Standby
So I'm back in the limbo of standby - waiting for the phone to ring, surfing the web and firing resumes off into the void. Possibilities tantalize me, but I know better than to put any faith in the mirages until something - anything coalesces into solid form. It's comforting in a weird way to know so many others who are looking for it - it proves that maybe it isn't entirely just me and some secret stupidity on my part. And I know there's enough fear and worry to go around. Other friends job search from the same "temporary" limbo, and plot the declining graphs of their savings against the time to the next assignment. Or friends whose job security has become tenuous and thin - they live week by week. Welfare capitalism is in crisis - with health care and insurance spiraling out of the reach of an increasing percentage of American workers - what will replace it? Will we be telling our grandkids about the wonderful old days where we all got at least two weeks of vacation a year, and our employers even picked up some small fraction of our health insurace?
I had the naive belief in my youth that being reasonably intelligent and educated would be my passport to a decent life - that I'd be fine if I played it safe. I suppose everybody needs the shine rubbed off sooner or later, right? It's better to open my eyes and struggle with the essential fragility of existence; that nothing stands still and waits for you; the melancholy truth of the Buddhist saying, "Nothing of this world remains - everything changes, everything falls apart."
If nothing else, I have learned humility and calm; some days almost any work is better than none at all. You're never as keenly aware of class as when you're aware how tenuous your position would be as a single-wage earner, of how little it takes to push someone's world into free-fall. I'm getting better at rolling with the punches, at getting up, dusting myself off, and walking on. Or maybe that's just the fiction I tell myself these days, I don't know. What comes, will come.
It is a beautiful day outside, sunny and slightly cool. Time to sand the bookcases and put the last coat of sealant on them, and maybe go catch up with my friend A down at the coffeehouse. Maybe I'll see Lily out for her walk and get my daily dose of dog.
I had the naive belief in my youth that being reasonably intelligent and educated would be my passport to a decent life - that I'd be fine if I played it safe. I suppose everybody needs the shine rubbed off sooner or later, right? It's better to open my eyes and struggle with the essential fragility of existence; that nothing stands still and waits for you; the melancholy truth of the Buddhist saying, "Nothing of this world remains - everything changes, everything falls apart."
If nothing else, I have learned humility and calm; some days almost any work is better than none at all. You're never as keenly aware of class as when you're aware how tenuous your position would be as a single-wage earner, of how little it takes to push someone's world into free-fall. I'm getting better at rolling with the punches, at getting up, dusting myself off, and walking on. Or maybe that's just the fiction I tell myself these days, I don't know. What comes, will come.
It is a beautiful day outside, sunny and slightly cool. Time to sand the bookcases and put the last coat of sealant on them, and maybe go catch up with my friend A down at the coffeehouse. Maybe I'll see Lily out for her walk and get my daily dose of dog.