was cured.
Carefully, quietly, I tried to calm him down, just enough to remove the stinger. It had lodged itself in the nape of his neck, which was an easy target, given the nature of the beast. I started to tell him a story to distract him while I started to stretch towards the stinger.
"So, I have this friend," I started. "He is an orangutan, and not just your average orangutan, but a pink one at that! He loves to frolic on the beaches of Hawaii with other primates of all types, especially lemurs."
It was working! The sobs began to slow, and I was getting closer to the stinger.
"Anyway, one day, one of the lemurs found a human skull buried in the sand. It was a pretty skull, so my friend, and his friend, named it Al.
"Al was a good skull. He hardly ate anything, you see, which is good to find in a skull, since most skulls I've met eat like a pig."
Lorne seemed to have forgotten about his stinger, and I was really close at this time, but I wasn't... quite... close... enough...
"I once met Al at an airport in Guatemala. He was dragging around a couple of antique steamer trunks. This was a feat for a skull, let me tell you. He was straining and pulling, and only made headway inch by inch. After watching this for awhile, I asked if I could give him a hand."
"'Sure thing,' he said to me. 'It is not an easy task, as you can see, for a skull like me.' I never knew that Al was a poet until that moment. Silly Al, always showing off."
*YOINK*
*SCREAM!!!!!*
And then, Lorne was cured.